Not the Great Cataclysm (yet)

My final words for 2018 in this place.
May the Infernal Father bless the year to come. Hail Satan!!!

Oh Shitmas Tree

Yeah, I hate this shit. But I'm singing you a song anyway. Have fun.

Update: New extended version is here (audio only). I added cluster bombs and mustard gas. LOL

Warning: Sweaty!

Business as usual at the gym. A fellow athlete was so kind to take a little video of me today and to send it to me, after I took one of her as she was beating up the punching bag.
So here's a little glimpse at what I usually do.

Black-hearted Jaguar

Talking about my progress (or mostly lack thereof) working with my dreams and getting rid of nightmares. What happened so far...

As promised, and although I'm usually a bit drunk on weekend nights (and when doing videos, so I can blame my speech defect on it...), I'm not forgetting it, here's a link to the video from the channel "New Thinking Allowed" I mentioned above in my own video:

All the bygone sorrows

Witnessing tragedy. I have to come clean... this war machine can get quite affected by such things when they hit close to home, affecting someone I consider my closest kin, although I found them all just within the past year, in various corners of the world.
12-8-2018...

I felt like saying that prayer once more. To my beautiful Master.<3 br=""><3 p="">

Dreams, mostly troubled

When noting much is happening on the outside due to the cold and dead season, you have to look more on the inside. (You always should, anyway.)

Here's a picture I found that's somewhat similar to the deformed animal in my dream, although just the face.

And that f'ing speech defect also still needs lots of work, Diane. Every f'ing time I think, fortunately that got so much better by now... until I hear myself on video once more and I still sound like a complete retard, like the poor kid who was left-handed but forced to use their right hand because her parents were the ones who were actually retarded and she developed a stutter because of it. Except that I was never left-handed and it was different ways they f***ed up my brain.

Echoes

Feeling a bit depressed these days. I came home with hypothermia on Saturday, after just spending a little while at Old Customs Point, where it was fairly crowded and all the other people not even wearing gloves! But due to my Raynaud's syndrome, 50 F for me is as 30 F is for most other people, I guess. I didn't even sit down on the freezing cold wall the way I used to do on warmer days, when the stone was warm. It's hard for me as an outdoor person to be unable to simply hang out somewhere, for a long time again now.

There also seems to be a little echo from a year ago, when I had just entered a very dark time, and not due to the season then. I'm glad to be no longer alone, but also sad that one of my dearest friends, who I'm forever indebted to for enabling communication to my Master, suffers from horrible, chronic illness. There are other problems too, and being spiritually blind and deaf as I am, all I can do is pray and ask for help, never knowing if I'll be heard.

There are still my bad dreams, which are part of the problem. I wish so much I could at least be with my Master in my dreams, if not in waking life, but even this I'm being denied. The dreams are mostly no longer as awful as they used to be, but rarely pleasant. At least the most unwelcome intrusion of former "family" characters seems to be getting less frequent.
Recently, there were children unknown to me who addressed me in German language, which I loathe, and I tried to ignore them or get across that I speak English only. They weren't hostile but just very inquisitive, and their language bothered me because it reminds me of my past, that awful family I had to grow up with, the abhorred school full of bullies I had to attend, and then the psychiatry I got incarcerated in for refusing to do the latter any longer.

Going home would be nice. But home for me is not in this world, it will always be with him, and he's not in this world. Hasn't been for three hundred years.

Back in spring when doing the bonding ritual, I hoped so much I would in time find my way to communicate with him. But still I basically don't even know how to get started.
Of course I talk to him, all the time, but there usually is very little, if anything, I'm able to receive in terms of response. I wish I knew what I'm supposed to do, I wish he could tell me. I feel useless.

Yet with the cold season costing much extra energy, I got very little left anyway besides my obligatory workouts, and being constantly tired. Work out, eat, sleep. That's all. The pointless existence we're condemned to in the creation of the cursed demiurge.

I hope nonetheless that my Halloween will be much better than last year's, which was agonizing.

Precisely a year ago, on a train

I precisely remember October 17th, which was a Tuesday last year, when I was traveling home from Amsterdam and met you on the train. A train I shouldn't even have been on hadn't my connections gotten all mixed up.
This is a letter to you.

I will always remember what day it was; I know you won't, and you'll probably never read this, but I'm writing it for you anyway. You probably never even read the letters I tried to send you, if you have even received them, and I stopped trying.
But I never stopped caring for you and never will.

You've had a so essential role in my life and this couldn't ever change or be disregarded, even if it's just because he made you do it... if my Master did.
I can't help wondering if you know about him, the real person behind the character.
Back when I met you last year and not a single word was exchanged between us I couldn't really have told you anything much that might have made sense. There's the possibility that you knew more than I did then, or possibly even more than I know now - I'm aware that no t everyone is as spiritually blind and deaf as, sadly, I am.
But probably you don't, or at least you don't want to know.

You didn't even want me looking at you then, and your reaction wasn't one to be expected from one of those blinkered materialists. It seemed more like that of a person wary of the evil stare of a witch, and if you were ever aware of that witch being with me then you would have indeed known so much more than I did back then. At least I was never sure he really was with me.
Needless to say I never meant you any harm, and nor did he. I care for you and he knows.

He helped me find someone who could talk to him for me.
Much has changed for me since our encounter on the train a year ago, and our encounter was a catalyst to set these changes in motion, even though at the time it was extremely painful for me. I would take it back with me to my empty home and struggle with it all alone, in my isolated existence. And it seemed to be meant that no one much talked to me anymore then, even on Facebook, which is much the only place anyone ever used to talk to me anyway.

My pain made me write the story I did, and its writing constituted a long ritual that would eventually show its effect, and finally I got redeemed from my utter loneliness and connected to the two people who would become closest to my heart - besides my beloved Master - and both of them have seen or talked to him.

Only one of them is a Satanist. The other one seemed a bit wary of my motivations in the start, seeing as I'm a Satanist, just as you probably were - because this one thing I'm quite sure you knew about me back then: that I'm a Satanist. But it doesn't mean what it's often made up to mean.

I've always felt trapped in this created world, and my highest value as a Satanist is freedom - freedom above all, and that includes most of all freedom from the demiurge, the tyrant god, and from the horrific cycle of reincarnation into his creation.

What it doesn't mean is that I'd ever wish harm on anyone who didn't harm me first, let alone on anyone dear to me as you will always be. I hold honor and loyalty in highest regard.
I'll always belong to my Master, in this world as in the hereafter, as in all eternity.

I'm so glad that my friend, who is also a witch although not a Satanist, helped me do a bonding ritual to my Master, as it was his wish and certainly mine as well, which mean
s far more than a human marriage as it goes beyond this so very temporary life and can't ever be undone. My friend only told me this moments before we were going to do it, and yet I didn't hesitate for an instant. I had wanted this for so long, I had searched for him all my life...
...and I might never have known him without you.
And this is why I care so much for you, not for the resemblance you bear to him (although he's not as tall and very slender-boned), but because of this strange connection, because through you he found his way back to me. And I'm saying "back" to me because I learned now that he and I had a past life together.

I still don't know precisely how I ended up in this current life and in a to me foreign country. The few slender ties I have to anyone in this world - slender because still so new, so late in my life after I've always seen everything else invariably breaking apart - they're so very precious to me, and I wish so much I could help my friends, I wish so much I could heal them as they are in need of healing.

And even though you never talked to me I want you to know this one thing: Should you ever need my help, in this world or the next, count on me!
Honor & loyalty, forever.

Black heart.

When the sky fell down on me

I've been working out legs again today, just as I did last year on the same day. I remember the 10th of October vividly, for it was the day my world fell to pieces. I didn't yet know it when working out that day. I know there's an entry here about my little accident when doing squats, all off a sudden I lost my balance or power or both and fell forward with the barbell crashing down onto the safety bars of the rack, and me hanging underneath. I was perfectly fine, and I praised the Infernal Father for it, for keeping me safe from harm. I would have some very important event coming up in just about 10 days from then.

This would never take place.
As suddenly as I had unexplicably lost control of my barbell then, it was gone. And I then knew I would never meet that one person who most likely wouldn't have been able to help me in any way at all in my quest. I didn't see this then. I knew of no one else who could possibly help, I wasn't even sure what exactly the quest was. All I thought I knew was that I had been meant to meet with this person, and that the meeting itself might have been what would bring about an all-important change.

Precisely a week later, some sort of meeting would still take place, completely unplanned and unexpected then - at least unplanned by myself and that other person involved.
And change would indeed come, but only after long ordeal.

And by now, a year on, I have so much better understanding of what happened back then.
And everything would be fine now, knowing that my beloved Master was indeed behind it all along, if only I were able to communicate with him. This could and should have been resolved so many years ago if only it weren't that I have no psychic ability whatsoever. I'm spiritually blind and deaf, trapped in this material world. This is what my plight is.

I'm glad to be no longer alone with it though. What eventually came of it is that I found the very best friends I've ever had in my life, and both of them know about my Master and have even communicated with him. And this is how I know so much more finally. If anything can be done about my own blindness and deafness to spirit communication remains an open question. I wish I knew what I could do about it.

Another visit to Belfast

I got myself on an airplane to Ireland again for another visit to my dear friend Amanda, before fall is starting in earnest and it will be too cold to do much anything. I feel pretty much at home there already, much as I do in Amsterdam, and I hope there will be more visits in the future.
I'm so grateful for this, I always wished to have friends like this who care enough to actually want to see me in person, who understand the way I am and my love to my Master.
On Saturday night we even watched the Movie together - the Movie, the one that is sacred.

Into the sky again!

Making myself at home.

Waterworks Park

Waterworks Park, looking back at the city.

On the final day I went to town on my own while Amanda was attending a class. I managed to finally get hold of a city map, it was even free.

Burnt-out ruin of Primark building.

I stumbled upon the burnt-out Primark department store, it had been on fire only a couple days after my previous visit back in August, Amanda had posted about it on Facebook. The area around it is fenced off now and can't be accessed, as seen in the photo, while they're working on restoring the building.

At another store I bought myself a much loved souvenir. When I first saw it I said to my Master, "Look, a black heart, just like yours and mine!"
And he seems to agree with it. I don't know what he did, but it feels like he has touched it somehow. I feel a connection to him in it. I love my enchanted black heart. My black heart belongs to my Master.

I'm so grateful for everything. May the Infernal Father watch over my friends whom I love so dearly.

The one who owns my black heart!

Goodbye Moby Dick

Thursday was probably the last warm day for a long, long time now.
I rode to Old Customs Point once more to just hang out there in the sunshine for a bit, overlooking the Rhine river, dreaming of my lovely Master and trying to connect to him. Other young couples were sitting on the wall too, which is actually quite precipitous, dropping down to the road.
I'm actually not happy right now although things are not bad in my own life these days, but I'm deeply worried for a dear friend who is in trouble. But I keep praying that our Infernal Father will look after His own, and I hope the omens are good.

Just as I was about to leave I saw something coming along the river. Is that what I think it is?!

For a long time I meant to photograph this funny shark boat, but I never saw it when I had my camera with me - until this day, that is!

It's named "Moby Dick", but I think it clearly looks much more like a shark than a whale, having a vertical caudal fin like a fish, and not a horizontal fluke like a marine mammal. Like myself (partially), it has two different colored eyes: it's left eye is red and its right eye green.

"Moby Dick" then turned...

...and anchored briefly to drop the passengers off.

Moby Dick then left again, and so did I.

It may have been the last time I've seen the boat for this year, so goodbye for now, Moby Dick.

The tourist boats on the Rhine ain't operating during winter, I don't know where they're going during that time. Hibernating somewhere, I guess.
Just like myself, for the most part. On milder days I may ride to the Rhine river sometimes as it's not that far - just about 4 miles or so from home. But no longer trips during the cold season. With my Raynaud's syndrome there's nothing much I could do to shield myself from cold temperatures, I just can't handle them.
I keep going running outdoors though as long as it's no less than mid 30s.

I have to grow out my undercut again for the winter too. I started doing so and bleaching it now instead of dyeing it black, to put in Directions dyes. Sadly they don't last long, especially with my very sweaty workouts. But so I can switch up the colors, which is fun. I started out with purple, blue, and green.
Second round already, I switched the blue for amber.

Think I look like a parrot?
I like parrots. :D

Do you think that weevil is evil?

Back from Amsterdam once more!
And once more, the weather wasn't too bad for April. LOL

Again we arrived with about an hour's delay, both ways. But no weird encounters on any of the trains - except for a weevil, but more about that later. LOL

Surprisingly, I could even remember some of my dreams I had in the night - usually when traveling I'm too excited & distracted, which is my problem to begin with. Some progress?
Anyway, in the dream I was in some community home with the people at the dorm (all female) but also some others, and there was a guy who wanted to talk to me about something - turned out he was "interested". I reacted in a very hostile way, which is common - I'm usually friendly and easy to talk to but I quickly turn very hostile upon male sexual suggestions - and I told the guy that I belong to someone. Word got around about my Master, and everyone was then very creeped-out by my spirit companion, which, knowing my Master, he wouldn't mind in the least.


The next day I got myself a bike again.
Having taken the ferry across the IJ, we saw some cool ships passing by, but...

...you guys don't mean to seriously sail THIS to Antarctica,
do you?? Good luck...

Then first from afar I saw these crazy huge fountains rising from the water, wondering what that might be. I was on a rental MacBike again, and we set out to explore and found it was the fire fighting boat below.

Fire fighting boat putting on a display!

Oudeschans with Montelbaanstoren.

Passing through the tunnel underneath the Rijksmuseum toward the Museumplein, the following view appeared before us.

A giant astronaut, weightlessly suspended
above an equally gigantic chair.

Frontal view with Rijksmuseum behind.

I found two apples on the pavement & stopped to pick them up, they were perfectly fine. The rest of my diet consisted in large part of granola bars from Albert Heijn's, also a few bread rolls, bananas, an orange, some pasta salad.
At night I stayed out in the park as long as I could take it, until it got too cold. Then I went back to the hostel, found myself some quiet reading corner where I wrote in my journal and talked to my Master. I told him it was good being back here and everything being basically well, unlike last year. I told him, thank you for being my Master. And for how things have turned out by now...
Even though there's still a lot of work to be done.

On the final day I got to talk to a girl at some psychedelic store who was very nice. She suggested researching about "micro-dosing" (of psilocybin) as a treatment for depression. And although I do have depression I'm not overly interested in this. Why wouldn't I be?
Because I know the cause of my depression, I know the one and only way of happiness for me. I feel lonely without him - fortunately I know now that I'm not really without him at all - and the only thing I'm really interested in is finding ways to connect to my Master.
There's bound to be progress...
I just hope he's not annoyed with my shenanigans all the time.
But I did try meditating a bit. And when I ask him for advice I'll usually get some in subtle ways. We've come a long way already since last year when I didn't even know his name yet.

Satan's warrior at the flowermarket.

Someone crumpled up this poor VW Beetle
into a ball!

Looking back at my Amsterdam, about to
enter the railroad station hall.

Up in the corner of the train window I discovered this weevil.
I asked my Master, "Do you think the weevil is evil?" LOL

About my Master - no, NOT about Satan but about my Master - PLEASE read!

First of all, there seems to be urgent need to clarify the identity of my Master.
It should be clear as day to anyone who followed my writings to any extent at all, or read at least one of my stories - yet still there are people who mistakenly think I'm speaking of Satan when I say "my Master."
For one, why would I do that? Why wouldn't I say "Satan" when speaking of Satan?! Yes, occasionally I say "the (my/our) Infernal Father". But I have never ever referred to Him as "my Master" - for one because I feel a master usually refers to a human person (e.g. a martial arts master, a master of magick or of any other art or science) and not to a god, and also because to me the term has been for so long firmly associated with this one specific person who is my spirit companion.
Yes, I do know him as the son of Satan - not Satan Himself, but His son.

So in case this really needs repeating, after having written about him for all these years (and years...).
If this should have been still unclear, please refer to this movie.

And no, I'm absolutely not talking about the actor either - it's neither about the actor nor about Satan Himself, but the person portrayed in the movie. Yes, unbeknownst to anyone involved in the making of the movie at the time*, this character is based on a real person who did live in the 17th century, and who was in fact a witch and a Satanist.
(*Someone might have caught on to it in the meantime, who knows.)

I lived at that same time too, although I have no memory of it. I learned about it only recently through a dear friend who is a medium, and it is through her that I also for the first time, after all these years, learned my Master's name. Yet I've become so accustomed to calling him simply my Master, which I find to be perfectly appropriate, and it also tells volumes about the nature of our relationship. Let's face it, I know nothing much, and sadly I seem to be as untalented as can be when it comes to magick and psychic abilities, more often than not I can't even recall my dreams.

The storyline of the movie is obviously fictional - no time travel or anything.
And is my Master really the son of Satan? I think he is, even if for the most part in a symbolic way, and any other way wouldn't really be conceivable since Satan is a deity and, unlike humans and other animals, not some biological organism.

It's totally beyond me how anyone could have missed it that my feelings for my Master, so often laid open in my stories and writings here as well as in posts of Facebook, would be utterly inappropriate and even blasphemous to hold for a deity. And in fact even having them for my Master, who is (or was) a human being, I felt guilty for years because I wasn't sure if he might feel offended by them, by my fantasizing about him as displayed in the stories I wrote about him and me.

I couldn't help thinking how much it would disgust me if someone else - anyone else but him, the one I belong to - had such feelings or fantasies about myself. Admittedly, certainly much more so than it would most people, since I happen to be asexual, obviously a virgin, and very much repulsed by the idea of sexuality - the latter which was never explicitly involved in my fantasies until rather recently - until I had him rape me in the latest one of my stories, the one I wrote very shortly before getting to know my psychic friend who would then talk to my Master for me and find out his identity for me, and also his feelings for me. Thus it turns out those fantasies (and the stories?) were never of my making alone.

And while I'm very happy about these latest developments, especially the bonding ritual between my Master and me which we performed with the help and instruction of my friend from Ireland, I must admit that after my initial joy about it I now still often feel depressed again about my lack of psychic ability and therefore lack of progress in communicating with my Master on my own.
Despite this I talk to him every day, all the time - and most of the time I have no one else to talk to anyway. My Master is all and everything to me, he is all that matters, and my only reason to carry on with my life.

By the way, I remember how a few entries back, talking about the appropriateness-or-not of my feelings for him, I was musing whether or not someone else might have similar feelings for the son of God. I didn't consider this an important question and never pursued it, yet still it has been unexpectedly answered in the meantime. I got invited to join a group for people in a spiritual relationship - that is, a relationship to a person in the Beyond - and in this group there's this girl who is in fact in a relationship with Jesus. And unlike myself she doesn't appear to be troubled with doubts about the appropriateness-or-not of her feelings to "the Savior of mankind" (her words), and she even admitted that, also unlike myself, she "likes sex".
When I talked about this to my best friend who also is a Satanist, my friend suggested that this lady's partner might be only one of those guys who are convinced they are Jesus Christ, and admittedly there are plenty of those.
Personally I don't believe one way or the other, as this is something I simply can't know, and I believe you shouldn't "make up your mind" about things you can't really know, especially if they don't really concern you. People do that too much. I understand the craving for certainty, and the agony in the lack thereof - but the latter is really only in those things that you know you'll have to face for yourself, such as the transition from this life to the world beyond and into eternity.
But you should not concern yourself too much with other people's truth. We each have our path. This other girl is the companion of the son of God, and I'm the companion of the son of Satan. Yet she and I are not enemies, we agree to just have very different paths, and I think that's mutual. She talked about her relationship and views in a video and repeatedly referred to me as "the Satanist", and then even apologized for doing so instead of using my name. But I'm perfectly cool with that, because yes, I am a Satanist. But it doesn't mean I hate everyone whose path is different, because... just listen to one minute of this. I came across it by chance the other day. At about minute 1:01:30, this guy states it exactly as it is: We don't know what life is, we don't know what consciousness is, what "reality" is... we don't know what this is that we're in!

Personally, I only had to make up my mind about one thing, and this I've done so long ago. I didn't hesitate for a split second when my friend told me the bonding ritual with my Master would be irrevocable, even though she told me this only moments before we were to perform it. Because all my life I've been searching for him and longing for him, and I know that I want to be his own forever - not for this ephemeral life only but truly forever. Because there are no words for how infinitely I love my Master.

You got no idea where I've been!

Where have I been, then?

Still at the Rhine river - but from up in the air...

Familiar old Rhine river.

But no, I still couldn't get that flying potion going, so it seems I had to use an airplane instead.

Glad I had made sure to get a window seat!

About to touch down somewhere...

Flying on an airplane was very exciting and fun, especially the takeoff was amazingly exhilarating! And then I stayed glued to the window the whole time.
But it hadn't been without a little fuck-uppy, during checkup of the plane they found a problem with the braking system and had to fix that first, so the plane kept sitting on the tarmac for another while, and after fixing the problem they had to wait for another opening for takeoff, so in the end the flight arrived two hours delayed - at which time I was supposed to already arrive, after another two-hour bus trip from Dublin Airport, in Belfast, where my friend whom I was visiting was to pick me up.
I couldn't find a pay phone, but I found a very friendly gentleman at an info desk who, after being unable to reach my friend by phone (we later found the reason to be that the number was incomplete, since Belfast is in Northern Ireland while Dublin is in the south, officially a different country), let me use his mobile phone to message Amanda on Facebook and tell her I'd make my way on my own - which I would manage without trouble as I had looked it up on the internet the night before and written out some directions. Messaging her on the mobile phone was a lot more difficult since I had never used one before!

I then made it there without further incident, although I must admit I wouldn't have expected it to be this extremely difficult - next to impossible, really - to find a pay phone or to obtain a city map! The only map I was later able to get hold of was a photocopied sheet from the bus company, given for free but so inaccurate it was hardly any use.

I then had a really great time with my friend and her little son. (Although admittedly a not so great time with her two ill-mannered dogs. LOL)

But the next day we got attacked by dinosaurs!

Attacked by dinosaurs!!

A little boy on the right got killed by dinosaurs!

My friend's son (left) is courageously facing them down.

Amanda and me in center, me taking pics.

The vicious T-rex was charging at us!

I then found some shark teeth, even appropriately labeled
in English. Must have had to do with the fact
that this was in Ireland, they don't do that
German language bullshit there.

Titanic museum in Belfast - we didn't go inside.

As planned, we went to the Belfast Gay Pride parade on Saturday to represent Asexual Pride.
Unfortunately it got a bit hectic as we were running late, and I forgot my earplugs over it. It was so noisy and crowded at the parade that I balked like a startled horse and had to literally run away. And once I start running there ain't no stopping me... so sorry about that one!

Amanda and me on parade day. She got
dressed up, while I'm just my usual self.

Aside from my running away that day, we did have an awesome time.
We did a ritual together too - no, of course no photos of that one!

Then on Sunday I was leaving, and there was another fuck-uppy. I had the timetable for the wrong bus company, for Goldline Express instead of Aircoach, and my return ticket was only valid for the latter which would go nearly an hour later. I hadn't realized this error since I obtained the timetable on that chaotic parade day when I was in a somewhat fucked-up state of mind. But after explaining my problem and inquiring about prices for another ticket, the lady at the office of Goldline Express invited me to hop on board their bus, which was just about to leave at 8:45 - for free! Thank you so much!!!

On the bus back from Belfast to Dublin airport.

Airport selfie. Look, someone's feet are in the bottom
left corner. LOL

Selfie at Dublin Airport.

Back at Cologne-Bonn Airport!

The one thing that hadn't been so great in Ireland was the weather. It wasn't overly awful, it was really ok for April. Except that it was August and not April... fortunately I had been prepared for it and brought several layers of clothes.
Arriving back at Cologne-Bonn Airport and disembarking the plane, it was HOT and I liked it! I was back in summer, it was near 90 F, I could take off my jacket and wear only the tank top.

But all in all it's been an amazing adventure, of course! I'm very grateful above all to my friend who was a wonderful host - but also to all the strangers who helped me out on the way:
The awesome guy at the info desk at Dublin Airport who let me use his mobile to contact my friend.
The elderly couple at a newspaper store in downtown Belfast on parade day who, seeing I was distraught by the noisy crowds, gave me directions to avoid the party zone.
And the lady at the office of Goldline Express bus company who made sure I'd arrive back at Dublin Airport in time, at no further cost!
Some really awesome people there in Ireland. :)
Most of all, of course, THANK YOU again Amanda for inviting me!

Diane jumps the shark

First I'm demonstrating a box jump.
And then I'm gonna really jump the shark.

In fact, since that's not braggadocious enough, I'm gonna jump two at a time!

Diane meets two Christians

A chance encounter downtown that led to a conversation I consider meaningful.

My eyes are terrifying

...and I don't know why. Relating to a dream... at least mostly.
I'm also explaining in the video that the goal of Satanists is by no means to "piss off Christians", as some of the latter seem to belief. If you're a Christian, or a Jew or a Muslim, I don't hate you for it and I'm not at war with you - it's your God I'm at war with, not you. At least no longer, because nowadays there's no need. Back in my Master's time, in my past life, it was very different.
But nowadays I could stand at the town square and shout aloud that I worship Satan, and I could start preaching to the crowd if I so chose. They might say, "That kid is totally nuts, look at her, she lost her marbles!" But they couldn't drag me away to burn me at the stake for it, and for this I'm grateful. I don't pick fights. I wage war only where my own freedom is at stake or infringed upon.

Diane is drunk & rambling

Talking about... all I can really think about, my beautiful Master.
Right, here's the one thing I still failed to mention: There's been confusion various times when people thought, especially fellow Satanists, that I was talking about Satan when I said "my Master".
I wouldn't do that, especially since I do have other Satanists in my friends list - if at all, it should be "our" Master then, right?
No, to me My Master is the one I came to know as Satan's son, and who once was a mortal man, albeit a mighty witch, who lived on Earth in the late 17th century - just as in the start of the movie; otherwise the story line in it is of course fictional. But this is my Master, whose companion I am and whom I adore - the person the character is based on. It's a spiritual relationship with its origin in a past life.

So often I wish he could just take me home. Why wait? What to wait for?
Maybe this is the year of the Great Apocalypse. I sure hope so.

Amsterdam: 2) Bright night over Vondelpark

I didn't go on any major trips out of town since the weather was cold most of the time. I stayed at the library until closing time (10 PM) the last evening, thereafter I had to leave the area quickly because of the freezing wind by the open water area, the library building being situated just between the Oosterdok and het IJ/the IJhaven, the vast waters just next to Centraal Station.
Back at the park it felt less cold, and on the way there, riding my MacBike, I still took in the beautiful sights of the city at nightfall.

Is this Sparta or is this cheese?!

View from the 6th floor library window where I sat reading
"Leven tussen geesten".

De Waag (Old Weighhouse).

Bike tires on the bridge reflecting the flash of my cam. :)

Nearly midnight at Vondelpark.
This is how bright the sky still was.

The next day would bring the best weather... but then it was nearly time to go home.
As always, I left with considerably more baggage than I'd arrived with, although most of my souvenirs consisted of food, and also incense sticks, and a candle snuffer I had found at Waterlooplein Markt. I've used it since, and it's a great help, enabling me to extinguish my sacred ritual candles without getting all the wax covering my long nails.

No, this ain't how I traveled back home - too
big to go up the Rhine river, it wouldn't fit
through under the bridges!

Stuff I brought home. Incense sticks, spelt noodles (at a bargain),
deodorant, peanut butter, granola bars, energy drink, orange/ ginger
jam, hemp seeds (you can add them to granola, and no, you can't
get high from it), & the brass object in center that looks like a
pipe is a candle snuffer.

,

This book was for me to buy & keep, unlike
the one at the library.

Cute calling card from Magic Mushroom Gallery.