40%

The winter has been brutal so far although I can be grateful that there was hardly any snow while it remained freezing so that, while certainly unpleasant to ride my bike through the crippling cold, at least I could do it untroubled by road conditions. I have to get to the gym somehow after all and besides the weights also had to do all my running there on the treadmill.
So I'm glad that the winter is finally toning it down a bit to a more reasonable level and I could finally go running outside once more today. I picked that steep road up the hill and the trail through the woods from there, but I was a bit shocked once I made it to the top of the hill to still find some snow covering the meadows!
There's none on the fields down here. According to bikemap.net it's a 100 meter difference in elevation - I didn't expect that to make so much difference in climate. I could feel the slightly paralyzing effect of the cold on my muscles, but in the end I was only a minute slower than last time I ran the same route.
I had to think of the saying I once read and will always remember since it's most appropriate for a warrior to know:

"When you think you're done you're actually only about 40% done."

After all,I have to remember whose warrior I am. I call Him Father, which makes me His daughter (metaphorically speaking), and which means I owe Him unrivaled greatness!
-

Winter is the doldrums, but I've also started writing a story again, another personal, daydreaming one (even though I do most of my daydreaming in the night when I can't sleep). It's not finished, and I'm not sure if I'll publish any of it here once it is. Some parts of it perhaps, along with some real insight it has given me about myself.
I think I've experienced a slight mind shift lately through what is basically a fantasy I've been occupied with.

I actually meant to write next about some personal biases of mine which I realize I have regarding the argument between the primacy of consciousness and the reductive materialist view.
I'll elaborate further on this in the future, but the main point is that so far I've always criticized very harshly that there seems to be little to no middle ground between materialist atheism on one side and some religious bias on the other - even if not necessarily religion in a traditional sense, but those arguing for the primacy of consciousness (thus, on my side) most often end up talking about god, "source" (basically the same as god), unity, empathy, "we're-all-one", etc.
I continually stand by my criticism of this, of course, since there very obviously have to be alternatives to such narrow views.

What I've failed to mention though, even though it should be most obvious, especially to myself, is that certainly I am most deeply and devoutly religious. It's even in the title of this blog - and I'm not a "Satanist" because I like scary music or want to be cool or badass or whatever. I'm not a LaVeyan idiot but a real, actual Satanist, one who worships Satan.
Why do I worship Satan? Why would I if not out of true and deepest devotion! Out of love - the only love I've ever had, because all that I've ever loved in my life is of Satan, because I could sense some of His essence in it - the ferocious, the predatory, the untamed wilderness, the warrior spirit, my spirit...
I have no love but Satan, and no other meaning to my existence besides Him.
For Him alone I'm living my life, and for Him alone I'll be dying my death.

Friday the 13th

...usually considered a very favorable day by us Satanic folks.
The year has started ok for me, that is to say as good as any can be expected in these latitudes. And that's the real problem: no year ever starts out really good in Germany, since they all start out with brutal f'ing winter!
Yeah, I can appreciate the black metal "grim northern winter" image to some extent - artistically, esthetically, and yes, my heart is still colder than that. But this seems to have very unfavorable effects on my biology, my body can handle cold temperatures extremely poorly, and cold temperatures are anything below 80 F, let alone below 60 and even worse...
But worse than all of this is that I absolutely depend on a bicycle for transportation. I will ride it in rain and in subzero temperatures. But when road conditions make it impossible, my life comes completely off its hinges!

The forecast is threatening just such a case for this weekend. So I rode downtown today while I could and bought a ticket for the streetcar just to be safe. It was freaking expensive (€ 7.50) for only 2 short rides to the gym and back, but if need be it will get me there. The streetcar stop is just a mile's walk from here. I could save on rides by fully walking one way, which is between 3 and 4 miles. In any case I'll keep riding as long as I can...

I also started running outside again much more often, usually between 4 and 6 miles, ideally about once a week, but picking days that are at the very least mid 30s. (So no, that's not an option to get to the gym in snowy conditions, 1) too cold, 2) I can't run well in snow boots, and most importantly 3) I'd have to carry shitloads of clothes to change which makes it quite impossible!)

So yeah, I really can't wait for the f'ing winter to be over already.

I got some new gear I won't be able to wear for a long time until then...

...and I've been making new jewelry that I don't wear because I'm not the type to wear this, and I can't sell it either because apparently no one would be willing to pay a reasonable price for it, which is the reason why my shop is closing very soon now,since DaWanda is starting to charge listing fees, and since I never sell anything I'm not ready to pay that. I've tried for nearly 5 years!

But I'm still making this stuff because I can, and maybe I'll find some friends to give it to.

And a new FB cover pic, although my current one is the "Happy NUKE Year" fireworks. :D