Alarming dream about a strange animal

I was at my friend Amanda's place, along with other guests there, she seemed to have some open house gathering. There was a second door to her backyard in the dream; both doors were open for the dogs to come and go, but apparently the front door must also have been open. Because all of a sudden, this very weird animal came running in panicked, crossing the room and out the right-hand backdoor into the yard. Describing what it looked like will be really hard. It was the approximate size of a small deer and general semblance of a mammal in the way it moved, and having fur which was patterned in brown and white, like of a cow or a giraffe. But its body shape was absurdly elongated and convoluted and best compared to a type of seahorse. After some searching I found an image of one I had on mind, which is actually called a Leafy Seadragon.

So imagine this shape, but without the leaf-like fins and appendages. And I think it did have some sort of elongated snout, or trunk or proboscis, similar to that seadragon.
The animal was distressed and injured, and someone had tried to kill it.
And I felt the strange certainty of having seen this animal before, in another dream, at which point I got lucid. So I went to Amanda and told her that I somehow recognized this animal, and that we were in a dream.
Neither she nor any of her other guests had shown much of a reaction to the sudden and dramatic appearance of the animal, everyone was just looking on, a bit dumbfounded.
Upon me telling her my observations, she advised me to talk to a friend of hers who was present, who knew all about dreams. So I did, and with this man in the lead, we all then left the house, without debate or anything, everyone just followed him unquestioningly.
Outside, some of the other guests possibly dispersed while Amanda and I followed the man into some underground passages, along with some few other people.
In the underground complex, the man then showed me three leatherbound grimoires, made to look ancient, but on closer inspection they were of very recent date and written by some guy I knew on Facebook. I was given the impression that the situation had dire implications for me, and so as he kept walking, I kept following this man, hoping for help and advice. He did nothing to disperse this feeling and led me away from Amanda, and to some other friends of his who were to be consulted in this matter. Of these people, about 5 of them, I only remember one more clearly, a young man not much older than myself, with short, curly dark hair, with some resemblance to that pastor in the Warlock movie. They debated among themselves how to advise me, uttering very incongruous and contradictory things, and it dawned on me that it was actually this guy and his friends here who were posing the greatest danger to me and were actually trying to trap me somehow!
I then fled somehow back to the outside, couldn't find Amanda back, and kept walking around lost in what seemed to be the streets of Amsterdam now. There was also some flooding in the streets, and some impossibly steep and narrow bridge to traverse on my bike, or bridge-like structure, only some 3' wide with no handrails.

-- In hindsight, while I've dreamed about strange animals before, I can't remember to really have seen this particular one in another dream before, unless it appeared in different shape then. And while further meaning and implications are unclear, the one thing that was obviously wrong about this dream is that we were misled by Amanda's mysterious "friend" to look for answers in all the wrong places - while the animal was left behind on its own in Amanda's backyard, perhaps to die. It's not like Amanda at all to turn her back on an injured and distressed animal, even one that looks alien and monstrous. Also weird how none of the other people were even curious about this very strange creature. Like the mysterious man was intentionally leading us all away, preventing us from  looking closer at the animal. And who had wounded it and been trying to kill it, anyway?

Winter, depression, and Raynaud's syndrome

I've been quiet here for a long while once more, and by now the season has turned as dark as my torn heart, and winter is here.

Once again another year of trial is nearly done, and my hope remains unfulfilled, still I'm unable to communicate with my Master, and much worse, all I thought to have been granted has been cast in doubt, even the eternal, sacred bond that means everything.

I've been troubled more deeply again ever since receiving that strange, incongruous letter back in July.
A Satanic brother has confirmed my doubts, after I showed it to him, that this letter was not from my Master. And it certainly doesn't sound one bit like him, knowing well the way he talks, although I had great trouble to try and reproduce it when writing my stories. I know he might be using words unfamiliar to me, of a kind of English that is obsolete nowadays. And yes, my Master can be hard and cruel, but he would be it in an entirely different, Satanic way. And if there's something he wants me to do, why would he be vague?
All I'm left with is more questions, and no answers, instead even those answers I thought I had being thrown into doubt. I cannot reach him, and each day I have to carry on all on my own.

Still the best I've ever had in this life, as far as actually physically present in it and in this manifest world, are the little friends and familiars I found this past spring. And now that winter has come I sure won't let them down, no matter that it's hard for me to be out in the cold temperatures. I sure won't let them down when they need me most, as all is turning into a wintry wasteland and food gets scarce for them.

These adorable little creatures are my joy, but even this has to be made very difficult for me, as the city prohibits feeding any animals at the park, and there's been the constant worry that something might happen to them. Yes, I'm speaking of murder, even mass murder, of such sweet and innocent creatures. And of how I was worried sick when lately my most beloved of them all, Bumpy, showed up bleeding from his nostrils.

Bumpy with nosebleed

I was suspecting the worst - rat poison, since I know it causes internal bleeding.

That was about a week before Halloween though, and Bumpy turned out to be continually doing fine. Apart from the blood on his nostrils he always seemed fine, being aggressive as ever and chasing the others. And it turns out that his aggression may have been the cause of the nosebleed. When I checked on him two days later, there was no more blood - until he had a bout of aggression and got into a little scuffle with some others, and when he came back to me after that, anew there was blood on his nostrils, just like in the photo above. After that I haven't observed it again so far. It may or may not have been an infection compounded by his fighting, but fortunately my beautiful King of the Pond seems to be doing fine.

Bumpy

They all are braving the freezing winter remarkably well so far, and certainly considerably better than myself. Having Raynaud's syndrome, which affects peripheral circulation, my hands are the most problematic body parts in the cold weather. Still I try to spend time with my little darlings, and I'm not a person who can bear being indoors all day anyway.
Today I didn't see little Sleepy-Eyes, and I really hope she's doing fine and I'll see her again next time. Born in June, like all the babies of last summer she's not so little anymore and is nearly adult at the age of five months.

Sleepy-Eyes

Fortunately there are a few other people who care for these sweet animals and look after them. Presumably all of those people live closer by the park than I, but I'll keep riding the 12 mile round trip on my bike. And hoping the winter won't get overly extreme - just let the lake stay free of ice for the sake of my furry family, and the roads free of ice for the sake of my riding, so I can get to them.

Alice

Bumpy
"It's better to be feared than loved."
But I love you anyway, Bumpy!

Goldie

Bumpy

The King, crowned in summer

With the Equinox past, the nights are longer than the days now and the summer is definitely gone. It has been an eventful one. For my Master and me it's still as difficult as before with our communication, or lack thereof. I love him above all and everything, the beautiful Son of Satan, and I wish nothing more than to be finally able to consummate our eternal bond, and to spend my life with him. The latter I do, although sadly without ever being able to see or hear him, let alone to feel his touch.

I'd never have thought I could ever fall in love with someone else, but then it happened somehow.
So unexpectedly I encountered these adorable creatures back in spring, and I can no longer imagine my life without them. They're more than friends, they're family to me, and all too soon came the painful loss when Whitey died back in July. The fact that she had babies just before she passed surely helped to recover from it. And then soon, someone else came forward who I developed a very special bond with...

He's the most aggressive of them all. I still remember when we met on the other side of the lake, back when Whitey was still alive. I gave him carrots, but when I reached out my hand to caress his beautiful fur he snapped and bit me. I always recognized him by the little bump in his tail, for which I came to call him Bumpy. He would bite me many more times and still keeps doing so, but no longer on purpose. He's very aggressive to all other nutrias around and will often leap forward and attack them, he doesn't even spare the babies.
But in particular he hated Big Daddy, who was the head of their local group, and Bumpy would keep challenging him for dominance. I witnessed them facing off, arching their backs, menacing with their sharp teeth, and jumping at each other.
But with me, Bumpy grew more gentle and trusting. He allowed me to touch him, eventually even to touch my face to his soft fur sometimes. I knew by then he would allow it, and never attack me anymore.

With my sweet King of the Pond, who is eating a pear.

He keeps lashing out at others of his own kind, and that's the only times I still get bitten by him sometimes, when I'm simply in the way - and nutrias don't have good eyesight. I can tell he's trying not to hurt me, but his temperament remains volatile. And it seems to have earned him the crown.
I noticed that Big Daddy will no longer face off with him. Bumpy still attacks him sometimes, but Big Daddy will usually just squeal and jump away, like the others. Bumpy is king now.

King Bumpy.

The much I love the babies - and I sure don't want Bumpy to hurt any of them - but when Bumpy is absent, I feel a piece of my heart is missing. I'm in love with him. I always worry that he might get hurt himself, by getting into fights or getting in trouble with human assholes. To be clear, there are lots of awesome, friendly people, some of whom come and feed them too, but sadly I've also seen a few assholes around.

I got the idea that, since things between my Master and me are not working out the way we hoped, I've been given these creatures for company now, to finally have some physical affection in my life that I've never had before.
Now before anyone gets silly ideas: I'm asexual. Which means neither straight nor lesbian nor any of that kind - I've never had any and wouldn't ever want any of that! All I ever want is some cuddles, with a beautiful creature - not a human.
If I could I'd want to spend all of my days with them, especially Bumpy. I'd love to have him sleeping by my side, to snuggle up against his soft fur, and to wake up to his long whiskers tickling my face. That much I can't have, but at least I can have something. I also enjoy it very much when the babies climb all over me, and to have their little hands tugging on me. The adults as well. They've sometimes pulled my hair a bit, especially Bumpy. Yes, I bow my head to the King, of course. What a beautiful king he is!

The watchful eye of the King.

A kiss for Bumpy. Foreground: Little Growly,
who may well be Bumpy's son. Even when he
was much smaller he started growling softly.
Not only does he resemble Bumpy with his
color of fur, but also seems to develop a
similar, aggressive temperament.

Mommy Alice (left) with two babies.

Little white Paardebloempje with a sibling.

My sweet Bumpy, always grumpy

As always I had to check on my little family. We had some trouble lately with some homeless dude camping out there. He had been there for a while and I had deemed him harmless, but the other Saturday he suddenly snapped and came throwing a stone at my sweet animals, after which I got into a row with him, trying to make him understand that I'll not allow him to harm any of them, but he kept babbling at me in German, doubtlessly insults, and wouldn't even try to understand. He also kept saying "McFit" again and again - the name of my gym. I couldn't make sense of that bit until I remembered, days later, that I'd seen a homeless guy camping under the entrance of the permanently closed store just around the corner from McFit, where I passed by every time on my way home, so I guess that must have been him - I never really took notice then, and mostly he was cocooned in his sleeping bag then anyway. It sure makes for a weird coincidence though that he first camped by my gym and then next to the lawn where my furry family live, so that it makes me wonder who sent that dude my way. Maybe someone is having a laugh...?

Anyway, he's gone now and hopefully will remain absent. I want to know my little darlings being safe.
Fortunately I now found some people who also care for them,which is good to know, especially with the winter ahead. I'll try to keep visiting my furry kin then, of course,but I might not be able to make it as frequently, since the German winter is brutal on me too.





"Uh-oh..." It may seem at times in this video that I'm not comfortable with him being there, but that's certainly not the case. In fact, the much I love the babies, I was about to leave and go looking for him because my Bumpy was missing. At that very moment he came. I love him so much, it's just that I know he's very aggressive, on some days, like today, more than other days, and I don't want him to bite the babies. Instead, he bit me once more, not for the first time. My sweet Bumpy, always grumpy, but always my sweetheart, my beautiful King of the Pond.

Missing: Little Black Fluffy

I don't want to call this "In Memoriam" or something like that because I still hope he (she?) will pop up again, but I haven't seen him in 3 weeks now. After all, I had never seen the second white baby again in a long time, but only recently s/he popped up again, the little white one that I call Paardebloempje (Dutch for "Little Dandelion"). The difference is that Paardebloempje had never grown accustomed to me yet, only Sleepy-Eyes (the other white baby) would come to me. Only recently, Paardebloempje has started taking food from my hand, still timidly - while Sleepy-Eyes is fearlessly climbing all over me.
All the babies started out being very shy, and some grew to trust me more quickly than others.
In this little video compilation I made with what clips I have of Black Fluffy this can be seen, in the start he's timid, but towards the end of it he's walking over my leg. And I'm aware that, sadly, after having come to trust me this much it would be far less likely that he suddenly just decided to stay away.

The few photos I have of him are mostly not of greatest quality, but I'll put them here anyway. I hope I'll still get a chance to take more of him in the future, and to see him grow up.

Black Fluffy (left) and his brother Growly.

Sorry, little Fluffy, the bag of carrots is empty.

Black Fluffy (right) with Sleepy-Eyes (the white one)
& two others.

Black Fluffy with Sleepy-Eyes and another sibling.

The final day of summer

I meant to celebrate the last day of summer with my little furry family, but others had the same idea and sadly did it in most noisy and annoying ways. The video is mostly of Growly and Sleepy-Eyes only. Most of the others had been there before too, for some pears and carrots. Bumpy seemed particularly aggressive today and kept attacking everyone - not me, but sadly the babies and adults alike.

An old lady was there when I came, I've seen her sometimes previously, she's friendly and usually also comes on her bike, to exercise a bit in the park. She wasn't happy with the annoying festival either, especially the trash and colored bits of paper all over the place. We picked some of it up; I hope someone will clean up after this Mickey Mouse circus.
According to the weather forecast it's been the last day of summer not only on the calendar. Germans are known to be very strict and punctual, and it seems that even the German summer is unwilling to stay even a single day beyond August; from tomorrow it will be cold again.

A Pentagram fountain in Amsterdam

The latest trip to Amsterdam the other week wasn't without complications. I still managed to get to the bike rental before closing time right after my arrival, which was very positive - what's life without a bike!
But just after recording the clip at the hostel dorm though I had to find myself confronted with a bearded face there - I had been assigned to a mixed gender dorm by accident, although I had booked an all female one as usual. I felt extremely uncomfortable, much worse than expected, since I seemed to be the only girl in that dorm and some of the guys were so rude to go to bed shirtless, despite the cold weather. The next day I felt ready to go home early, and quite depressed. As I asked for a refund for the remaining two nights, the receptionist offered to move me to a female dorm though, and also a free breakfast as an apology. I accepted, since I had planned to meet up with someone the next day. Still that first night at the mixed dorm is a nightmare to remember, and frankly, by morning the room was stinking far worse than my gym ever does! At least I felt much more at ease again at the female dorm. No smell and no one sleeping topless.
Unfortunately I seemed to have picked some of the rainiest days of the summer though, and at least I had brought a rain cape and gloves, since it was very cold too.

I mostly managed to find me some breaks in the rain though, and surprisingly that first evening, the pavement next to the fountain had dried enough to comfortably sit down and eat some dinner I had bought at the supermarket, yogurt and granola bars and such. At another occasion the next day, I draped the rain cape over the bike to crouch underneath as a makeshift "tent" to eat something. LOL

The fountain consists of 20 individual spouts, each with a color-changing light. Five form a pentagon in the center, then there's 3 more on each of the 5 sides, forming the 5 points of the star.

The Pentagram fountain

Full moon above Pentagram fountain

Megalodon teeth in a shop window

I bought me some ear studs at Albert Cuyp Market

Bees on passionflower by the side of a street

Tall ship outside Scheepvaartmuseum

I had a very  nice walk from my friend's hotel back to Vondelpark on the final night, with clear skies again.

De Magere Brug at night

De Magere Brug ("Skinny Bridge")

Bike full of rubber duckies outside Knuffels store.

Souvenirs: New backpack for the gym, covered in
little sharks, & book from book exchange
at the hostel.

I beat the treadmill, but Bumpy bites again

Leg day once more, at my secondary gym which is farther from home but close to the park where I was going to visit my furry family again afterward.
It troubled me lately that my sprint performance has been so awful, and especially my tabata interval sets. The latter are done as follows: Run for 20 seconds, pause for 10 - and preferably do 10 of these intervals at the same speed, which for me is 20 kph; at least I had worked my way up to that, and it troubled me tremendously that the last few times I tried I hadn't been able to do more than 5 intervals before I had to either pause longer than 10 seconds, or reduce the speed. Time for euthanasia?
Well, we got new treadmills at McFit. And now my suspicion is that they're even faster than the old ones.
Because today at John Reed gym, I found that I had no trouble at all to finish all 10 intervals, and as a bonus to even make the last one 40 seconds instead of 20! I don't think I just had a sensationally good day for workout. I think the treadmills are different, and 20 kph on the one type are not equal to 20 kph on the other. And I'm not a worthless piece of shit after all, but still getting better than ever!

After taking a shower, my band aid had come off, which had been expected and I had brought another, and Povidone-Iodine to sterilize this latest bite again. Bumpy took a scrap of skin off my hand the other day.

Worst bite yet. Bumpy never targets me though, it always happens only when he jumps at someone else. Big Daddy also once bit me by accident lately when jumping at another black fellow who looks much like he might be Bumpy's brother. Rivalry between adult males. The sad thing about Bumpy though is that he will also attack the babies sometimes. He never is aggressive toward me, only when it comes to other nutrias he's quite antisocial. It seems that someone bit him back though. I couldn't see any blood, but which is unsurprising since he's in the water a lot; only the edge of a bit of torn skin on his back. I hope he'll be ok, he's probably been through worse. I've been thinking for a long time that the little bump in his tail, for which I've named him, most likely is from an old injury; his tail might have been fractured once. The little bump feels hard and bony but doesn't seem to bother him at all.

The above video was taken the other day, when that bite happened. Me being a big, strong warrior, I can take it. But what happened today was far worse, and I hope to Satan that the poor little baby will be fine.

It must be stressful for them that there frequently are such noisy festivals at the park. You can hear throughout the video how noisy it was! Maybe the noise and stress contributed to Bumpy's behavior, I don't know. Because it was all fun and games until he sadly bit one of the babies. Usually the babies are very quick to jump away, but this one sadly wasn't quick enough this time. I don't know how badly the baby was injured, but he seemed to be in pain. At first he sat by the edge of the pond, I could see him just breathing heavily, as in distress. It might have been just the scare, but my instinct tells me otherwise. Bumpy frequently attacks and chases everyone else, so they must be used to this already. I could sense this poor baby was in pain. Eventually he swam over to the island and sought shelter between those branches by the edge of the water. There was no blood. But a few weeks ago when Bumpy bit me on the leg I just had a big bruise there, and I hate to imagine what that same force of bite could do to those tiny bones in the hind leg of such a little creature. The much I love Bumpy, it really pains me that he would attack the babies.
I hope so much the little one will be fine!

Bumpy, Shaggy, & fighting babies again

I've been depressed AF... but let's rather talk about these cuties here! Bumpy is my special darling. He gave me a kiss on the forehead on the day of Lammas (Wednesday). No, not with his teeth, nor just with the whiskers, but an actual kiss, a wet little nutria kiss, it was so sweet of him.
It's a 10 km bike ride but I always feel drawn to the park again to visit the cutest creatures in the world. Just look at the white-ringed noses on those babies, so adorable!

My lovely Bumpy is back

I was so worried for him. He suddenly was unwell the other day, and then yesterday I called for him several times but he remained absent, and today still he wasn't there at first. I had the babies all over me, who are so adorable, and several grown ones too, yet still I was sad because I thought something might have happened to Bumpy. Then suddenly, there he was! And aggressive as ever.

I have to admit Bumpy is not exactly the nicest fellow, as can be seen here, he's very jealous and attacks all others, even the poor babies. Bumpy is antisocial. He bit me again in the process, although he doesn't target me. He peed on me again too - that he does on purpose, I guess to mark me as his own. It's like just a little pond water, so I don't mind it. I'm so glad to have my cheeky little boyfriend back, I love him so much!

On a quest in Northern Ireland

It's been 2 weeks already since I returned from this adventurous trip, visiting my friend in Belfast again.
She hadn't told me beforehand about this curious holiday I was to encounter, which is pretty much unknown outside of Ireland; at least I had never heard about it before. I looked it up now, and it appears that they usually refer to it as simply "the 12th", like we Americans call our Independence Day "the 4th".

This time around I also found the opportunity to take pictures of the Big Fish, which Amanda told me is the symbol of Belfast. It's recognizable for sure, but reading the plaque by the statue I found that this Big Fish actually is of very recent date, of 1997, which makes it even a decade younger than myself, which I hate to admit, of course.

Big Fish

Heavily armored patrol car

Police guarding the parade. Looking a bit intimidating,
but they were all friendly.

July 12th parade

The day after this parade day, Saturday, my friend and I would visit the shaman. It was about an hour's bus trip into the hills to the place he lives. And as I mentioned in the above video, sadly nothing came of it really; he couldn't help me with the communication problem with my Master, and his views as to how I ought to proceed were incompatible with my own, and with my way of life. He was very friendly, but while I would like to know how I ended up as a sort of a foreign intruder in that German and Danish family line which is so alien to me, he insisted on the importance of ancestors and urged me to embrace their heritage.
I still have nightmares about my birth "family", and about people speaking German, I hate those people and their vile language that I was once forced to learn as a child. I worked so long and hard to free myself of this, and I'm even far from done yet; the nightmares are less frequent and less severe but they still come.

My friend Amanda understood me much better; after we left the shaman's place she suggested that it would be best for me to leave Germany forever so that I'd be no longer exposed to hearing that language that tortures me. Of course that's true and it's what I wanted since my childhood, but there's no way to make it happen. And as of late I'd no longer want to leave, because of my nutrias. And where would I go anyway.

The ride back into Belfast was quite enjoyable, at least to me it seemed so. The outward ride had been a regular bus, but the one going back was a double decker, and we sat upstairs right at the front window, looking down from high above at the winding road through the scenic hills back down to Belfast.
I'm usually the first person to get upset over noisy crowds, but I didn't mind much that we were sharing the bus with lots of noisy party people headed to town, since it was a Saturday night. For once, Amanda was much more annoyed by them than I was, and I didn't realize then how unwell she was. But later that night I would still accompany her to the ER.

The waiting area at the hospital was packed with people that night, and we had to wait for many, many hours. We had arrived around 11 PM, and I think it must have been between 4 and 5 AM when I could no longer hold myself upright, and ended up half-sleeping on the floor and on my backpack, under the bench of the waiting area. It was about 9:30 AM when Amanda woke me up to ride home.

So we both were very tired the next day, Sunday, but at least it was the only warm and summerlike day, and I went to the park near her house to exercise a bit, eat some stuff bought from the supermarket, and just hang out in the sunshine.

When I returned to her house, Amanda told me while she had been relaxing in the backyard she had received a psychic message from my Master and written a letter on his behalf. She was hesitant to even give it to me. My Master is dissatisfied with the way things are going with me. He told me that he wants me to wake up - I have no idea how - and to step out of my comfort zone and into my power as a true warrior of Satan, to stop daydreaming in my room and to take action. I don't have the foggiest clue what he wants me to do though, and this greatly troubles me.
Part of it sounded very unlike him, and I'm wondering to what extent it may have been colored by Amanda's own ideas. He mentioned that he'd want me to be out there "speaking, creating chaos, protesting."
Creating chaos, that's something a Satanic brother of mine often talks about, who is very close to my heart. But speaking and protesting, about or against what?? It's something Amanda does a lot, animal rights activism and such. But I can't think of any causes of any relevance to a Satanist, let alone a being as far above and beyond human affairs as my Master is. Back in the days of his and my past lives, in the 17th century, matters were much different, of course. But nowadays there's freedom of religion. Obviously I'm openly "Satan's warrior", as in the very title of this blog, I never made a secret of being a Satanist. I'll freely tell anyone who asks about my religion. I'll tell the police I'm a Satanist. Because I have the right to be a Satanist. My brother has the name of Satan tattooed on his face. Nothing to hide there, and thus nothing to protest; we're no longer persecuted. We already own this right.

I'm very confused by my Master's message, and very depressed. I always meant it when I said I'll do anything for him. If only I had the vaguest idea of what he wants me to do.

Babies & Bumpy

The babies try to take apart my backpack, and Bumpy does not bite me - not today, for a change. What caused Sleepy-Eyes (the white one) and the other baby to run away so suddenly, I got no clue. I have extremely sensitive hearing, but the animal senses are still superior I guess.

Bumpy was surprisingly peaceful today - the big, dark one. He's my abusive boyfriend who keeps biting me... but also allows me some hugs. I anticipated trouble when the babies got so close to him as he will often react aggressively even to the babies, and usually it will be me who gets bitten in the process. But not today. Oh, but he peed on me again. LOL



Sleepy-Eyes looks so much like her mom, Whitey, who died in the beginning of this month. It's of great comfort to me that she had these babies before she died, and two are of the same almost white color. There's a third baby of similar light color who is smaller and younger, it makes me wonder whose babies these are. As can be seen in the video, Sleepy-Eyes and a few others are obviously older than those really tiny babies, and I think therefore they can't be of the same birth. Also their colors range from almost white to black. But regardless, I love them all, of course! Some of the tiny ones are still shy, but they all start coming to me,while the older babies are getting quite bold already.

Adorable tiny baby.

Returning to my Brown Jenkin babies

Having just returned back home from a visit to Ireland, first thing to do was to check on my babies again.
I had to be up early to walk back from my friend's home into town and get on the bus for the 2-hour ride from Belfast to Dublin Airport, then fly back to Cologne. I didn't get much sleep the previous two nights and so I was tired and not particularly keen to ride the 7 miles and back to the park, but the longing to see my little darlings was stronger, and so I got on my bike anyway,hoping they would still remember me after 6 days of absence. I may post more about my trip later...




And the next day I got back again to see them too. Elsewhere in the park there was some event yesterday, that background music ain't mine. Two of the babies were fighting, and then Bumpy and Big Daddy were facing off once more too. With the babies it's just play, but Bumpy and Big Daddy are rivals, and I'm worried they might hurt each other. At least it wasn't as bad as the last time, when they would actually jump at each other.

Bumpy (the black one) is a bit of an outsider and can be very aggressive. He bit me again, but then he was all sweet and allowed me to give him a hug.

In loving memory of Whitey - R.I.P., my darling

Heartbroken. Monday, July 1st, was the last time I saw my Whitey. When I came to the park on Independence Day, and the day after, Whitey remained absent. And today I had to learn that Whitey has passed away. I also learned that Whitey was the mommy, and not the daddy as I thought, of the babies who have that same light coloration. I've seen three of them, among some other, brown and black babies.

This is a compilation of some precious moments with Whitey, ending with her legacy, one of her adorable babies.




I should have known... Whitey would always come to find me. On Monday she had already returned to the little island in the artificial lake where they have their home, about 10 yards across the water. I then found another apple in my backpack that I had overlooked, and I held it up and called, "Whitey, I found another apple!"
And immediately she came swimming back over - Whitey understood. While she was sitting by the edge of the pond,eating the apple, I touched my face to her back, even though her fur was all wet, having just climbed out of the pond, and I gave her a little kiss and told her, "I love you, Whitey."
Just because I felt like it. I had no idea it was the last time. She then plopped back into the pond and just swam around a bit, looking quite happy in doing so.

So far, only one of her babies will come close to me, along with one black and two brown ones. The one of Whitey's is the one seen in the end of the video. When I was sitting by the pond crying this evening, Sleepy-Eyes, as I call this baby, came to me and climbed on my knee for a moment, as if to comfort me. And it's great comfort indeed that the babies are there.
I met an older couple there, who told me about Whitey. They said they're coming frequently to feed them too, along with a kind lady who even comes every day. They had called Whitey by the name Bianca.
They brought them a lot of food, but they always scatter it on the lawn. I'm probably the only person who will sit on the lawn and hand-feed them, as everyone else is scared of their bites. I came away with another little bleeding scratch that I hadn't even noticed when it happened. It's worth it to me, I always loved it when Whitey would sometimes sit on my legs. Now sometimes the babies will.

Brown Jenkins: Babies getting bolder

Guess who I celebrated the 4th of July with!

The big, dark guy sitting right by my knee in the start is Bumpy. I named him so for the little bump in his tail. He's a rough guy who can be very aggressive, more than once have I been bleeding from his bite. But I've also touched my face to his soft fur when he's placid.




There were a number of babies around again, not all of them dare to come close to me yet, but more and more of them do. Only one of the two white ones, the smaller one, one brown one, and since today, the bigger one of the black babies, who in the end even tugs on my sandal. I can see them growing up before my eyes... The tiniest black one is a new baby, he didn't dare come close to me yet, but as can be seen toward the end, he takes no shit from his bigger sibling. Sleepy-eyes Baby Whitey was this tiny when I first saw him, and was very shy then. Now he (or she?) comes to me, but is already a good bit bigger. Sadly I learned they live only 6 years. I didn't see big Whitey today, which always has me worried. I held back two apples for him but ended up taking them back home, after riding around the lake, unsuccessfully looking for Whitey. I hope I'll see him again soon.

Sleepy eyes baby

My sharkies after the feeding frenzy. LOL Big Whitey had already left. But Baby Whitey can still be seen, so, so adorable with that kind of sleepy look. Big Whitey has it too, I think due to the light pigmentation their eyes are probably more sensitive to light than those of the brown ones. Of course the brown ones are adorable too, the babies and the big ones. I love them all so much!

I'm aware that all of my latest blog posts have been about these little furry friends of mine. What's with this new obsession? Well, seems it just happened. It's the one thing that gives me joy, while I can't physically be with my Master, while I'm so lost and alone in this life; at least I can be with them. They have soft fur, and adorable little hands with agile little fingers to grasp with; I like it when they tug on me. I like their appearance as of big, feisty rats with orange teeth, while being very clean animals. Unlike dogs they don't smell bad (nor do they drool nor have slobbery tongues); even that time when big Whitey peed on my leg I was surprised, I had anticipated to be stinking like dog piss then, but to my relief there was no bad smell at all, it was like just a little pond water. They also can't have fleas since they spend a lot of time swimming in the water. They can dive for 10 to 20 minutes at a time. With their webbed hind feet they're fast swimmers, as can be seen in the video. Unlike muskrats, who use their vertically flattened (somewhat eel-like) tails for propulsion, the nutrias use their feet. For this reason it's fortunately not such a big deal for big Whitey to have lost most of his tail (about 3 quarters), at first I thought this must slow him down a lot, but no, it's just that Whitey is laid-back and not in a hurry most of the time. When he wants to he can swim just as fast as the others.

Here's still a few baby photos.

Midsummer & Whitey's babies

Last time at the park when I first saw one of Whitey's babies I came from the gym and didn't have my cam with me. It was on Friday, and I would celebrate the Midsummer Night, with a ritual and another letter dedicated to my highly adored Master.
Saturday was terrible. It could have been such a beautiful summer night, and I went out to the woods at night to spend some peaceful time there, while some idiots in my neighborhood were having a noisy party all night long.
Fireflies were swarming. But sadly, no peace was to be found anywhere, as it wasn't only in my neighborhood, but there seemed to be campsites with extremely noisy rave parties everywhere, even by the tiny Jewish cemetery up the hill, as well as further into the woods, the extreme noise terror was everywhere, braindead assholes screaming and all.

Sunday then I only did my workout and tried to recover my wrecked nerves. It would have been a bad idea to ride to the park on a Sunday, because it gets crowded there on weekends too. So I went again today instead and brought my cam, and I found Whitey right away. A little boy was there too, trying to feed the animals, but he wasn't much of a nuisance at all. I think it was the same boy I already met at an earlier occasion. And he was wearing shorts with sharks all over them, which I also appreciated. LOL

Then I went over to the place where I had seen Baby Whitey on Friday, and it was there again - and another one! Both the same pale color as big Whitey, who also would soon come swimming over once more, and I managed to snap this adorable photo of him and Baby Whitey together.

I also recorded some video sequences. The babies are very shy, and only the slightly bigger white one would take carrots from my hand. The brown baby wasn't bold enough - but very well bold enough to try and steal the carrot from the white one. The babies don't have an easy time. None of the adults would ever share any with them, but in the contrary, they would sometimes push them around or steal a carrot I meant to give the baby, as seen in the video. It's not quite as extreme as for sharks, who have to fend for themselves from the moment they are born, but not far from it. I read that they're nurtured for five days, after which they for the most part survive on their own.

I had bought a 2 kg pack of carrots on the way; after about 2 hours at the park there was nothing left!
Which means you lose carrots at a rate of about 1 kg per hour when you go there. LOL Which depends, of course, on the number of dinner guests, in today's case about a dozen in all. So worth it; with my Brown Jenkins (and white ones) is the best place to be!