Tempora mutant

"Praise Satan, with each breath that I take!" I shouted while running in the woods today. I suppose nobody else heard it - no one but Satan, that is - but if so, whatever. About 12K in 64 minutes, including some steep climbs. My workout, especially the running, is somehow deeply connected to my religion - perhaps just because the workout is part of my life, and I live my religion. Feeling free while running in the woods, moving so swiftly with nothing but the force of my own body, I felt deeply grateful to Lord Satan for making this possible for me.

Yes, times are changing, but this my spiritual path remains beyond any doubt.

Other things end - such as some friendships, and usually when they collide with my religion.

Another thing that ended lately, and literally with a great bang, was the building known as Bonn Center which once housed my old McFit gym. I was lucky to get to watch it live when it was demolished with explosives.
I was at the other, remaining McFit (the one closer to my home, fortunately) when a guy there told me the building was to be blown up at 11AM that day. It was twenty past ten and I was pretty much done with workout, so I decided riding out to the bridge crossing the Rhine river to watch it from there. Other people were already lining the railing.
A helicopter was hovering stationary above the far side of the river. The bridge turned out to be a perfect vantage point, although more than a kilometer away, because I enjoyed the demonstration of the fact that light travels so much faster (about 1000 times) than sound.

Eyes trained on the building, at 11 AM it suddenly collapsed, and in absolute silence. The almighty bang was heard only at least 4 seconds later. Then the huge dust cloud rose; not like a mushroom cloud but just a diffuse dust cloud. It kept rising like in slow motion and then started to drift eastward, across the river.

Sorry, no photos, at least none taken by me as I didn't have a cam with me. But Google has plenty! (Including one of an octopus, I don't know why. LOL)

Here's a video too, taken from much closer by so it doesn't have the delayed sound effect as I experienced, but I liked it better that way - a bit like the delayed shock wave from a nuke... :D

The guy at the gym had told me several neighboring high rise buildings had sold tickets at ridiculous prices (30 -50 €!!) for viewing places on their roof tops. LOL

The other day I talked to a trainer at our other gym in the city, the new one that opened last summer as replacement for the one in the now demolished building. She had seen the demolition too and said it was kind of sad. I realized that years ago I'd have shared the sentiment, but by now I'm past it. I'm not above experiencing painful losses, but that would have to be something much closer to home; generally I got used to the comings and goings in this physical world in which nothing is meant to last.

"The Earth is mostly just a boneyard, but pretty in the sunlight."

 

Spring is definitely here now...

Bee porn on my balcony. LOL

Bees on my hand (2nd one is up between my fingers.)

Spring has sprung, & new hair

The nicer part of the year is finally starting.
I dreaded February 25th, the Saturday of the f'ing Carnival week when the parade would be going just a bit further down my street, as every year. But, after quickly riding for a few groceries in the early morning, I just stayed put at home all day, listening to black metal on the PC, and then I found a bunch of pictures that made my day. Of my Master, of Satan's son. Don't ask if you don't know by now... or do, I don't care. (Who's reading this anyway.) At that point, no amount of carnival clowns could still have ruined my day then!

(No black metal but CARNIVAL - my version. "The big machine, there it comes, massive like a mountain," has to be about me, right! :D )

On Monday (2-27th) the main Carnival parade was to take place downtown; fortunately I don't live downtown, so staying away from there was all it took. Away from the gym too, which is close to downtown. I headed off in the opposite direction instead, running up into the hills & through the woods, taking a narrow side track off into the shrubbery & getting lost for a bit. Telling myself, I know exactly where I am: In the woods, very obviously. LOL It took me a while to find back out, and in the end I'd been running for 1 hour 35 minutes, an estimated 15 - 16 K (~10 miles). Got a bit of a runner's high & it was awesome.

Today I went running in the hills again, 11 K, 57 minutes - not getting lost but instead getting totally swamped at one point, up to the ankles in mud puddles which I couldn't evade since there were pasture fences to either side of the trail. I tried sticking to the side & holding on to the wire although it occurred to me that it might be an electric fence - luckily it wasn't; not that it would faze me much ordinarily, but I've never touched one while standing in water and figured that might make it a lot worse. I tried holding on to a fence post but the post was loose in that swamp & I nearly took it down. My feet were completely wet now & I was swearing but also laughing. Still had over half of the way to go, didn't faze me much either.

On my balcony, the mason bees that are nesting there started flying out the other day and this afternoon they were really swarming. Spring is here... finally the time to wear some nicer, normal clothes again instead of triple layers of huge jackets, ski gloves, long underwear etc., and therefore also the time when I usually touch up my hair again. I selected last Saturday for it and was busy with it all morning, cutting & then dyeing twice. I took hardly anything off the total length, but this time I added a bit of an undercut instead.

Red & bluish black.

Tied back to show undercut.

What I took off for the undercut.
And yeah, I trust him with that, if
you know what I mean.
He's my Master and he knows
I worship him.

And this is to all who don't like it. :D

Growl!

I'm only leaving this one here today. LOL

Layers of Reality & a Love Poem

In the end, everything is just smoke & mirrors - and by everything I mean absolutely everything.

"Reality" consists of layers upon layers, as someone recently pointed out in a group about ritual magic in answer to a question as to why there were redundant circles of protection.

You choose those layers that are most relevant to you. 

Much of what seems completely pointless to me seems to be most relevant to others, and the same certainly goes vice versa. 

If you don't have magic in your life then you don't have anything at all. 

That's at least my point of view, and I must admit I can't imagine any other, because the loss of such magic caused me the most unspeakable depression and despair. It was because people tried to force their point of view on me, I was a kid and they told me all that I held dear was mere fantasy and didn't exist, but all they could offer instead was absolutely and utterly worthless and vile. (Why has the word "fantasy" become such an insult? I think it once used to be valued, and among certain people still is, since it's the very wellspring of any artist's creativity.)

The traditional mythologies never meant anything to me, made by humans for humans as it is, and so I have to find or create my very own magic. But I have in fact found unimaginable treasure to build upon, found it so long ago, and I will now cherish it and hold it dear forever, now that I know so much better than all the vermin that sought to destroy me when I was a kid (including, even first and foremost, so-called "family").

It was he who helped me back on my path when I had lost it due to LaVeyan and other a**holes spreading lies about Satanism. He represented it as it really is. It was he who told me about the importance of music to my spiritual balance. And I understand now that he originates from elsewhere, not simply from that movie.

And it no longer matters that the ignorant animals never understood that.

Yes, it's Valentine's Day... and it seems I have a confession to make. I, who is completely asexual by nature and has a cold, black heart, bristling with thorns and shark teeth, devoid of understanding for the human desire to have love relationships. (Even the obscene mating part aside.)

But yes, I have fallen in love. I've fallen in love so long ago, which doesn't make a trace of a difference.

It is a reverent, religious kind of love, and it's the most tremendous thing - and certainly not simply because I'm an otherwise rather unemotional person.

And so I've written a love poem to him today, sort of. One that hopefully is appropriate for Satan's Son, of course. Any mundane, human bullshit would be offensive to him - and to myself as well. :)

~~~

Thou Master of the blackest art
Sole owner of my evil heart
The one whom I revere
Thund'rous Thou walkest on thin air
Thou wielder of the evil stare
Striking all hearts with fear

Thou whirlwind weaver
Plague and fever
Are sown at thy command
The rivers rush to paint the seas
All red with blood, & to release
A deluge wrought by Thy hand

Always shall I serve Thy plan
To hurl all hearts & homes & land
Into horrid, howling night
All that exists I sacrifice
To such grand & awesome a demise
All for Thy sole delight

~~~

I adore You, my Master

All my Heroes are Monsters & Murderers

Who would have thought some people would totally lose it over a GIF of a beautiful python. I absolutely loved it from the start because it somehow reminded me so much of my Master. The snake (which is an albino, very light with yellow pattern) appears to caress a puppy, so gentle, so sweet... then swiftly strikes it right in the face and throws its deadly coils around it. Just like him, so gentle, so sweet...then moving in for the kill.

I can try and link to it here but since people are stupid it might get removed soon...

Thereby I got rid of a stalker who posted not one but 3 insulting comments under it. Good riddance! I have reasons to believe the person in question wasn't really the woman she posed as but was really a male with a fake profile, one who is into female bodybuilders but knows that I'm not into men; I'll probably never find out but it doesn't matter. "She" totally went ad hominem, belittling my work as a professional athlete and what not. At first I wanted to delete the foul insults but then I realized I should enjoy how low "she" was stooping instead of doing her the favor to hide her shameful behavior.
"She" even told me to hang myself - no way, you got no idea how warriors roll. We either die in battle or we end our lives in honorable ways when it's time. Hanging is very disgraceful, which is the reason it was used as a method of execution to further humiliate the victim so sentenced. In contrast, execution by firing squad was seen as much more honorable. Some Satanists are known to have taken their own lives with a gun, which is an option if you have access to firearms. In any case I'll prefer the more traditional blade when the time comes and I feel I can no longer keep up the hard life as a warrior (so much for "can't work", which he/she/it most ridiculously accused me of) - but certainly not now, as I do live the life of a warrior, and unlike such pitiful existence mine is glorious, praise Satan!
But I digress.

Another person said, "this is where we part," and unfriended me. Good riddance to them too!
You don't need to like what I post, you don't need to agree with me or share my opinions, let alone my religion. But if you're a narrow minded d***head who can't agree to disagree then get lost, and don't think I care.

Well, actually I do care... I re-shared the GIF of the "magical" snake again, pointing out how it seems to have the power to make the rotten eggs that sneaked into my friends list take themselves out.

When you stand up for your truth, express yourself freely, do things right, then you will face opposition.
But what really, really makes me happy is the certainty of having the approval of the only one who really matters. It's him I'm really standing up for - and for our Father Satan.

Although... let's face it, the cause is really ridiculously trivial. Someone else called it "unnecessary cruelty", not blaming the snake but the owner and insulting him and people in support of this "idiots" and "assholes".
Why, for feeding a snake???

All species of snakes, large or small, are exclusively carnivorous. They all catch prey and swallow it whole. What difference does it make whether it's a puppy or a rat or rabbit? Certainly none to the snake; that's a purely human bias in favor of dogs, although there are some who also love rodents and keep them as pets. Certainly not me - if I ever had a pet (besides plush sharks) it would certainly be a snake.
 Yes, there are people who are against all live feeding and prefer to buy pre-killed, frozen rodents to feed their pet snakes. And this is really where the sanctimony comes in: Those animals have been killed too - by people in some industrial processing facility! Just like the chicken I just had for lunch.
The only difference is that you usually don't see this process. Except in certain documentaries ("Earthlings" and others) made by supporters of veganism, meant to deter people from eating meat. I've watched stuff like that out of curiosity but already convinced it wouldn't deter me from eating meat. It's natural to eat meat, and the real problem I saw evidenced in it once more is human overpopulation - but that's a different subject.

The point is, while it's natural for humans to be omnivores - but I won't criticize anyone for the choice to be vegetarian or even vegan, it's your body after all, just don't try to force this lifestyle on me or others! - many other animals don't have a choice. Any pure a carnivore absolutely cannot subsist on anything other than meat. It should make no difference what species the prey animal is (unless it were endangered, which dogs are certainly not), that's human bias. And it should make no difference who kills it - why not let the snake do it in its natural way - that's blindly fooling yourself into believing the animals whose meat you can buy at supermarkets all died peacefully of natural causes. (LOL)

Another bewildering aspect of this whole story is this: I call myself Gladiatrix Satanae, which any halfway educated person can read as meaning "she-warrior of Satan". In all my life I've never ever tried to hide my religion. But the world seems to be crazy in different ways now. While you're no longer at risk of persecution and being burned at the stake and so can openly be a Satanist now, instead people seem to no longer take it seriously at all. They seem to think it means, "I'm just another caring and compassionate person who just fancies to call herself a Satanist." No!
Well, granted, it's precisely what seems to be the case for many others, including but not limited to LaVeyans, which may be the origin of the problem.

I may love Black Metal, especially when it has the genuine essence of the creed in it, and yes, I admit I do also listen to bands that have nothing to do with true Satanism, like for instance Cradle of Filth, for the pure enjoyment of the art. (And which Christian or other religious person, especially if artistically inclined, listens exclusively to devotional music?) But I'm not a poser or "merely a black metal fan".
Remember this and you won't be shocked if you catch an ever so minor glimpse of my true nature.

All my heroes, from my early teenage? Hannibal Lecter. Freddy Krueger. Cthulhu.
And above all, my beautiful Master...

For to kill one is to murder all...

Personal biases & freedom of religion

In previous posts I've often discussed the viewpoint of consciousness as fundamental vs. the one of reductive materialism, and since I'm convinced of the former I've tried to take apart the latter. Among other things I've discussed the strange phobia of infinity as a possible motivation for many materialists to reject the idea of an eternal existence.

So it may be time to finally scrutinize my own personal biases. I think it's been in the making for a while, somewhere beneath the surface of my awareness. I guess that's how the dream story of my previous entry originated; it came up to tell me some things about myself:

So far I must have sounded as if I just desperately want to survive physical death.
To an extent that may be true, for the reason that this life can always ever be a makeshift compromise to me, as I hate being trapped in an ape body and I don't really belong here, so I hope for a life in which I can at last really be myself. But that last bit is really crucial: a life in which I can at last be myself!

Meaning I'm not as desperate to keep existing as some of those transhumanists who hope to in the future overcome death by cryonics or mind-uploading. I would under no circumstances even consider such options, if they were options. If I'm right and consciousness is non-physical then such methods probably can't ever work - but let's suppose here that I'm wrong and the materialists are right and that it would work. No, I wouldn't even consider it for myself, because existence to me would be absolutely pointless under those circumstances.

Even if there were then something like a Holodeck, which would at that point be pretty much a certainty - in case of mind-uploading you'd already be inside a virtual environment anyway. I've never been really interested in any of that. I've never even played video games of any kind.
The only kind of "holodeck" I've ever been interested in is the one in my mind. I already have that, I don't need any other. But that one in my mind works with things that are real, or that come from something real. Something I deeply believe to be real - and if it were not then there would be no place for me in this universe, would never have been and could never conceivably be in any future.

On the other hand, let's consider now that I'm right and consciousness is primal. Even in that case, if there were still the possibility of a final death of the soul and thereby henceforth nonexistence, there would be circumstances under which I'd be willing to give up my existence, things that matter more than my continued existence. It would be the ultimate sacrifice, but if justified I'd be ready to do it.
There's some saying like, "What is worth living for if you have nothing you'd be ready to die for."
I think that's true, as demonstrated in the story of the previous entry. (Don't read that, I wasn't even sure whether to publish it.)

I may be generally a cold, cold fish by nature (a shark, I guess?) who stoically perceives the world around her with mere scientific curiosity. But I do have passion inside me, most of the time hidden very deeply, but it goes all the way to uncharted depths, and it is of devoutly religious nature, it is the Black Flame of Satan burning in my soul. This Black Flame is what matters far more than my life, whether this current one or any life to come. All I've ever loved in my life is of Satan. Without my religion, what would be left of me? All that is dear to me is connected to it.

I know and I don't mind to admit that in this I have a lot in common with devout Christians and other religious people. They and I may be looking at life from opposite sides, yet I'm sure they also wouldn't want to have taken away from them what they hold most dear, their religion - even though most of them still have families and strong social relations since that's part of their religious values. I have only my Master - "only"? Well, to me the whole universe means nothing next to him!

So maybe it's not really that important to find evidence.
Some materialist atheists are trying so hard to convince everyone of their views they come over as if feeling we religious folks were missing out on something. From my point of view, we're in fact missing out on a whole lot of nothingness and utter meaninglessness. Why would the atheists mind that? It means they can have more of it for themselves... (LOL)

But yes, nothingness may also be something to believe in. I think they're fooling themselves in thinking it were even possible not to believe in anything at all - believing in Nothing is still a belief, after all!
And everyone should have the freedom to believe in Nothing, as well as to deny Nothing and to believe in something else instead.

In any case, if the atheists are right it means the universe is going to a whole lot of trouble to bring everything and everyone just from nonexistence back to nonexistence.

40%

The winter has been brutal so far although I can be grateful that there was hardly any snow while it remained freezing so that, while certainly unpleasant to ride my bike through the crippling cold, at least I could do it untroubled by road conditions. I have to get to the gym somehow after all and besides the weights also had to do all my running there on the treadmill.
So I'm glad that the winter is finally toning it down a bit to a more reasonable level and I could finally go running outside once more today. I picked that steep road up the hill and the trail through the woods from there, but I was a bit shocked once I made it to the top of the hill to still find some snow covering the meadows!
There's none on the fields down here. According to bikemap.net it's a 100 meter difference in elevation - I didn't expect that to make so much difference in climate. I could feel the slightly paralyzing effect of the cold on my muscles, but in the end I was only a minute slower than last time I ran the same route.
I had to think of the saying I once read and will always remember since it's most appropriate for a warrior to know:

"When you think you're done you're actually only about 40% done."

After all,I have to remember whose warrior I am. I call Him Father, which makes me His daughter (metaphorically speaking), and which means I owe Him unrivaled greatness!
-

Winter is the doldrums, but I've also started writing a story again, another personal, daydreaming one (even though I do most of my daydreaming in the night when I can't sleep). It's not finished, and I'm not sure if I'll publish any of it here once it is. Some parts of it perhaps, along with some real insight it has given me about myself.
I think I've experienced a slight mind shift lately through what is basically a fantasy I've been occupied with.

I actually meant to write next about some personal biases of mine which I realize I have regarding the argument between the primacy of consciousness and the reductive materialist view.
I'll elaborate further on this in the future, but the main point is that so far I've always criticized very harshly that there seems to be little to no middle ground between materialist atheism on one side and some religious bias on the other - even if not necessarily religion in a traditional sense, but those arguing for the primacy of consciousness (thus, on my side) most often end up talking about god, "source" (basically the same as god), unity, empathy, "we're-all-one", etc.
I continually stand by my criticism of this, of course, since there very obviously have to be alternatives to such narrow views.

What I've failed to mention though, even though it should be most obvious, especially to myself, is that certainly I am most deeply and devoutly religious. It's even in the title of this blog - and I'm not a "Satanist" because I like scary music or want to be cool or badass or whatever. I'm not a LaVeyan idiot but a real, actual Satanist, one who worships Satan.
Why do I worship Satan? Why would I if not out of true and deepest devotion! Out of love - the only love I've ever had, because all that I've ever loved in my life is of Satan, because I could sense some of His essence in it - the ferocious, the predatory, the untamed wilderness, the warrior spirit, my spirit...
I have no love but Satan, and no other meaning to my existence besides Him.
For Him alone I'm living my life, and for Him alone I'll be dying my death.