A birthday, a secret, and a resume

First off, since it matters to me and this blog seems to be the only way of getting it out there, I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to Julian Sands. I hope it's alright to mention it here, I'd send you something but I guess it probably wouldn't arrive. You would probably never get to read my letter any more than my blog post here. But I care, and I hope this is what counts the most. You have had a very important part in my life, whether or not you would ever be able to understand this, since it was through you that my spirit companion first reached me, so long ago. I wish you all the best, whatever your path may be, and freedom above all. And if I should ever make it anywhere far on my own path and eventually become a goddess or demoness, which is doubtful, know that I would always protect you. Honor and loyalty, my friend, and please be safe, always. --

As for my own journey, it sure ain't an easy one and I still get depressed a lot, for the most part because of shit that happened in my past, and the memories now pollute my dreams. The trouble is, childhood is a formative time and memories of it are generally a very common motive of dreams, and when there are no happy ones among them and the quietly bleak and depressed ones are still far preferable over the truly traumatic ones, nightmares are practically guaranteed as a consequence.
Further trouble is, I have to work with them though. Many people claim they don't dream at all, or rarely, or the more educated ones among them are aware that everyone dreams every night but that they only can't remember. To me, that's not an option - I hate it when I can't remember and I try actively to work on it, since it's one of the very few avenues I have available to access spirituality at all.

The difficult truth I have to face is, I'm not a spiritual person, at least not by natural inclination. I'm trying to be, but I'm not gifted that way. I have the brain of a materialist, a fact that I hate and which may also be a consequence of what happened to me in early life.
I'll talk some more about these and other things in the video.
Why I've suddenly started to make videos more often than not instead of writing? Because I can now... as a consequence of some very positive changes over the past year. Let me explain... here goes. Unrehearsed. Oh well...