Absurd Claims Demand Absurd Evidence...

And here comes another rant about materialism... but trying to make it insightful too. :)
So they're totally over the edge now in claiming free will is only an illusion - just look at this poor guy who was apparently forced by the laws of causality to make this video (if you can endure his rambling for nearly half an hour; I worked on my new beadwork while listening).
Here's what I wrote about it when I posted it on Facebook:
#1 fault: Right in the start he suggests that our subconscious is part of our brain, which is false. #2: Calling it "absurd" that a particle might have no definite momentum and position at the same time while making the claim that an abstraction of "reality" based on very incomplete data supersedes reality as experienced first-hand - the latter is certainly a larger degree of absurdity. In any case it is based on a far too simplistic idea of the universe (or multiverse) which may well include backward causality, acausality, and things I couldn't even possibly think of...
Once again, consciousness that denies its own existence.

In fact I've come across claims that even consciousness itself is thought to be an illusion - which is no surprise really as it ought not to exist, according to the materialist view. Not that I'd mind it when their claims get more and more absurd, quite to the contrary...

Rupert Sheldrake to the rescue. I really enjoyed reading his book The Science Delusion, I had expected it to be somewhat redundant after watching his video lecture but which wasn't the case at all, it still has many more exciting insights and food for thought to offer, all the while rectifying the way to view the world, bringing it back to life. Knowing he's a Christian doesn't deter me - a very moderate Christian, of course, who won't preach or try to convert; the only times he mentions God is when relating what the mainstream view in times past used to be, when the dogma was held by the Church and denying God was heresy - he's a scientist, after all, even if the indoctrinated fools insult him as being a "pseudoscientist", now in these days when denying materialism is the new heresy.

The argument against free will boils down to determinism which used to be the dream of scientists during the 19th and beginning of the 20th century, until along came quantum mechanics, and it came to stay. Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle tells us that we have to be content with probabilities instead of certainties. And still they're flogging the dead horse of determinism?
In any case the argument would only work if you suppose that minds are material, and Sheldrake did not need to convince me they are not. In his book he wonderfully unlocks the cramped, dark dungeon of the human skull in which the mind is deemed to be incarcerated and he sets it free again to roam the universe. He gives evidence that speaks strongly against the idea that memories are thought to be stored as physical traces in the brain. He also points out the missing heritability problem and that genetics apparently have far less effect on human (and other animals') traits than commonly thought - in other words, your genes do not control you, something I've always felt cannot be quite true since even intelligence is commonly thought to be inheritable, in which case the only possible explanation for mine would be that I got mixed up with another baby at the hospital, something that's probably not happening much nowadays - or back in the mid 80's, that is.

It is strange, I have thought about how, being a Satanist, I might actually welcome all these people denying their souls - being fully aware that this extreme materialist view certainly has arisen in reaction to religion, especially to likewise extreme and fundamentalist forms such as creationism. Strange how the fronts can shift, how extremism breeds extremism, and how creationism and materialism now both attack reason from opposite sides. The materialists even admit to take on this hardline perspective by choice, even in the absence of hard evidence.
Here's a quote by (materialist philosopher) Daniel Dennett: "I adopt the apparently dogmatic rule that dualism is to be avoided at all costs. It is not that I think I can give a knock-down proof that dualism, in all its forms, is false or incoherent, but that, given the way that dualism wallows in mystery, accepting dualism is giving up."
By "giving up" he apparently refers to giving up the chance to arrive at a complete understanding of the universe. It's beyond my own comprehension though how such complete understanding could be that above-all-else important - even above one's own consciousness, free will, and immortal soul!
I may even be just as stubborn in my own absolute insistence on having/being an immortal soul as the atheists are in denying it for the sake of a supposedly complete understanding. But I must also admit that my quarrel with materialism is because I've been struggling to break free from its oppressing and depressing grip, from its "firm foundation of unyielding despair," as Bertrand Russell so very aptly worded it. I've grown up with a scientific world view because science was what I read about and was interested in, and I still am. However, I see my immortal soul, and a meaning to this existence, as far more valuable than such supposedly complete understanding of it - other species and also other human cultures have been thriving happily without the latter.

...which brings me to the next book I've started reading, A Separate Reality by Carlos Castaneda. It's the sequel to "The Teachings of Don Juan" which I read earlier already, and I liked it very much - at least the main part about the actual teachings of don Juan Matus, the old Yaqui Indian shaman of Mexico - only the concluding "Structural Analysis" part I couldn't make much sense of. And now in the sequel it becomes clear right in the start that it's because Castaneda still got it all wrong at that point. He always showed great respect for don Juan and followed his instructions, but he still tried to interpret the experiences in our common, mainstream scientific view, in fact more or less the materialist view. This sequel book is called "A Separate Reality" because he still has to discover that this is what it really is...
When talking about knowledge, Castaneda realized that the two of them were on different tracks again as don Juan was referring to direct knowledge of the world, as opposed to abstract, academic knowledge. Castaneda concludes, "he [don Juan] succeeded in pointing out to me that my view of the world cannot be final because it is only an interpretation."
I'm highlighting this because I think this is a very important insight to take away!

Also, "the warrior's way", as explained by don Juan... the warrior will not worry once [s]he has taken a decision but will simply move along with it. That's the way I do it...
Also he says, the warrior will think of his death when things become unclear. Castaneda admits that,"we never think of it," that most people will avoid thinking of it really.
I have never avoided it. I have in fact never seen Death as an enemy. In the contrary, Death has always been a companion in some ways, so much that it's become so natural... that I have to pause and realize how death or the beyond are elements in the lyrics of most of the music I've ever cared to listen to, not only in obviously Satanic black metal but also much gentler forms of music that I listen to (NO EMO CRAP THOUGH, in my world there's no room for wimpiness and self-pity) - I like quite a broad spectrum really, such as Gothic (Sisters of Mercy: Black Planet), medieval (Schelmish: Ouwe War), dark ambient (Ulf Söderberg: Nattstaden), folk rock (Garmarna: Varulven), electronic (Kirlian Camera: Eclipse)... trying to give a beautiful example of each here from my favorite songs - but there's nearly always at least some mystic element in my music, something that hints of worlds beyond or of bygone times. I've never liked anything too cheerful and mundane.
The path of the warrior has always been mine, by pure nature and instinct. I've been faring quite well in finding my path so far, by just this instinctive and natural way and nothing else. I can feel that I'm alive in a natural world that is alive - and life doesn't mean just biological function, life isn't robotic or mechanical, life is always something spirited.

Bumblebee

 And so another busy but productive week has passed. On Monday I had to ride to Cologne (pictured above: famous Cologne Cathedral) for an appointment - so I could save myself some cardio workout because the ride there is nearly 20 miles, taking nearly 2 hours (and back the same).
I've also been busy with this stuff:

 

 ...the beadwork or the weird writing underneath it, you ask? Both, of course! The beadwork is sort of a commission for a friend, and the writing is work for the nuclear science online course I'm attending. The second week (of eight) was finished with the 2nd weekly exam today, and I'm proud to have a score of 10.00 out of 10.00 again! Some complicated calculations for the radioactive decay constant from the given half life of an isotope were introduced in the past week, but I was lucky, they didn't appear in the exam. :)

 Fortunately the weather has been very nice for the early season, so despite being very busy I also had to take the time for a brief visit at the botanic garden and had to find that most of the crocuses are already gone, it's an early spring this year, instead the daffodils are in full blossom already, as well as this beautiful magnolia tree and the catkins.

 I also finished my new dream catcher which is hanging above my bed now. Yes, with a "radioactive", black heart, black as mine. But it glows in the dark. I don't remember where I once found the rippled hoop, probably on the trash... or at the roadside, as usual. It hasn't caught anything much for me so far though... I've simply been too busy with all kinds of other stuff, I'm afraid, although the work on awareness ought to be a central focus of life.
I found a pretty nice spot outside to sit and meditate when the weather is nice. I'm glad when I can simply be outside again without being cold and miserable.
I was discussing with some friends on Facebook how I love beautiful things, mostly things of nature, large and small - how the beauty of nature is really a very important thing in my life. I remember that one day when I had arrived in Amsterdam and settled in the youth hostel located at the Vondelpark, it was early evening and I went out once more into the park which has several ponds that are all interconnected with little bridges in between. I lay down on the low, wide wall that was the railing of one such bridge and stared up into the sky, how the branches of the tall trees stretched up high into the blue there and little white clouds were floating past, and me just staring into that blue, just staring... how beautiful it was. - And no, I had NOT smoked any weed! Just mentioning it because it's Amsterdam...LOL, but I don't need that, Amsterdam is beautiful for so many more reasons! And so is Nature,and just staring into deep blue skies or endless horizons.

The other day at the gym, a bumblebee had come inside, I saw it buzzing around at the window which was only a crack open, unable to find the way back out. I carefully caught it in my towel and searched for a wider open window (the windows have no handles and can only be opened by staff) but couldn't find one, so just a crack wide had to do. I brought the bee there to the open crack and said, "now go," and slightly blew at it, and it flew away into freedom. I hadn't noticed though that a young guy had attentively followed me, apparently he had been wondering what this mean and brutal looking amazon was going to do to the poor bee... LOL
He smiled and gave me a thumbs up,and I smiled back and returned the gesture. When he went back to his two friends I overheard him saying to them, "a good heart... she brought it outside."
Well, I'm pretty doubtful if that's a way to put it... me, a "good heart", LOL! (Black and radioactive, remember...) But I do certainly have a heart for beauty, and I wouldn't ever harm something so beautiful. I love bumblebees. It looked much like this one, with its velveteen fur with the distinct, bright yellow stripes, just look how beautiful it is!

No Carnival - but Beadwork, Bees, and Nuke Reactors!

...yep, in that order for me today.
In order to avoid any noisy carnival crowds I stayed away from downtown (today was main event with the large parade downtown) and thus also from the gym, instead I headed in the other direction, up into the hills. My favorite season has definitely started now and it was great to be out there again! Even if the skies started out dark and gray, some spots were wonderfully fragrant and buzzing. :)

In the morning I finished my beaded flip flops, and my new dream catcher is also starting to take shape, I need to complete the beading around the hoop and to add some feather tassels on the bottom.

And I'm learning how to build my own nuclear reactor now... (LOL, not really!) ...I mean, my course on Nuclear Science and Technology has started. So far it looks easy as I'm already familiar with most of the concepts - the Wikipedia article on the nuclear fuel cycle is among the recommended reading. I'm wondering if the very interesting, so far mostly theoretical Mark IV reactor types will also be covered. In any case I'm busy, busy!

Can You See My Dorsal Fin?

This morning I had to leave for the gym as early as possible because, yes it's officially the first day of spring but sadly also Carnival season, and today was the day they had a parade in my street again as every year. On the temporary no-parking signs they put up in the street it said 11 through 16:00 h today,so I wanted to be back home by 11 AM latest to batten down the hatches here... and most of all not get stuck in the parade!
So I was at  the gym by about 7:30 AM and by 10 AM out again, just abs & cardio today. Fortunately I encountered no masqueraded crowds on the ride home, except for a lonely pirate walking his dog on the field path,and I like pirates because I am one. :)
(A Satanist always is a pirate in a sense - a rebel and a law unto themselves.)

I'm at war with my power bill so I'm trying to cut down on computer usage - and be more productive at it, more blogging, less Facebook... I got more than enough other stuff to do anyway. But I'm still attending my 10 minute guided meditation... yesterday I felt though that I'd have called it quits if it hadn't been day 8 of 10 anyway, so it's only today and tomorrow left. And on Monday my online course on Nuclear Technology is starting... so many different interests! But yes, I'm very fascinated with all things nuclear, I even read The Making of the Atomic Bomb from cover to cover, over 800 pages. - Back to the meditation subject, I'm planning to continue trying to figure out my own way of doing it, it's a good start but just not my way. Sitting on the chair my back gets terribly tense each time - and I got no problem with my back all day long, I'm a young girl, after all! The other day it got so painful though that I was glad when the session was over and I could move again - problem instantly over! It's true that sitting still is something I'm not exactly good at... but sitting on my bed or the floor with my legs bent sideways in my habitual fashion makes things easier somehow.

I need to work on my awareness, I'm sick of being "drunk" in my dreams. What I mean is this:
A few nights ago I dreamed of an orange airplane on the ground, it was beautiful, like an old-fashioned, double-winged propeller craft, but the wings were folded up and it was transforming somehow while preparing for takeoff. I wanted to take photos of it and fumbled with my "camera" but couldn't get it to work - which was no wonder at all because it was actually a small address notebook. I leafed it through, searching for the page with the "ACTIVATE" button, it had to be in one of the boxes containing other words too... I even found it eventually but it didn't work because the particular spot on the paper with the word "ACTIVATE" on it had worn off from too much use.
So... if in waking life a person were fumbling with a tiny address book and trying to take photos with it we'd usually think this person must be drunk, on drugs, or mentally challenged. That's why I need to change it.

The night after that I dreamed I was moving into a new house, sadly with my mother and her new husband (after 7 years we've been out of contact in the waking world she's still bothering me in my dreams). The house itself was large and awesome and I was asked to pick a room for myself. There were several options... but in the room my mother + husband had picked for themselves there was a spiral stairway leading up into a single attic room.The spiral stairwell ended in the precise center of the room which was rather small but full of sunshine, with large windows on all four sides and a wonderful view of the sunny countryside.
There was the problem that I'd always have to cross their room to get to the stairway to mine, which seemed to bother them less than it did me. There were other, larger rooms I could pick from but I knew I'd regret it - I wanted the attic room!
I know what this means. I want the perfect view above, the light, the clarity... and no one else even claims it, they're too busy with each other and with other, worldly things - but still they (the bad memories) are posing some obstacles for me to overcome.

It will take patience but it will get better; often it feels like I'm just underneath the surface, so close to breaking through to lucidity, like my sharky dorsal fin is already breaking the surface. ;)

A project I'm currently working on...

...a pair of old flip flops. To be new again... :)

You may be wondering what those buttons are for: they're going underneath the slits and the straps will be attached to them.
The beadwork technique is two-drop diagonal peyote. I've actually never seen that anywhere before, at least not two-drop and diagonal combined - but it's pretty straightforward to do if you know either so I don't think I can claim to have invented that. ;)

The left one is already finished!

My latest finished project was this birthday gift for a friend.
I'm also currently working on a dream catcher, both it and the flip flops will be added to my deviantART gallery when finished.

At Winter's End

Fortunately this hasn't been a bad winter - after four freak winters in a row with tons of snow, it's been back to the Rhineland's standard with very cold temperatures and bitter nights of frost but generally no snow; in fact I haven't seen a flake this year and am grateful for it as for someone depending on a bicycle for transportation,snow always is a major issue.
With the snow drops and crocuses already in blossom everywhere, spring seems close at hand now and I'm looking forward to Nature's reawakening and to new adventures out there.

Reminiscing last year's trips, I've been looking through my photos of them.
Here I am in Amsterdam at the Museum Plein, with my rented MacBike behind me. (And no, I can't ever be around anywhere without a bike!)

From Amsterdam I passed through Haarlem on the bike...

...on my way to the shores of the North Sea, about 15 miles from Amsterdam.

~~

At a later occasion, I went on a short trip to a little town called Bad Münstereifel in the nearby Eifel hills. It's just about 30 miles from home but going uphill a lot, so it takes a strong woman and a good bike. :)
I stayed two nights at a youth hostel on a hill top overlooking the picturesque town with its nice historic buildings.

Here I'm sitting on top of the tower of the ancient city wall.

Overlooking the town of Münstereifel from the tower.

And watching the sunset from the hill outside the youth hostel.

~~

And not least, there are really awesome places much closer to home, too!
Like the lakes in the woods near Brühl, just about 10 miles from here...

...as well as my beautiful Rhine river, the Seven Hills, and many more places. Can't wait for spring!

Flea market.  :)

We Are Constant Flux

I somehow didn't bring the previous entry to the full conclusion I had intended since I wanted to get it posted on the relevant day... so I uploaded my Bela Jaws instead.
I picked up a few more points in the meantime, such as someone saying one should always search inside oneself because what really matters is the self which would be sought in vain outside or in someone else, and that they had found themselves to be the soulmate they had previously been looking for. I tend to agree with this. I've said for a long time: Don't ever make your own happiness depend on anyone else.
Yes, I know well this may be easier said than done, even for someone generally not very susceptible to the emotion of love.  (As I already admitted previously, it's a sweet shark who got me. And it would indeed be very hard to be happy without him.)

A question that came up in a discussion was, if the death of the body is not the end of individual existence but a mere transformation, as I have suggested, and if so much of what we feel is determined by brain chemistry and the brain being left behind as part of the body, then how much of the person I was would really be left?
I pointed out that if you're at least a child old enough to read this then none of the atoms in your body are the same ones you were born with. Even the entire human skeleton is completely replaced about every 7 years or thereabouts, and of all the cells in your body only about 10% are actually human - the rest are bacteria that live in and on our bodies forming a microbiome which is indispensable for our health (for instance, we need the bacteria in our intestines to digest our food, and the natural flora on our skin helps fend off harmful molds and germs). Our bodies can be seen as large colonies of cells in a continual state of dying and being replaced. Even our DNA can be altered by our choice of lifestyle. And also the matter that makes up our brains is in constant flux, it is merely the pattern which is for the most part maintained. The only thing relatively constant about the person we are is nothing physical, it is our personality, and even it can and does undergo changes over time.
At least this much I can grant the materialists: We truly are impermanent indeed, at least in the way we are today - not because we will cease to exist though but because we are constantly evolving patterns.

What do I really still have in common with the little girl I once was?
In the process of our learning and development we will inevitably change our views on many things over time. My personal changes were particularly radical. Initially appearing as a rather quiet and obedient child enduring my oppression in silence,I burst out into total rebellion very suddenly at age 11. Somewhere deep inside this spark of Luciferian rebellion had always slumbered though. For instance, I remember when I was in elementary school our class once went to see a theater play, I think it was "The Wizard of Oz". I barely remember the story but only the evil witch in it; I later asked my mother to go and see the play once more - because I had fallen in love with the evil witch and wanted to see her once more. I also remember drawing a picture of myself and the witch holding hands. She had shaggy, fiery red hair and wore a red dress.
Whenever I fell in love later it would always be some evil characters or beings - and to clarify, "falling in love" for me always meant the same innocent infatuation, there was never anything sexual about it, to this day.
It is this attraction to the Darkside, to some evil characters - later as a teenager it would be Freddy Krueger from "A Nightmare on Elm Street", and I still love him, as a very good friend - which I still recognize the most as being myself when looking back at that little girl I was.

But apart from that, what is the one thing that has really always remained constant throughout my life? The one thing that defines me as distinctly myself, standing completely apart from anyone else in the world?
My consciousness, the experiencing self. Ever since I was born I've been looking out at the world through these same eyes and never through anyone else's - at least not in waking life. These eyes are part of my body and the body will eventually be left behind. But I mentioned waking life because dreams are an exception. I still experience looking out at some world each night - while my eyes are actually closed and my body motionless and asleep in the darkness. At that moment I am unaware of my sleeping body in the darkness though, I experience sights and sounds and communications pretty much the way I experience them in waking life, even if under changed rules, with the dream environment readily reflecting back my inner state of thoughts and emotions.
This is the one thing that never changes and whose existence we cannot doubt: the experiencing self. This is who we are and always will be, no matter how our physical body changes - and I really mean no matter how: not only whether you dye your hair a different color or you gain or lose a lot of weight, but even if you could completely alter your shape and turn into, say, a bird - you would still know this bird is you because you would still be experiencing from the perspective of your unique self.

It is for this very reason that I have a so passionate interest in dreams, because of their quality of reflecting back our inner state. In certain ways dreams are a safer environment to interact with: if you happen to get run over by a bus, although it may be horrifying, you will most likely simply wake up. In certain other ways the waking world is a safer environment though: your thoughts are your very private matters, no one else can spy on them or let alone act on them except yourself. In a dream however, whatever you think or feel will quickly manifest and take on a life of its own. Dreams are therefore a great training ground for gaining better control of the state of our selves, something I'm not good at and still require a lot of training in. I stated before that "stress is caused by giving a shit" and I maintain that anyone who doesn't accept me as I am can go and f*** off because I don't need them. But apparently I still allow myself to be bothered too much by people, as evident from my dreams. I'm mostly able to cope to some extent; in the lucid dream I related a while ago where the streets were full of crowds who bullied me I was at least able to kill them by throwing lightning bolts, so I kept the upper hand - but I'd have preferred they hadn't been there at all and I'd have been able to do something completely different instead.
A person who fortunately doesn't bother me any longer in waking life is my mother - we've been out of contact for years and both the happier for it - but in dreams she's still a frequent intruder. The other night I tried to send her this video of a pooping shark to state my opinion but, as typical for technology in dreams, it didn't work. LOL