In a dream I was riding my bike along a country road.The blacktop was smooth and in good condition, but the shoulder of the road was extremely eroded, the edge of the blacktop being at least one foot higher than the roadbed. This greatly unnerved me while riding, and sure enough I slipped off the shoulder of the road and had to jump off the bike to catch my fall, swearing angrily at how much I hated such a crappy road.
Nothing bad had happened really, and actually I wouldn't have needed to ride this close to the edge since I was alone on the road, I don't remember seeing any cars passing. The scene reflects my current situation pretty well though - actually my "road" is smooth and I just shouldn't have anyone drive me over the edge, I just shouldn't. Especially when I actually got my whole road just to myself, no need to make room for anyone else. I should just adhere to my own principles which afford me great privileges.
And this is what I'd been planning to write about for a long time: Selfishness. I'm a selfish person and have no problem admitting it, in the contrary, I appreciate it. I'm an honest person too; honesty toward myself especially is a principle I hold very high. And while honesty is generally seen as a virtue, selfishness is not - and this is what doesn't matter: the way things are generally seen. I am a law unto myself, I am the only law I have approved of and which I honor and adhere to. This appears to be a selfish attitude, and therefore I declare selfishness a virtue.
Selfishness is natural and is closely associated with the instinct of survival. Certain species of wild animals are more or less social than others, but even highly social herd animals of the savannah display a healthy selfishness: When a member of their herd is taken down by a predator the others will relax, the hunt is over and unlike their unfortunate fellow they have survived.
Humans, who are generally also highly social, tend to associate altruism with "courage" and selfishness with "cowardice". My personal view is fundamentally different here: I can't think of any circumstances in which I might ever possibly sacrifice myself for anyone else, instead I would rather kill for my own survival if necessary. This in my view has nothing to do with courage or cowardice but only with what is logical to do when considering my priorities.
But let's face it: In the end I may be coming out quite a bit better than most people in matters of honesty due to this. What I mean is, most people may in truth be a lot more selfish than they would like to admit, or than they even realize. For instance, when mourning over the loss of a beloved person they're actually for the most part bemourning their own loss, the horrible emptiness they feel due to the person's absence. And when sacrificing for someone else's sake or when taking a great risk to save someone else's life they may be doing it for the chance of being celebrated as a hero, or at least because they fear to be looked at as a coward or bad person if failing to give their utmost to save the other person. Or alternatively, if the person in question is a beloved friend, close relative, or especially if it is their own child, they may feel horrified at the idea of seeing this person suffering or even dying. This does constitute an element of selfishness if your own feelings appear in the equation!
I'm not saying that all altruism ultimately has its root in selfishness - but then, some of it does. You may feel offended by these suggestions, and if so I don't care because I'm selfish. :)
Now, it's not the subject of selfishness in particular that relates to my above dream but rather the general notion of following my very own principles and this includes not giving a damn about what others might think about me.
Note: "The extent to which you care what others think about you is inversely proportional to your capacity for happiness."
Yes, it certainly is offensive when materialist hardliners see you as just a f'ing piece of meat with no soul. But on the other hand we must keep in mind that they view everyone in this same way, no matter which species, and most notably themselves. It will be of no consequence for my afterlife if some morons think I won't have any. There is at least some chance though that it might be of consequence for their own - giving some credit to the idea that our beliefs and expectations are capable of shaping reality which is not my own idea but one that probably is quite ancient and seems quite plausible.
"Whether you believe that you can or believe that you can't, in either case you're right." (I hope to be forgiven for not knowing who is to be credited for this wise proverb.)
Another good one to be kept in mind is, "Stress is caused by giving a shit." (Seen on Facebook.)
The relevance of my dream to all this is just that my sleep is fragile and I have anger issues and a youthful temperament and that's why I shouldn't ride close to the edge where the shoulder of the road is badly eroded. I should stick to the center of what is my road, after all, else I'll get temporarily thrown off my bike and delayed on my journey. But NEVER STOPPED!
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
The Path Chooses You
So I discovered this gentleman's videos in which he talks about lucid dreaming. He is really right about the essentiality of a dream journal; I've mostly had one since my teenage but I often used them all too infrequently, sometimes even with intervals of several months, only lately I've begun writing in my current one more regularly again.
His advice of using a voice recorder is good but they're unaffordable, I haven't seen any under 40 € yet, so I stick with scribbling notes.
Right here in Stephen Berlin's second video it becomes clear that he's of the other side, as opposed to my own Satanic creed. But I don't mind it, I find the way he talks about his dreams very engaging and I'm open minded enough to listen to some very different perspective and outlook on life and I'm sure I can still learn from it, at least as long as a person is not completely dogmatic in their views and/or even trying to indoctrinate others.
"Transcendence"... means to be walking a path toward transformation, even if toward a destiny very different from mine, and that's in stark contrast to those who tragically see life as a meaningless dead end.
Love and compassion have little meaning for my own path, for the most part I see them as human weakness and thereby something to be overcome. But I can see that there are corresponding counterparts in my own experience. The second video made me think of a dream I had a long time ago in which I was riding merrily along the Rhine river on my bicycle as I often do in waking life. I was riding fast and perhaps I hit something but passed right through it when I realized I was dreaming and thus became lucid. Invigorated I continued even faster riding right through the row of parked cars along the street. Some pedestrians were startled and found my behavior reckless, and some guy shouted like, "who do you think you are, the Devil?!" And I shouted back, "Yes, I AM THE DEVIL!!!"
And I continued riding down onto the river and along it - riding ON the water, feeling exhilarated!
Of course, I didn't mean that I was literally the Devil - but it was one of those moments when I felt very strongly that I am of the Devil; a Satanist's experience of transcendence. Such experiences are very important and rewarding on this path which, in particular in the start, hasn't been an easy one; the path of a Satanist is usually a rather lonely one but I think mine has been even more so than that of most Satanists. But I found it turned out true that "you do not choose your path but the path chooses you". This very certain feeling of belonging.
His advice of using a voice recorder is good but they're unaffordable, I haven't seen any under 40 € yet, so I stick with scribbling notes.
Right here in Stephen Berlin's second video it becomes clear that he's of the other side, as opposed to my own Satanic creed. But I don't mind it, I find the way he talks about his dreams very engaging and I'm open minded enough to listen to some very different perspective and outlook on life and I'm sure I can still learn from it, at least as long as a person is not completely dogmatic in their views and/or even trying to indoctrinate others.
"Transcendence"... means to be walking a path toward transformation, even if toward a destiny very different from mine, and that's in stark contrast to those who tragically see life as a meaningless dead end.
Love and compassion have little meaning for my own path, for the most part I see them as human weakness and thereby something to be overcome. But I can see that there are corresponding counterparts in my own experience. The second video made me think of a dream I had a long time ago in which I was riding merrily along the Rhine river on my bicycle as I often do in waking life. I was riding fast and perhaps I hit something but passed right through it when I realized I was dreaming and thus became lucid. Invigorated I continued even faster riding right through the row of parked cars along the street. Some pedestrians were startled and found my behavior reckless, and some guy shouted like, "who do you think you are, the Devil?!" And I shouted back, "Yes, I AM THE DEVIL!!!"
And I continued riding down onto the river and along it - riding ON the water, feeling exhilarated!
Of course, I didn't mean that I was literally the Devil - but it was one of those moments when I felt very strongly that I am of the Devil; a Satanist's experience of transcendence. Such experiences are very important and rewarding on this path which, in particular in the start, hasn't been an easy one; the path of a Satanist is usually a rather lonely one but I think mine has been even more so than that of most Satanists. But I found it turned out true that "you do not choose your path but the path chooses you". This very certain feeling of belonging.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Close that damn door!
Just as I've always suspected, lucidity in dreams is not an all-or-nothing matter but (as in so many things, gender being another) it's more like a gradual spectrum, and I've come to assume that in many of my dreams I've actually been very close. And last night I broke through once more. Once again I was flying - coming to think of it, I've probably been flying in about 50% of my lucid dreams.
In last night's dream I was aware but barely so, I wasn't really in control of what I was doing, I was flying but struggling to do so. Cables supporting street lights were in the way, but moreover it felt like something was trying to hold me down. I think it was some people in the streets below staring at me, and by doing that they were creating a resistance holding me down. I was trying to gain height and get away, perhaps to Amsterdam...
This dream sums up my current situation pretty well. My life is great all in all, I'm pretty successful at my sport since I've started working out at McFit in 2012, I like my way of life. I like the place I live in, my apartment with the view across the fields, everything... if only it weren't for certain "people" - if they can even be referred to as that - who hold me down, who keep me from "flying" because they're destroying my peace of mind!
Yes, maybe my peace of mind is fragile. And maybe it will sound petty when I'm telling now what the main cause for my intense anger is: some idiots leaving the front door open.
It may sound like a silly reason and I'm certainly not some strict and bitter person who would insist on things always going their orderly way. And no, nothing of MY stuff was stolen yet (another neighbor was less lucky). It does wear thin though when it keeps happening constantly, again and again. For centuries (well, but certainly years) I put up signs on the front door asking everyone to close it when they're coming or leaving - the signs were always ignored. There are only five apartments in this house with five official, adult tenants, with me being one of them, plus one six-year-old boy. I told the little boy that the door ought to be closed just in case his mother might have failed to, he told me he always closes the door and I believe him. I talked to all other neighbors. The problem is still most likely with the guy downstairs and his many, many visitors, their frequent, noisy parties several times a week, certainly involving drugs and what not. Of course he claims it's not him and that he told all his friends to close the door too. But somehow I don't quite believe that it's ghosts who are leaving the door open...
Another neighbor of mine actually has more reason to be mad about this, because it was his bicycle that was stolen out of the basement, not mine. Instead, this neighbor has stronger issues with the frequent noise downstairs at night. Myself I've pretty much put up with having to use ear plugs to sleep each night... I wish I didn't have to but somehow I got used to it over the years and am much more agitated about the door. I guess the reason is that it's MY appeals, especially in form of the written signs, that have been ignored over and over! This is the one thing: disrespect.
I can put up with less than ideal living conditions, with discomfort, anything. But being disrespected is the one thing I can't handle!
I keep telling myself it's just lowly animals; would you really expect a rat or a cockroach to respect you, to recognize your superior status? You know that you can't because it's beyond a rodent's or insect's mental capacity to comprehend or to even consider this idea. This is exactly why you should never give a damn about what others might think about you. If they're worthy they'll respect me, if not then they're on a level with rodents (or lower). And would you really care what rodents think about you?!
But the question is, how to get rid of these pests I'm plagued by?
In other matters things are going quite well. I bought a frying pan downtown yesterday because I felt my diet may be a bit monotonous - and it was also once more a dream that incited me to do so.
So I can start happily frying. Yes, that thing I produced earlier today was supposed to be a sort of omelet... who cares how it looked. Ingredients: 2 eggs, protein powder, sweetener. I liked it. :)
Also, the lucid dreaming website is back up and here's the article I was referring to in the previous post, about How to Improve Your Self Awareness, it's really worthwhile! Although I must still insist that, at least to me, it's not by all means a given to have hands in a dream. Who agrees (or disagrees)?
In last night's dream I was aware but barely so, I wasn't really in control of what I was doing, I was flying but struggling to do so. Cables supporting street lights were in the way, but moreover it felt like something was trying to hold me down. I think it was some people in the streets below staring at me, and by doing that they were creating a resistance holding me down. I was trying to gain height and get away, perhaps to Amsterdam...
This dream sums up my current situation pretty well. My life is great all in all, I'm pretty successful at my sport since I've started working out at McFit in 2012, I like my way of life. I like the place I live in, my apartment with the view across the fields, everything... if only it weren't for certain "people" - if they can even be referred to as that - who hold me down, who keep me from "flying" because they're destroying my peace of mind!
Yes, maybe my peace of mind is fragile. And maybe it will sound petty when I'm telling now what the main cause for my intense anger is: some idiots leaving the front door open.
It may sound like a silly reason and I'm certainly not some strict and bitter person who would insist on things always going their orderly way. And no, nothing of MY stuff was stolen yet (another neighbor was less lucky). It does wear thin though when it keeps happening constantly, again and again. For centuries (well, but certainly years) I put up signs on the front door asking everyone to close it when they're coming or leaving - the signs were always ignored. There are only five apartments in this house with five official, adult tenants, with me being one of them, plus one six-year-old boy. I told the little boy that the door ought to be closed just in case his mother might have failed to, he told me he always closes the door and I believe him. I talked to all other neighbors. The problem is still most likely with the guy downstairs and his many, many visitors, their frequent, noisy parties several times a week, certainly involving drugs and what not. Of course he claims it's not him and that he told all his friends to close the door too. But somehow I don't quite believe that it's ghosts who are leaving the door open...
Another neighbor of mine actually has more reason to be mad about this, because it was his bicycle that was stolen out of the basement, not mine. Instead, this neighbor has stronger issues with the frequent noise downstairs at night. Myself I've pretty much put up with having to use ear plugs to sleep each night... I wish I didn't have to but somehow I got used to it over the years and am much more agitated about the door. I guess the reason is that it's MY appeals, especially in form of the written signs, that have been ignored over and over! This is the one thing: disrespect.
I can put up with less than ideal living conditions, with discomfort, anything. But being disrespected is the one thing I can't handle!
I keep telling myself it's just lowly animals; would you really expect a rat or a cockroach to respect you, to recognize your superior status? You know that you can't because it's beyond a rodent's or insect's mental capacity to comprehend or to even consider this idea. This is exactly why you should never give a damn about what others might think about you. If they're worthy they'll respect me, if not then they're on a level with rodents (or lower). And would you really care what rodents think about you?!
But the question is, how to get rid of these pests I'm plagued by?
In other matters things are going quite well. I bought a frying pan downtown yesterday because I felt my diet may be a bit monotonous - and it was also once more a dream that incited me to do so.
So I can start happily frying. Yes, that thing I produced earlier today was supposed to be a sort of omelet... who cares how it looked. Ingredients: 2 eggs, protein powder, sweetener. I liked it. :)
Also, the lucid dreaming website is back up and here's the article I was referring to in the previous post, about How to Improve Your Self Awareness, it's really worthwhile! Although I must still insist that, at least to me, it's not by all means a given to have hands in a dream. Who agrees (or disagrees)?
Monday, January 6, 2014
Are we really always ourselves? + Rainbow pics!
I actually meant to refer to an article on a website about lucid dreaming with today's entry; this morning the article was still there but I couldn't finish reading it as I had to leave, and now that I tried going back there I had to find the website is down!
Well, regardless... I hope it will be back up soon. What I meant to talk about is the following: the article was about self-awareness, and how it's much easier to become lucid in a dream if we build up our self-awareness in our waking lives. This is straightforward and I agree, but it mentioned further how we are always ourselves, even in our dreams... Now, at least for myself this is not true, occasionally I've had dreams in which I switched between the roles of different characters in it as well as the role of a disembodied observer, watching the dream story unfold like a movie.
And while I can't remember myself ever having been a different (non-human) animal in a dream, it does seem to happen as evident in the butterfly dream...
I certainly asked myself whether or not I was dreaming when this morning just after the late winter sunrise this glorious rainbow was stretching across my balcony! Beats me how a few morons were even walking around below not even looking at it! The rainbow kept disappearing and reappearing in different sections, eventually encircling the entire western sky. But apparently I was not dreaming - because I took pics of it!
Totally worth freezing my ass off for! :D
Well, regardless... I hope it will be back up soon. What I meant to talk about is the following: the article was about self-awareness, and how it's much easier to become lucid in a dream if we build up our self-awareness in our waking lives. This is straightforward and I agree, but it mentioned further how we are always ourselves, even in our dreams... Now, at least for myself this is not true, occasionally I've had dreams in which I switched between the roles of different characters in it as well as the role of a disembodied observer, watching the dream story unfold like a movie.
And while I can't remember myself ever having been a different (non-human) animal in a dream, it does seem to happen as evident in the butterfly dream...
I certainly asked myself whether or not I was dreaming when this morning just after the late winter sunrise this glorious rainbow was stretching across my balcony! Beats me how a few morons were even walking around below not even looking at it! The rainbow kept disappearing and reappearing in different sections, eventually encircling the entire western sky. But apparently I was not dreaming - because I took pics of it!
Totally worth freezing my ass off for! :D
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Bad Vibes...
I've been a bit on edge today, perhaps because I didn't sleep very well. I could feel it right before going to sleep... I'd been reading on in that lucid dreaming book and unfortunately I must say it's been giving me very bad vibes in places, and it's again because of the so awful, awful materialist world view I mentioned in yesterday's entry. On one hand the author of the dream book describes how exhilarating it feels to have a lucid dream... and then he goes on to say that it all takes place just in your mind and none of it is real.
So? Then it's not real either that I'm writing this blog here right now, or at least it's completely wasted efforts because no one else exists who might ever read it. That's right, whoever reads this: You don't exist. Now you may leave a comment below and tell me that's not true and that you do exist... but look, if I imagine in my head that you exist I may as well imagine that you leave a comment on my blog, so that's no proof at all!
This idea is called Solipsism, and I'm not sure if I like it... but if someone holds this view then at least they should hold it universally, for ALL experience and not dreams only!
As a side note, I wouldn't even abhor the idea of Solipsism as much as some other people would, people who are a lot more social and not loners unlike myself. I remember reading one of the experience reports of various drug trips posted on the highly recommendable website of Erowid.org, which are fascinating to read. I don't remember what kind of drug the person had taken but their experience was that they felt to be God, who had created the universe and the whole universe was actually part of himself, and nothing else existed besides himself, and he felt very lonely and forsaken and the person related it was the most horrifying experience. And myself, the natural loner I am, just thought, ok it may be a bit lonely but I could positively think of much worse scenarios for myself. My #1 priority is always freedom, and if no one else existed then at least no one could interfere with that. :)
But back to the materialist view that bothers me so much - it's this implied assumption that we're merely biological machines and our dreams being nothing but a side effect of neurological processes in the brain. It suddenly gave me this claustrophobic feeling of being locked in a tiny, dark box - the inside of my skull - and it also made me really angry because it indirectly implies that we're ultimately nothing but garbage. We're disposable, just like your cool and fancy new TV or video game console which is really only cool and fancy while it's new but will ultimately be just trash one day. And people are just the same if they're assumed to be just bodies with brains and nothing else - you can do fun things with that machine while it's relatively new, like, go surfing or snowboarding or why not try to learn lucid dreaming, but whatever you do, even if you win a Nobel Prize, is absolutely meaningless because one day you'll be dead and then you're nothing but garbage, just like a car that's totally wrecked and can't be fixed anymore.
What on Earth are these people living for who hold such a view?!
I still felt on edge when I was at the gym this morning. Yesterday had been so much better... I had to send a letter in an official matter and since it was to an address just on the other end of the city I rode there on my bike and delivered it myself in order to save the postage. On the way back it started raining a bit but I could already see it brightening and the sun coming back out. "Can I get a rainbow?," I just said to myself. And as I turned into the path on the dike along the Rhine river, there it was: a rainbow spanning right across the path, like a gateway for me to ride into!
I reminded myself, this morning at the gym, to rather think of this, and of a friend who had related her own experiences to me and who shares my view and understands - that "reality" is whatever we experience, and that there are many more than just one. Each life is a unique journey, but at least to me and most of my friends (so I hope) it's a journey somewhere rather than nowhere!
So? Then it's not real either that I'm writing this blog here right now, or at least it's completely wasted efforts because no one else exists who might ever read it. That's right, whoever reads this: You don't exist. Now you may leave a comment below and tell me that's not true and that you do exist... but look, if I imagine in my head that you exist I may as well imagine that you leave a comment on my blog, so that's no proof at all!
This idea is called Solipsism, and I'm not sure if I like it... but if someone holds this view then at least they should hold it universally, for ALL experience and not dreams only!
As a side note, I wouldn't even abhor the idea of Solipsism as much as some other people would, people who are a lot more social and not loners unlike myself. I remember reading one of the experience reports of various drug trips posted on the highly recommendable website of Erowid.org, which are fascinating to read. I don't remember what kind of drug the person had taken but their experience was that they felt to be God, who had created the universe and the whole universe was actually part of himself, and nothing else existed besides himself, and he felt very lonely and forsaken and the person related it was the most horrifying experience. And myself, the natural loner I am, just thought, ok it may be a bit lonely but I could positively think of much worse scenarios for myself. My #1 priority is always freedom, and if no one else existed then at least no one could interfere with that. :)
But back to the materialist view that bothers me so much - it's this implied assumption that we're merely biological machines and our dreams being nothing but a side effect of neurological processes in the brain. It suddenly gave me this claustrophobic feeling of being locked in a tiny, dark box - the inside of my skull - and it also made me really angry because it indirectly implies that we're ultimately nothing but garbage. We're disposable, just like your cool and fancy new TV or video game console which is really only cool and fancy while it's new but will ultimately be just trash one day. And people are just the same if they're assumed to be just bodies with brains and nothing else - you can do fun things with that machine while it's relatively new, like, go surfing or snowboarding or why not try to learn lucid dreaming, but whatever you do, even if you win a Nobel Prize, is absolutely meaningless because one day you'll be dead and then you're nothing but garbage, just like a car that's totally wrecked and can't be fixed anymore.
What on Earth are these people living for who hold such a view?!
I still felt on edge when I was at the gym this morning. Yesterday had been so much better... I had to send a letter in an official matter and since it was to an address just on the other end of the city I rode there on my bike and delivered it myself in order to save the postage. On the way back it started raining a bit but I could already see it brightening and the sun coming back out. "Can I get a rainbow?," I just said to myself. And as I turned into the path on the dike along the Rhine river, there it was: a rainbow spanning right across the path, like a gateway for me to ride into!
I reminded myself, this morning at the gym, to rather think of this, and of a friend who had related her own experiences to me and who shares my view and understands - that "reality" is whatever we experience, and that there are many more than just one. Each life is a unique journey, but at least to me and most of my friends (so I hope) it's a journey somewhere rather than nowhere!
Friday, January 3, 2014
Dogmatism (in general) & a dream about Jesus!
I didn't sleep too well, my dreams once more being disturbed by their most common intruder, my mother; I had things to do but she kept following me around and disrupting.
But later there was also an unusual intruder: J.C. himself - yes, being a Satanist I dreamed about Jesus! We weren't friends for sure but he undertook only a brief, half-assed attempt of persuading me to follow him. All I remember is me telling him something to the extent, "save your breath, I'm going to Hell!" Of course he wasn't pleased about this but he didn't object, nor did he try to tell me that I'd be suffering there or anything. It was like he could simply see I was too seasoned and too certain in my choices for him to try any further to win me over, he could see what I am and that any attempt would be fruitless and so he left it at that.
So I must say that, surprisingly, dealing with Jesus in my dream was much less unpleasant than it is with my mother who most often keeps bothering and harassing me no matter what. In real life I've been out of contact to her for nearly 7 years now and I don't even know if she's still alive or anything, but in my dreams she keeps intruding pretty frequently.
The appearance of Jesus may have been due to a talk I had the other day with a trainer at the gym in which he turned out to be a devout Christian and encouraged me to read the Bible. We first got to talk about religious subjects because he remarked about a metal shirt I was wearing, whereupon I also showed him my tattoo on the inside of my left forearm, the letters "SATAN" which I made myself with soot from a candle as a young teenager. I openly told him, as I usually do, that I'm still a Satanist, and was actually expecting perhaps some slight ridicule as I've experienced so often when talk comes to any kind of spiritual belief at all. Instead he confessed being a firm believer. We exchanged some ideas and I said that I believe every person simply has their own, very unique path in life, that there is no ONE path which is right for everyone.
I meant it,and now it seems even J.C. himself can't disagree with me there. ;) ...take this one with a grain of salt; of course I don't mean to claim it was really Jesus who personally came into my dream in order to try and convert me. More likely it was simply just a very ordinary dream caused by my thinking about the talk with the trainer.
...and then later today I learned that Jesus was actually a mushroom! :D
[Terence McKenna on Jesus]
From that side I'm not assailable at all. But I must admit to having somewhat less firm footing when it comes to militant atheism which is so very widespread these days, especially in many of my fields of interest which are of scientific nature. Even the author of the book about lucid dreaming I'm currently reading, as I mentioned in yesterday's entry, seems to hold the opinion that dreams (lucid or otherwise) are merely something that's going on inside the brain and nothing more - and by extension, that so is consciousness.
But the materialist view that consciousness is an arising phenomenon from "dead" matter is one I absolutely can't agree with.
You may argue that a living brain is not "dead" matter as I said, at least not while it's alive. But as a matter of fact your living brain is ultimately made of the very same kind of atoms as your computer or even the chair you're sitting on. And a dead brain is absolutely identical in composition to a living one, although the dead brain will soon start to decompose. And all of the atoms, in a living or dead brain as well as those in a computer or chair, are made up of 99.99% empty space.
"I regard consciousness as fundamental. I regard matter as derivative from consciousness."
(Max Planck)
The bottom line is, although modern science is fascinating and absolutely worthy of following and supporting it it does have a big problem with dogmatism. In part this may have arisen due to the need to counter extreme religious dogmatism (such as especially creationism) with an equally militant point of view. I ought to point out that skepticism doesn't necessarily equal dogmatism; I'm much in favor of a healthy measure of skepticism, especially when it comes to urban myths, conspiracy theories and the like (and by the way, for those who'd like to know how crop circles are created, you can certainly find tutorials online) but I just wish people would stop pretending science already knows everything when we have barely scratched the surface of everything that can possibly be known.
But later there was also an unusual intruder: J.C. himself - yes, being a Satanist I dreamed about Jesus! We weren't friends for sure but he undertook only a brief, half-assed attempt of persuading me to follow him. All I remember is me telling him something to the extent, "save your breath, I'm going to Hell!" Of course he wasn't pleased about this but he didn't object, nor did he try to tell me that I'd be suffering there or anything. It was like he could simply see I was too seasoned and too certain in my choices for him to try any further to win me over, he could see what I am and that any attempt would be fruitless and so he left it at that.
So I must say that, surprisingly, dealing with Jesus in my dream was much less unpleasant than it is with my mother who most often keeps bothering and harassing me no matter what. In real life I've been out of contact to her for nearly 7 years now and I don't even know if she's still alive or anything, but in my dreams she keeps intruding pretty frequently.
The appearance of Jesus may have been due to a talk I had the other day with a trainer at the gym in which he turned out to be a devout Christian and encouraged me to read the Bible. We first got to talk about religious subjects because he remarked about a metal shirt I was wearing, whereupon I also showed him my tattoo on the inside of my left forearm, the letters "SATAN" which I made myself with soot from a candle as a young teenager. I openly told him, as I usually do, that I'm still a Satanist, and was actually expecting perhaps some slight ridicule as I've experienced so often when talk comes to any kind of spiritual belief at all. Instead he confessed being a firm believer. We exchanged some ideas and I said that I believe every person simply has their own, very unique path in life, that there is no ONE path which is right for everyone.
I meant it,and now it seems even J.C. himself can't disagree with me there. ;) ...take this one with a grain of salt; of course I don't mean to claim it was really Jesus who personally came into my dream in order to try and convert me. More likely it was simply just a very ordinary dream caused by my thinking about the talk with the trainer.
...and then later today I learned that Jesus was actually a mushroom! :D
[Terence McKenna on Jesus]
From that side I'm not assailable at all. But I must admit to having somewhat less firm footing when it comes to militant atheism which is so very widespread these days, especially in many of my fields of interest which are of scientific nature. Even the author of the book about lucid dreaming I'm currently reading, as I mentioned in yesterday's entry, seems to hold the opinion that dreams (lucid or otherwise) are merely something that's going on inside the brain and nothing more - and by extension, that so is consciousness.
But the materialist view that consciousness is an arising phenomenon from "dead" matter is one I absolutely can't agree with.
You may argue that a living brain is not "dead" matter as I said, at least not while it's alive. But as a matter of fact your living brain is ultimately made of the very same kind of atoms as your computer or even the chair you're sitting on. And a dead brain is absolutely identical in composition to a living one, although the dead brain will soon start to decompose. And all of the atoms, in a living or dead brain as well as those in a computer or chair, are made up of 99.99% empty space.
"I regard consciousness as fundamental. I regard matter as derivative from consciousness."
(Max Planck)
The bottom line is, although modern science is fascinating and absolutely worthy of following and supporting it it does have a big problem with dogmatism. In part this may have arisen due to the need to counter extreme religious dogmatism (such as especially creationism) with an equally militant point of view. I ought to point out that skepticism doesn't necessarily equal dogmatism; I'm much in favor of a healthy measure of skepticism, especially when it comes to urban myths, conspiracy theories and the like (and by the way, for those who'd like to know how crop circles are created, you can certainly find tutorials online) but I just wish people would stop pretending science already knows everything when we have barely scratched the surface of everything that can possibly be known.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
A new start 2014!
I meant to continue this blog some day... and I guess now is the time! I'll be trying to post regularly, and the reason I've decided to do it is that I feel I have a need for it.
In the past one and a half years since I started working out at McFit I've made some major athletic progress; of course I'm determined to keep it up but I also need to work on my mental and spiritual development.
Many of the people following me on Facebook are probably doing so in the first place for the reason that I'm a female bodybuilder, so sorry to my "fans" but this blog won't be about bodybuilding.
One of the major subjects may be dreams.
I've started reading another book about lucid dreaming, it's called "Are You Dreaming?" by Daniel Love. I've been interested in lucid dreams for a long time but it's also been long that I last read a book about it and worked with my dreams more closely. I've kept a dream journal but added to it only very infrequently, and more often than not I've been unable to recall my dreams. I'm hoping to change this now as I feel there is a lot to be gained by paying close attention to this part of life's experiences.
But to follow the kind of training outlined in the above book seems daunting - much more so than the other books I read about lucid dreaming some years ago would make it seem, and so it's no wonder I felt pretty frustrated back then about having so little success in taking control of my dreams.
Mind you, little success doesn't mean none at all. It's probably just that the books I previously read kept silent as to how much it may really take in terms of work and especially patience in order to get more proficient at it. The new book and also certain websites don't fail to mention that (without training) only some percentage of people will experience a lucid dream in their lives.That is, one? In their entire lives??? Considering this, I've certainly been faring much better in that I've had at least the occasional, brief lucid dream, maybe about twice a year on average. My very first one was in the night after visiting a lecture about dreaming at a local library back when I was about 15; the lecturer mentioned lucid dreams and said that many people will spontaneously have a lucid dream after they learn for the first time about this possibility, and that's exactly how it happened to me. So I know first hand that lucid dreams are indeed a real possibility - I learned only recently that there apparently are people who claim otherwise!
I'm not sure if I'll be able to really take control of it, given the daunting prerequisites outlined in the above mentioned book, but I feel a need to at least start working much more closely with my dreams as well as general awareness as a I feel this mental and spiritual side of my life is somewhat lacking. According to the book it takes even more though than to simply write down one's dreams in a journal...
Well, I may write down some of them here, as well as more general insights about my life and life in general in order to keep track of where I'm headed.
Using this blog seems like a neat option to me, along with the opportunity to possibly share and discuss ideas with other people and thereby learn more along the way!
So this is one of my plans for this new year
See all the stars in my background here? The stars are not the limit - maybe the event horizon of our expanding universe is. But only for now. :)
In the past one and a half years since I started working out at McFit I've made some major athletic progress; of course I'm determined to keep it up but I also need to work on my mental and spiritual development.
Many of the people following me on Facebook are probably doing so in the first place for the reason that I'm a female bodybuilder, so sorry to my "fans" but this blog won't be about bodybuilding.
One of the major subjects may be dreams.
I've started reading another book about lucid dreaming, it's called "Are You Dreaming?" by Daniel Love. I've been interested in lucid dreams for a long time but it's also been long that I last read a book about it and worked with my dreams more closely. I've kept a dream journal but added to it only very infrequently, and more often than not I've been unable to recall my dreams. I'm hoping to change this now as I feel there is a lot to be gained by paying close attention to this part of life's experiences.
But to follow the kind of training outlined in the above book seems daunting - much more so than the other books I read about lucid dreaming some years ago would make it seem, and so it's no wonder I felt pretty frustrated back then about having so little success in taking control of my dreams.
Mind you, little success doesn't mean none at all. It's probably just that the books I previously read kept silent as to how much it may really take in terms of work and especially patience in order to get more proficient at it. The new book and also certain websites don't fail to mention that (without training) only some percentage of people will experience a lucid dream in their lives.That is, one? In their entire lives??? Considering this, I've certainly been faring much better in that I've had at least the occasional, brief lucid dream, maybe about twice a year on average. My very first one was in the night after visiting a lecture about dreaming at a local library back when I was about 15; the lecturer mentioned lucid dreams and said that many people will spontaneously have a lucid dream after they learn for the first time about this possibility, and that's exactly how it happened to me. So I know first hand that lucid dreams are indeed a real possibility - I learned only recently that there apparently are people who claim otherwise!
I'm not sure if I'll be able to really take control of it, given the daunting prerequisites outlined in the above mentioned book, but I feel a need to at least start working much more closely with my dreams as well as general awareness as a I feel this mental and spiritual side of my life is somewhat lacking. According to the book it takes even more though than to simply write down one's dreams in a journal...
Well, I may write down some of them here, as well as more general insights about my life and life in general in order to keep track of where I'm headed.
Using this blog seems like a neat option to me, along with the opportunity to possibly share and discuss ideas with other people and thereby learn more along the way!
So this is one of my plans for this new year
See all the stars in my background here? The stars are not the limit - maybe the event horizon of our expanding universe is. But only for now. :)
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