I was so worried for him. He suddenly was unwell the other day, and then yesterday I called for him several times but he remained absent, and today still he wasn't there at first. I had the babies all over me, who are so adorable, and several grown ones too, yet still I was sad because I thought something might have happened to Bumpy. Then suddenly, there he was! And aggressive as ever.
I have to admit Bumpy is not exactly the nicest fellow, as can be seen here, he's very jealous and attacks all others, even the poor babies. Bumpy is antisocial. He bit me again in the process, although he doesn't target me. He peed on me again too - that he does on purpose, I guess to mark me as his own. It's like just a little pond water, so I don't mind it. I'm so glad to have my cheeky little boyfriend back, I love him so much!
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
On a quest in Northern Ireland
It's been 2 weeks already since I returned from this adventurous trip, visiting my friend in Belfast again.
She hadn't told me beforehand about this curious holiday I was to encounter, which is pretty much unknown outside of Ireland; at least I had never heard about it before. I looked it up now, and it appears that they usually refer to it as simply "the 12th", like we Americans call our Independence Day "the 4th".
She hadn't told me beforehand about this curious holiday I was to encounter, which is pretty much unknown outside of Ireland; at least I had never heard about it before. I looked it up now, and it appears that they usually refer to it as simply "the 12th", like we Americans call our Independence Day "the 4th".
This time around I also found the opportunity to take pictures of the Big Fish, which Amanda told me is the symbol of Belfast. It's recognizable for sure, but reading the plaque by the statue I found that this Big Fish actually is of very recent date, of 1997, which makes it even a decade younger than myself, which I hate to admit, of course.
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| Big Fish |
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| Heavily armored patrol car |
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| Police guarding the parade. Looking a bit intimidating, but they were all friendly. |
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| July 12th parade |
The day after this parade day, Saturday, my friend and I would visit the shaman. It was about an hour's bus trip into the hills to the place he lives. And as I mentioned in the above video, sadly nothing came of it really; he couldn't help me with the communication problem with my Master, and his views as to how I ought to proceed were incompatible with my own, and with my way of life. He was very friendly, but while I would like to know how I ended up as a sort of a foreign intruder in that German and Danish family line which is so alien to me, he insisted on the importance of ancestors and urged me to embrace their heritage.
I still have nightmares about my birth "family", and about people speaking German, I hate those people and their vile language that I was once forced to learn as a child. I worked so long and hard to free myself of this, and I'm even far from done yet; the nightmares are less frequent and less severe but they still come.
My friend Amanda understood me much better; after we left the shaman's place she suggested that it would be best for me to leave Germany forever so that I'd be no longer exposed to hearing that language that tortures me. Of course that's true and it's what I wanted since my childhood, but there's no way to make it happen. And as of late I'd no longer want to leave, because of my nutrias. And where would I go anyway.
I still have nightmares about my birth "family", and about people speaking German, I hate those people and their vile language that I was once forced to learn as a child. I worked so long and hard to free myself of this, and I'm even far from done yet; the nightmares are less frequent and less severe but they still come.
My friend Amanda understood me much better; after we left the shaman's place she suggested that it would be best for me to leave Germany forever so that I'd be no longer exposed to hearing that language that tortures me. Of course that's true and it's what I wanted since my childhood, but there's no way to make it happen. And as of late I'd no longer want to leave, because of my nutrias. And where would I go anyway.
The ride back into Belfast was quite enjoyable, at least to me it seemed so. The outward ride had been a regular bus, but the one going back was a double decker, and we sat upstairs right at the front window, looking down from high above at the winding road through the scenic hills back down to Belfast.
I'm usually the first person to get upset over noisy crowds, but I didn't mind much that we were sharing the bus with lots of noisy party people headed to town, since it was a Saturday night. For once, Amanda was much more annoyed by them than I was, and I didn't realize then how unwell she was. But later that night I would still accompany her to the ER.
The waiting area at the hospital was packed with people that night, and we had to wait for many, many hours. We had arrived around 11 PM, and I think it must have been between 4 and 5 AM when I could no longer hold myself upright, and ended up half-sleeping on the floor and on my backpack, under the bench of the waiting area. It was about 9:30 AM when Amanda woke me up to ride home.
So we both were very tired the next day, Sunday, but at least it was the only warm and summerlike day, and I went to the park near her house to exercise a bit, eat some stuff bought from the supermarket, and just hang out in the sunshine.
When I returned to her house, Amanda told me while she had been relaxing in the backyard she had received a psychic message from my Master and written a letter on his behalf. She was hesitant to even give it to me. My Master is dissatisfied with the way things are going with me. He told me that he wants me to wake up - I have no idea how - and to step out of my comfort zone and into my power as a true warrior of Satan, to stop daydreaming in my room and to take action. I don't have the foggiest clue what he wants me to do though, and this greatly troubles me.
Part of it sounded very unlike him, and I'm wondering to what extent it may have been colored by Amanda's own ideas. He mentioned that he'd want me to be out there "speaking, creating chaos, protesting."
Creating chaos, that's something a Satanic brother of mine often talks about, who is very close to my heart. But speaking and protesting, about or against what?? It's something Amanda does a lot, animal rights activism and such. But I can't think of any causes of any relevance to a Satanist, let alone a being as far above and beyond human affairs as my Master is. Back in the days of his and my past lives, in the 17th century, matters were much different, of course. But nowadays there's freedom of religion. Obviously I'm openly "Satan's warrior", as in the very title of this blog, I never made a secret of being a Satanist. I'll freely tell anyone who asks about my religion. I'll tell the police I'm a Satanist. Because I have the right to be a Satanist. My brother has the name of Satan tattooed on his face. Nothing to hide there, and thus nothing to protest; we're no longer persecuted. We already own this right.
I'm very confused by my Master's message, and very depressed. I always meant it when I said I'll do anything for him. If only I had the vaguest idea of what he wants me to do.
Monday, July 22, 2019
Babies & Bumpy
The babies try to take apart my backpack, and Bumpy does not bite me - not today, for a change. What caused Sleepy-Eyes (the white one) and the other baby to run away so suddenly, I got no clue. I have extremely sensitive hearing, but the animal senses are still superior I guess.
Bumpy was surprisingly peaceful today - the big, dark one. He's my abusive boyfriend who keeps biting me... but also allows me some hugs. I anticipated trouble when the babies got so close to him as he will often react aggressively even to the babies, and usually it will be me who gets bitten in the process. But not today. Oh, but he peed on me again. LOL
Sleepy-Eyes looks so much like her mom, Whitey, who died in the beginning of this month. It's of great comfort to me that she had these babies before she died, and two are of the same almost white color. There's a third baby of similar light color who is smaller and younger, it makes me wonder whose babies these are. As can be seen in the video, Sleepy-Eyes and a few others are obviously older than those really tiny babies, and I think therefore they can't be of the same birth. Also their colors range from almost white to black. But regardless, I love them all, of course! Some of the tiny ones are still shy, but they all start coming to me,while the older babies are getting quite bold already.
Bumpy was surprisingly peaceful today - the big, dark one. He's my abusive boyfriend who keeps biting me... but also allows me some hugs. I anticipated trouble when the babies got so close to him as he will often react aggressively even to the babies, and usually it will be me who gets bitten in the process. But not today. Oh, but he peed on me again. LOL
Sleepy-Eyes looks so much like her mom, Whitey, who died in the beginning of this month. It's of great comfort to me that she had these babies before she died, and two are of the same almost white color. There's a third baby of similar light color who is smaller and younger, it makes me wonder whose babies these are. As can be seen in the video, Sleepy-Eyes and a few others are obviously older than those really tiny babies, and I think therefore they can't be of the same birth. Also their colors range from almost white to black. But regardless, I love them all, of course! Some of the tiny ones are still shy, but they all start coming to me,while the older babies are getting quite bold already.
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| Adorable tiny baby. |
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Returning to my Brown Jenkin babies
Having just returned back home from a visit to Ireland, first thing to do was to check on my babies again.
I had to be up early to walk back from my friend's home into town and get on the bus for the 2-hour ride from Belfast to Dublin Airport, then fly back to Cologne. I didn't get much sleep the previous two nights and so I was tired and not particularly keen to ride the 7 miles and back to the park, but the longing to see my little darlings was stronger, and so I got on my bike anyway,hoping they would still remember me after 6 days of absence. I may post more about my trip later...
And the next day I got back again to see them too. Elsewhere in the park there was some event yesterday, that background music ain't mine. Two of the babies were fighting, and then Bumpy and Big Daddy were facing off once more too. With the babies it's just play, but Bumpy and Big Daddy are rivals, and I'm worried they might hurt each other. At least it wasn't as bad as the last time, when they would actually jump at each other.
Bumpy (the black one) is a bit of an outsider and can be very aggressive. He bit me again, but then he was all sweet and allowed me to give him a hug.
I had to be up early to walk back from my friend's home into town and get on the bus for the 2-hour ride from Belfast to Dublin Airport, then fly back to Cologne. I didn't get much sleep the previous two nights and so I was tired and not particularly keen to ride the 7 miles and back to the park, but the longing to see my little darlings was stronger, and so I got on my bike anyway,hoping they would still remember me after 6 days of absence. I may post more about my trip later...
And the next day I got back again to see them too. Elsewhere in the park there was some event yesterday, that background music ain't mine. Two of the babies were fighting, and then Bumpy and Big Daddy were facing off once more too. With the babies it's just play, but Bumpy and Big Daddy are rivals, and I'm worried they might hurt each other. At least it wasn't as bad as the last time, when they would actually jump at each other.
Bumpy (the black one) is a bit of an outsider and can be very aggressive. He bit me again, but then he was all sweet and allowed me to give him a hug.
Monday, July 8, 2019
In loving memory of Whitey - R.I.P., my darling
Heartbroken. Monday, July 1st, was the last time I saw my Whitey. When I came to the park on Independence Day, and the day after, Whitey remained absent. And today I had to learn that Whitey has passed away. I also learned that Whitey was the mommy, and not the daddy as I thought, of the babies who have that same light coloration. I've seen three of them, among some other, brown and black babies.
This is a compilation of some precious moments with Whitey, ending with her legacy, one of her adorable babies.
I should have known... Whitey would always come to find me. On Monday she had already returned to the little island in the artificial lake where they have their home, about 10 yards across the water. I then found another apple in my backpack that I had overlooked, and I held it up and called, "Whitey, I found another apple!"
And immediately she came swimming back over - Whitey understood. While she was sitting by the edge of the pond,eating the apple, I touched my face to her back, even though her fur was all wet, having just climbed out of the pond, and I gave her a little kiss and told her, "I love you, Whitey."
Just because I felt like it. I had no idea it was the last time. She then plopped back into the pond and just swam around a bit, looking quite happy in doing so.
So far, only one of her babies will come close to me, along with one black and two brown ones. The one of Whitey's is the one seen in the end of the video. When I was sitting by the pond crying this evening, Sleepy-Eyes, as I call this baby, came to me and climbed on my knee for a moment, as if to comfort me. And it's great comfort indeed that the babies are there.
I met an older couple there, who told me about Whitey. They said they're coming frequently to feed them too, along with a kind lady who even comes every day. They had called Whitey by the name Bianca.
They brought them a lot of food, but they always scatter it on the lawn. I'm probably the only person who will sit on the lawn and hand-feed them, as everyone else is scared of their bites. I came away with another little bleeding scratch that I hadn't even noticed when it happened. It's worth it to me, I always loved it when Whitey would sometimes sit on my legs. Now sometimes the babies will.
This is a compilation of some precious moments with Whitey, ending with her legacy, one of her adorable babies.
I should have known... Whitey would always come to find me. On Monday she had already returned to the little island in the artificial lake where they have their home, about 10 yards across the water. I then found another apple in my backpack that I had overlooked, and I held it up and called, "Whitey, I found another apple!"
And immediately she came swimming back over - Whitey understood. While she was sitting by the edge of the pond,eating the apple, I touched my face to her back, even though her fur was all wet, having just climbed out of the pond, and I gave her a little kiss and told her, "I love you, Whitey."
Just because I felt like it. I had no idea it was the last time. She then plopped back into the pond and just swam around a bit, looking quite happy in doing so.
So far, only one of her babies will come close to me, along with one black and two brown ones. The one of Whitey's is the one seen in the end of the video. When I was sitting by the pond crying this evening, Sleepy-Eyes, as I call this baby, came to me and climbed on my knee for a moment, as if to comfort me. And it's great comfort indeed that the babies are there.
I met an older couple there, who told me about Whitey. They said they're coming frequently to feed them too, along with a kind lady who even comes every day. They had called Whitey by the name Bianca.
They brought them a lot of food, but they always scatter it on the lawn. I'm probably the only person who will sit on the lawn and hand-feed them, as everyone else is scared of their bites. I came away with another little bleeding scratch that I hadn't even noticed when it happened. It's worth it to me, I always loved it when Whitey would sometimes sit on my legs. Now sometimes the babies will.
Friday, July 5, 2019
Brown Jenkins: Babies getting bolder
Guess who I celebrated the 4th of July with!
The big, dark guy sitting right by my knee in the start is Bumpy. I named him so for the little bump in his tail. He's a rough guy who can be very aggressive, more than once have I been bleeding from his bite. But I've also touched my face to his soft fur when he's placid.
There were a number of babies around again, not all of them dare to come close to me yet, but more and more of them do. Only one of the two white ones, the smaller one, one brown one, and since today, the bigger one of the black babies, who in the end even tugs on my sandal. I can see them growing up before my eyes... The tiniest black one is a new baby, he didn't dare come close to me yet, but as can be seen toward the end, he takes no shit from his bigger sibling. Sleepy-eyes Baby Whitey was this tiny when I first saw him, and was very shy then. Now he (or she?) comes to me, but is already a good bit bigger. Sadly I learned they live only 6 years. I didn't see big Whitey today, which always has me worried. I held back two apples for him but ended up taking them back home, after riding around the lake, unsuccessfully looking for Whitey. I hope I'll see him again soon.
The big, dark guy sitting right by my knee in the start is Bumpy. I named him so for the little bump in his tail. He's a rough guy who can be very aggressive, more than once have I been bleeding from his bite. But I've also touched my face to his soft fur when he's placid.
There were a number of babies around again, not all of them dare to come close to me yet, but more and more of them do. Only one of the two white ones, the smaller one, one brown one, and since today, the bigger one of the black babies, who in the end even tugs on my sandal. I can see them growing up before my eyes... The tiniest black one is a new baby, he didn't dare come close to me yet, but as can be seen toward the end, he takes no shit from his bigger sibling. Sleepy-eyes Baby Whitey was this tiny when I first saw him, and was very shy then. Now he (or she?) comes to me, but is already a good bit bigger. Sadly I learned they live only 6 years. I didn't see big Whitey today, which always has me worried. I held back two apples for him but ended up taking them back home, after riding around the lake, unsuccessfully looking for Whitey. I hope I'll see him again soon.
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