Alignment

Someone on FB spoke about Saturnian energies prevalent at this time. I pay too little attention to these things to be able to tell, distractions in this day and age are manifold, many things to learn about, and so much exhausting work(out) to be done each day. But yes, I think I may be subconsciously very receptive to the Saturnian energies as well and may have been feeling them, in an emphasized attraction to death and darkness which have always slumbered deep at the roots of my being, even when I was a child, and long before I knew my Master - although he may quite possibly already have known me then.
An inexhaustible well of poison has always rested in those roots, so eager to invenomate the world; those roots of mine which could never find anything else to anchor to and thus grew all the way down into Hell.

Still I struggle with my ingrained scientific world view on the one hand and on the other with those trying to pass off some tame, benevolent and even humanitarian ideas for Satanism.
The former which torments me with doubts about the one and only relationship that matters in my life - the one and only relationship that has ever existed in my life, really - and the latter which only makes me need him the more since he is the one who holds the truth.
He and I are in alignment.

No, there's absolutely no such thing as "Satanic Rules" - that shit was made up by LaVey and his pseudos, none of which has anything remotely to do with Satanism. "Satanic" and "rules" are mutually exclusive, and most of those rules are as un-Satanic as can be. From the spiritual aspect, as a Satanist you can harm or kill whatever and whoever you please. "Don't harm little children"? My Master does that all the time. He did in the movie, he does in my stories. I thought about it, I wrote some earlier stories about him and he killed at least one child in nearly all of them. He did in DreamCycle, he did in The Grave Beyond All Graves. In the early Nightmares From the City of Dreams, short, early predecessor of The Touch of Evil, the killing of children was at least mentioned. I can't even tell exactly why, it's not my creation, it's how I perceive him.
Of course, the movie is still just a movie and never happened in exactly this way (which is something I intended to be mentioned in our conversations in the story but somehow couldn't find a place for it), but I believe it was in part perceived as a reflection from elsewhere, just like most things that take shape in this physical world.

Whenever I feel uncertain I turn to him and I see clearly, for he truly is the Messiah, certainly to me he is.
I've heard from others who have conversed with demons, and I could always only wonder how they're able to do it. But I talk to my Master, in ways that may be both crude and inappropriate, but I have the need to do it. As I said, the one and only kind of relationship that has ever existed in my life, besides a few friendships that were most often short-lived and the few that have lasted are nearly exclusively online and mostly very long distance. All day long, excluding occasional online chats, I usually have no one else to talk to anyway.

A while ago someone posted a meme on FB saying that, since knowledge is power, the more you know about a person the more power it gives you over them. It's straightforward and for this reason I've often been hesitant about what to post here, but since I hardly ever get any feedback at all I guess it's safe to assume no one cares anyway, and so I'm continuing to leave my "graffiti on the fabric of spacetime". There's no one around me anyway who might want to use such knowledge about my person. There's only my Master in my life.

And there's also the needs I shouldn't even have at all. All my love and adoration for him, while perfectly justified, is certainly most inappropriate as well. Not only because he's Satan's son - and just imagine some Christian person having such kind of feelings and fantasies about Jesus Christ as I related them in my story. Makes me really wonder now if there are such people... Among over 7 billion, there probably ought to be some. There have been a whole bunch believing they actually are Jesus Christ (although that's usually not a sane thing to believe), so there probably ought to be a whole bunch as well who are inappropriately in love with their savior... I'd really be curious to know.
Well, that aside, in my case my feelings are very inappropriate for a very different reason still - the reason that I shouldn't have them at all, not for anyone, not even for my Master, at least not in these all too human ways such as displayed in the story. Because emotions are weakness and therefore I've always despised them.

Due to my then horrible circumstances I used to suffer from severe depression in the past. With Father Satan's help I eventually managed to extricate myself from those dire circumstances and to transform my body into something acceptable, at least for human standards. I managed to harden not only my body but also my heart in the process, but only to some extent.
Even when something really upsets me so much that I feel earlier in my life I'd have cried about it, I now find that I couldn't do it anymore even if I wanted. I've become too hard to ever cry, and that's a good thing.
But still it's far from good enough, with my fucking emotions just as with my body. No matter how hard I work out and how strong I become, a human body is still a pathetic, wimpy, squishy thing. Just take a look at Bestgore and you see them smeared on the road all the time. When a truck or tank rolls over you it doesn't matter how "strong" you are. That's why I'd prefer to be the tank...
Yeah right, then you have anti-tank artillery. Nothing is indestructible in this world. I wish I was invincible though.

In my life I only ever kissed another girl when I was about 15 or 16. She was 17, and it was merely out of curiosity, from both sides I guess. Males were always out of the question to me - I guess I'd honestly have barfed - but even with this girl I actually found it pretty repulsive and didn't really get it what people find about that. And ever since I've never kissed anyone again, let alone a person I truly cared for, because I never cared for anyone.
Quote from my story: "I had always been alone, had never before been this close to another person, let alone to a person I truly cared for - as I had never cared for anyone but him."
This is the absolute truth - I've never been this close to anyone, neither physically nor emotionally. At least not in physical, waking life. I've lived in this story though. And a million variations of it and other ones in my mind.

I know he would have no use for this. It's me who is a f'ing wimpy loser, plagued with human emotions. He is so far above all this.
And yet it's better to have all such emotion focused entirely on someone who is worthy... well, even far beyond worthy, obviously. At least this I can say for myself, and I fully own the absolute epitome of arrogance in it: No mere mortal could ever be worthy of my love; yes, I have the brazen arrogance to fall in love only with Satan's son.

Is this really who he is? I can't tell for sure but it seems to make sense in metaphor only, but he surely is of Satan. Of the true Satan - the Lord whose only law is Lawlessness, the Adversary, Enemy of God and Man, the Destroyer of Worlds. Highest praise be to Satan, with each breath that I take, every beat of my cold black heart!
A.M.S.G.

It is done

No, nothing cryptic or sinister, if that's what anyone thought - just a new tattoo I had done today.
On the other hand, it may be cryptic to some, and actually it is sinister indeed - it's Satanic.

Ad Majorem Satanae Gloriam!

It serves to remind me what I'm here for and to always give my best - for whatever I do, with each day of my life and each breath that I take, is for the greater glory of Satan indeed!

It's not the only thing that is done though. I spent much time on the story I wrote, covering the previous three entries, and I have truly lived in it. It's been great to thereby give a more tangible shape to my idea of how my Master and I interact with each other. Yes, it was probably very predictable that he would turn out to be really Satan's son - I guess it was. Probably to anyone except myself - the version of myself in the story, that is. And yes, that's who he is, for real.
Symbols and signs, archetypes, reflections, synchronicities. I've struggled for years and years to understand; I could give a clear explanation now but it is not necessary to do so here, as it is for me to understand.
What I do brings about change - if done with true intent. This is why I write and do other things that I do.

This signed photograph I had ordered over two months ago, it was shipped from my home country and apparently got lost somehow, that's why it took this long, and I'm so grateful that it eventually arrived where it belongs. Not just because I paid over 80 € for this one (including shipping, that is), and it's worth every cent to me. It may have been coincidence that it first got lost - but I was told not to believe in such a thing. But true intent wins out against the forces that may have tried to cross us. It only emphasizes the meaning.

On Facebook there was another incident with another no-longer-my-friend who talked shit about witches. I got very furious about this. Insulting me is one thing, although not advisable either, but insulting my Master or my religion, it's a million times worse!
 It made me think though. In the first place my post had been about the sorry state about the very washed-out definition of the term witch of nowadays - it's much the same shameful thing that happened to the term Satanism, having been hijacked by idiots who don't even believe in Satan.

It had been about some Facebook group allegedly dealing with witchcraft, but in the group description expressly declaring Satanism and black magic unwelcome. It made me wonder what it might still have to do with witches then. I can't stand this bullshit, and I really despise the LaVeyan bullshit. Things used to be much more clear and simple in my Master's day: A witch is usually a Satanist, and a Satanist is very obviously a worshiper of the Devil. And that's the way it ought to be in my book.
I pointed out in my FB post that I'm not even a witch myself when taken in a strict sense - no, I wouldn't usually think of myself as a witch. Except in the widest (but not watered-down) definition I've heard, which states that any person who has willfully turned against God is a witch. According to this definition I'd be most definitely a witch, of course - since I'm most definitely a Satanist.

But as it is, times have changed a lot, and some retarded asshole not taking witches seriously and talking childish bullshit would have been the least of concerns some centuries ago.
The buzzing of flies is all it is!

But it got me to resolve that I ought to do more meaningful things myself. Now that the season is warmer, it's good to be in the woods during the night again - even if a Saturday night wasn't exactly the best choice and I was forced to seek a place further out than originally planned due to noise pollution from the nearby village.
But I found a perfect spot for a little ritual. Had to cross some little "swamp" and therefore had to take off my shoes, but it felt as if it had been planned for me that way. I had with me a black candle and my hunting knife, and everything was perfect. Walking barefoot in the nocturnal woods was beautiful. It was the third full moon night and I needed my small flash light only very sparingly. I can move about in the darkness very well indeed, and a single candle flame is perfectly good for me to read by - I heard for some people that seems to be problematic.

At fleamarket with undercut shaven clean, on May 20th.

In other news, I also bought an electric hair trimmer now for my undercut. It needs to be redone often; doing it with comb & scissors was a hassle; then I shaved it clean once with a disposable shaver but I didn't really care for the feeling - I felt like a cactus. LOL
So I bought the hair trimmer for 15 € and now I can keep it at the desired length - for now, for the summer. Come fall, I guess I'll need to grow it out a bit again due to the murderous German winter. It did feel really cold when shaven clean although it was May!

Then there were warmer days too.
Is she not a hulking warrior?!
A.M.S.G.!

Missile

I once more made a new profile pic for Facebook with Photoshop.
Because at times it becomes necessary to deploy these type of missiles, often even in large quantities, for devastating preemptive strikes.

:D

There, I fixed it

I already finished fixing my Watain back patch mentioned in the previous post, reshaping it in the way it was meant to look according to the photo in the eBay auction. I had to stitch all the way around to reattach the two layers, then to remove the parts still left of the square white seam.

Before.

Fixed it!

Now I only still need to sew it to my jacket.

Fixed with pins, ready to sew on.
That funky rocket stuff on top is my bedding. LOL

If this is not a Becoming...

The Walpurgis Night was glorious. Wild dances I danced here in my secret lair, with the serpentine force taking hold of the spine of a war machine. I'm so grateful to still be able to do this,as it was exactly 2 years ago, the day before Walpurgis 2015, that I was diagnosed with spinal disc damage and thought I might already have to put an early end to my current incarnation. But it only shows once more that modern science and medicine is anything but as omniscient as it is all too often taken to be, and the fallacy of trusting in anyone or anything but in Father Satan.

Make this war machine great again! :D
(Messy hair after dancing)

 This war machine, she's better than she's ever been before. Yes, I danced long and hard on Walpurgis and felt still somewhat affected the next day - more so by the herbs I had smoked - and I went for a run and expected to perform rather poorly, but again I beat my own time on that 9K route by nearly a minute, down to 46 now (make no mistake, the route covers 100 meters of elevation, rather steep in places!).

There have also been some complications lately though. Among other things, a very important & expensive item from eBay still hasn't arrived after over 4 weeks, and another is significantly different from the photo in the description. Here's what it ought to have looked like, and instead it came in ugly, simple rectangle shape and very poor quality, fraying at the edges. I first meant to return it but the seller didn't respond in over a week, and I wasn't able to find this same one anywhere else either, and so I decided to reshape and fix it myself instead - fortunately I'm reasonably good at such crafts, after all. For it's very important to me that it has that tapering shape - this is a back patch to be sewn on a jacket, and the tapering shape it to emphasize my very broad shoulders and narrow waist

 

Because, yes, in my own ways I'm extremely vain. No, you'll never see me wearing makeup, and yes, I got messy hair in the photo above. In fact I got messy hair most of the time, being an athlete. I don't give a shit about being messy, smelly, and ragged. My kind of vanity is in being strong, imposing, intimidating. I'm a monster-trucking warrior, after all!

Besides this I've been spending much time on a story I'm writing - in my mind it's nearly all of the time even.

It started when rereading a story I had written years ago, that one was based on some dream I think but I found it was quite contrived. I spontaneously made a little change, and then I found myself tossing out most of it and writing a whole new story, this time with much more elaborate dialog. It's dialog for the most part. All I kept is basically the setting in Amsterdam and the "I'm-gonna-throw-you-into-the-canal" scene. Well, I think the old version is probably still somewhere on here, I haven't checked, LOL. Assuming pretty much no one's reading my stuff anyway. I'll probably end up posting the new one here as well when it's finished. Or if.

I still keep editing, making changes, letting it evolve; I got no plan for it, and I'm not writing it for anyone but myself.

Like all of the rest, for the most part. This blog is just like a graffiti in cyberspace saying "I was here". Here on Earth, for a while, with no true home here nor among the stars...

Saying, "from the wells of night to the gulfs of space, and from the gulfs of space to the wells of night..."

For this is where I dwell, unseen. All that occurs remains on the inside. I don't post very often, yet I talk here so much more than anywhere - here and on Facebook. Else I usually have only myself and my Master to talk to. As for the story....

In case someone should want to read it later,

****************** SPOILER ALERT ******************

the interesting twist in the story will be that he pretends to be Julian Sands (the actor who played the Warlock in the movie) still playing the role of the Warlock, while actually things are backwards and he really is Satan's son. This will probably be pretty obvious to everyone but myself (the version of myself in the story, that is), so this spoiler alert is probably redundant. But just in case.

******************** END SPOILER *******************

If this (ephemeral life) is not a Becoming then it is nothing at all, and this might be one reason for my writing. A foundation for what is to be. The surface layer of reality is just a wasteland of material things, of particles and radiation that are all just eventually turning to muck via entropy.

It's pretty much proven that purely physical agents could function just the same without consciousness. Then why should consciousness "evolve", just to stare at the meaninglessness of its own fleeting existence? Existing in such a state constitutes torture, but torture is always inflicted intentionally and by malice. So I find it reasonable to think that only a malicious god would impose such an existence on his creatures - and out the window goes your materialism; reductio ad absurdum.

And this is only another one of the many arguments I found over time...

There, I already ended up debunking materialism once more although I had no such intention for this post. Whatever, just rambling. But it sums up my life pretty well: workout, some art/craft, and searching for answers. And worship, of course.

Dance (at least my kind) falls in between there: part workout, part art, and mainly ritual.

I've also been doing some beadwork again, it's still unfinished, but couldn't resist making this medallion...

In support of Middle-Eastern metal bands!

I already mentioned it in the previous post but would like to make a statement again here.
To me it makes no difference where you were born and what color your skin is, as these superficial things have no bearing on who you choose to be, and which side you decide to take.
Hails to all who stand up against the tyrant god!

So here's an official music video by Al-Namrood from Saudi-Arabia!
There's lots of support (but also loads of bullshit, as usual) in the comments. One of the most notable: "[T]hey're from Saudi Arabia and what they do is considered illegal there, illegal enough to warrant the death penalty"
This is precisely why I think artists from such countries deserve a ton of extra credit for what they do - and even more so if their music is as absolutely awesome as this!!!

Al-Namrood were the first I discovered, but meanwhile I found a bunch more Middle-Eastern bands that are just as amazing! Admitted, the oriental sound is totally up my alley, I love it.

Here's Narjahanam, from Bahrain.

Here's Odious, from Egypt.

Here's Nashmeh, from Iran, with a brilliant female vocalist (amazing live performance in Germany).

These are my favorites so far, absolutely worth supporting and spreading word about!

And although not Satanic/black, for those into less dark music and less harsh vocals, here's some really nice folk metal by Al Qaynah from Afghanistan.

Bonus: Al-Namrood with a cover of a punk band The Exploited, "Beat the Bastards" - again with lovely oriental elements which I presume to be absent in the original.
So far I have 2 CDs by Al-Namrood only, bought at Bandcamp (direct link in previous post); albums by the other bands seem to be a bit harder to get your hands on but I'm looking into it.
They only have a single digital track by Nashmeh, but I prefer physical CDs.

Broke for now anyway as I had to buy something extremely expensive from eBay lately but which is a sacred and highly adored treasure I just needed to have - gonna post about it when it's here, comes from good old home USA so it's taking a while, if I'm lucky it may be here before Walpurgis Night.
I'm also writing another story but not sure if I'm gonna publish (yeah, last time I said that too but then did it anyway, LOL),but that's another story. :D

Strange how the world is turning

The past is bleak and barren. All the more pleasant memories I have of my life are of rather recent date, nearly none stretching farther back than the past decade. The further back, the more bleak and awful they get. The more reason to count my blessings now.

Yesterday I celebrated Good Friday - although it's more like an Evil Friday for a Satanist - once more turning to the old ritual of dance, which can be quite powerful when possessing a body like mine that can bear the force of channeling serpentine power, that is fast enough to be nearly lifted up into the air.

I greatly acknowledge the support coming from all corners of the Earth - not support for me personally, that's not what I mean. Most of what support I've had in my life was never given or meant to me personally, but whoever serves Satan is on my side. Whether it's art or music or something entirely different, it can be of great treasure, and there is nowadays so much more of it than there used to be, and much easier accessible.

Btw, from all corners of the world: Even from places where it means putting themselves in great peril, like the black metal band Al-Namrood from Saudi-Arabia, please SUPPORT!!!
I bought two of their albums so far, love the oriental elements in their music, they're amazing artists!

I could tell so much more. I've found treasures on eBay I wouldn't even have dared to dream of ever getting my hands on back when I was a kid and when everyone tried to take it away from me. Yes, that certain movie... Back then, all I knew of it was a crappy VHS version dubbed in a foreign language, barely understandable, and in very poor resolution on a tiny TV set. It's sad how I had never heard his voice then. It's even a wonder how I got the message anyway, so to speak, but such are the powers of Satan.
And no, it wasn't the Warlock who first won me over, I had been worshiping Satan long before that. I first prayed to Satan when I was about 8 years old, and for no apparent reason. I suppose I've had the Black Flame within me all along, possibly even from before I was born into this life - this I don't know about, so I won't make any claims here.

Even when it comes to much more sinister things I've found much treasure I wouldn't have dreamed of back then. I remember when I was a teenager, "Faces of Death" and "Men Behind the Sun" were among the most forbidden, goriest movies out there - in absolutely awful resolution which was explained by the fact of being real footage and seemed to add to the allure somehow. Much, much later I heard they were much less "real" than they were alleged to be...
But nowadays I know where to find lots of gore video material, and it's all real. I've had the immense privilege to view masked men slitting throats in HD, and more.

Yes, I do consider this an immense privilege and I don't give a rat's ass about how anyone likes it. I'm profoundly evil and I delight in it, and it's weird but kind of entertaining how some supposed "friends" suddenly wake up to the fact, sometimes after years only, and due to much more banal incidents than the details I've revealed above - such as the one with the cute little snake.
Yes, I said cute little snake... that's just how I roll, LOL.

One of the people who unfriended me over the snake (yes, after years!) had only about 3 days earlier done me an immense favor in buying me something I was otherwise unable to get my hands on since I don't have any credit card. I paid him back the amount immediately and later received the pictures... pictures of my Master, I needed to have them... To the no-longer-my-friend: You too have served Satan. :D

Yes, I'm profoundly evil but I'm also very tolerant, generous, and I have a great sense of humor.
I'm much more open-minded than some orthodox Satanists who bash, for instance, bands like Cradle of Filth for not being true Satanists. I like the band a lot and have several albums by them - it's great art and I find it enjoyable. They're not opposed to or even hindering the cause by simply making great music, even without the true Satanic spark in it. Not everyone needs to follow the Satanic path - in fact, it's a path only for the few.
But then again, even if not as much by conscious choice, in a way they also have served Satan.

I'm truly grateful for everything offered to me, everything I can have in my life now when in the past I had nothing. Not even anything really worth calling it a life at all. But how things have changed!
We can still win, and I'll make sure we will. I wish to serve Satan, in everything I do.
Honor & loyalty.
Praise Satan!!!