God vs. God, and Einstein's immortality

I've been dealing a lot with the "war" between theists and atheists, the questions why atheism nowadays is most often taken to imply not to believe in anything other than the physical universe instead of merely not believing in any gods, and why a nonphysical consciousness (soul) and its survival after the death of the body should necessitate a religious concept.
To myself, the terms "soul" and "consciousness" are perfectly interchangeable and really mean the same thing, and although being a Satanist means I am religious in a way, having (or more precisely, being) a soul/consciousness has by itself nothing to do with either God or Satan or religion in  general.
Regardless, in the majority of cases those who do profess, as do I, the view that consciousness is fundamental and transcends physical existence sooner or later arrive at talking about "God".

But another curious thing I couldn't help noticing is that God is not the same as God.
That is, the one God is the Abrahamic God of mainstream religions: the God of the bible, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, or as the Jews write simply G-d; he is a personal god who gives out laws for people to abide to and who can cast you out into Hell if you don't.
The other version of God is more like a universal consciousness which is creator-god in so far as he/it actually became the whole universe, this God is infinite and encompasses everything in existence.
Yet strangely, they usually don't seem to see any conflict between these two versions.
Believers in the Abrahamic God will readily say, "oh yes, God creates everything so he truly is in everything."
And the not traditionally-religious people will say, "yes, the universal God is the one that inspired all the great religions." And both kinds of people will usually say that God represents good, love, compassion and kindness.

You could say that in both cases this can't be true - the God of mainstream religions waged wars, inspired crusades, the Inquisition, torture, slavery and genocide.
Maybe the distinction isn't so great at all in that the Universe does much the same.

The Universe though does not favor compassion over cruelty (etc.), the universe is impersonal and unbiased. The Universe is not good or love - at least not only; it incorporates these just as much as it does evil and hate and it has no preference for either.
An infinite, "universal consciousness" version of god would certainly also include evil, darkness, and every other trait conceived as "negative" and absent in the god of mainstream religions.

Ok... the great commonality though seems to be that in both cases believers appear to be blind to this negative side of their God or to simply deny it.
In this aspect at least, the materialists appear to be more honest. To them, there is only evolution,both cosmological and biological, without true cause and without purpose, and they will freely admit that especially in the biological part, war and violence are great driving forces.

Myself being a Satanist, I'm not biased against any of these negative forces, nor do I embrace human values such as love, compassion and kindness; I see need for these latter ones as weakness just as much as falling victim to any of the former. Human nature is not something to be elevated or celebrated but something at all costs to be overcome, to break free from. To celebrate humanity means celebrating weakness and vulnerability. Once you overcome weakness and vulnerability you won't have any need for compassion or kindness. I wish to overcome the need for anything, because becoming truly free means free from any need - need for food, water, sleep, shelter... free from incarceration in a weak body that depends on all of these. A goal which can only be reached beyond this earthly life, obviously.

I figured out a long time ago, somewhere in the back of my mind, that even if I should be wrong about the primacy of consciousness and the concept I have of a nonphysical afterlife, there is one way in which eternal existence is virtually guaranteed; this being an idea that arose from everything I learned about cosmological spacetime from a purely scientific point if view but which I had never realized in any real concrete way until I chanced upon the video below, and I'd had no idea that Einstein held this belief.
Obviously it can't be proven experimentally and yet I'd think it follows logically from the scientific view.

I want to know those WHO WANT TO KNOW

It's been just over a week now since I deactivated Facebook. It feels a bit lonely but I know it's an illusion that it would be lonelier than before in any meaningful way because I'd be easy enough to find for anyone who cared to; I'm right here, after all. Up until the post preceding this one I always shared every single one of my blog posts on Facebook, and as a rough estimation I received an average of 0.5 "likes" and 0.05 comments per post. (That is, occasionally one "like", rarely more than one, most often zero; comments being exceptionally rare, even on posts where I explicitly asked for feedback.) Most popular were posts containing photos, especially such of my person at the FIBO and such. People hate reading, as it appears - and why would they be more interested in looking at the vessel I'm embodied in that they are in my person?!

Humans are still difficult to understand for me, and yes I'm certainly aware that there are different levels to "understanding". Myself I happen to be all intellect and very little emotion. I do possess a high level of a sort of intuition, but I'd call this sort a "philosophical intuition" (the word philosophy means "love of knowledge"): it derives from reasoning and experience, not from feeling. My "interpersonal skills" are very low, I wouldn't have needed any psychological test to tell me that; it's pretty natural for a reclusive loner.

I may be a hardcore misanthropist to boot, hating the overpopulating human pest species for what it's doing to the rest of all lifeforms on Earth - to the oceans, the rainforests, the planet as a whole. But my vision is certainly wide enough to see that I also need humans - no, not in that silly way! - I need them on my quest for understanding and to expand my knowledge. As you can see I like to frequently put hyperlinks in my posts, which means in turn that I like to use the internet a lot (which was made by people), to read a lot and to search for information, which was written and put there by someone. Intellectual advancement is impossible without communication of some sort, even if not necessarily personal communication - I rarely know the authors of books and articles I read and rarely interact with them besides reading and sometimes sharing their writings, but everything has been written by someone. Reading and writing always is a form of communication.

People sometimes tend to take words too much at face value. For instance, being a true Satanist (that is, one who worships Satan) I have so often railed against LaVeyan (pseudo-)"Satanism", and I've made myself very clear when saying that "a thing like “LaVeyan Satanism” doesn’t exist. Yes, they wrongly call themselves that - but Satanism is the worship of Satan, and LaVeyans are atheists." On which I once received the incredibly asinine comment: "I’m sorry that LaVeyan Satanism doesn’t exist in your world, but in the real world, it does."
Obviously I wouldn't ever dispute that something called "LaVeyan Satanism" does exist - if it didn't then I'd have no reason to rail against it! - but their use of this very term is virtually the only quarrel I have with LaVeyan "Satanists". I'm generally a very tolerant person who understands that everyone has their own reality tunnel and needs to find their very own paths - I even tolerate Christians! (...and found that can I often relate to their views much more than I can to those of materialist atheists, including LaVeyans.)
They simply shouldn't use the term "Satanism" for it since they don't believe in, let alone worship, Satan; that's all of the problem I have with them. The term "Satanism" should be reserved for the belief in Satan, period.
If there's no worship of Satan involved then it's not Satanism, and that's why LaVeyan Satanism does not exist - in particular not in the real world! But only in the world of meaningless words, or in a world that also contains stationary transportation, soundless music, and most notably atheistic Christianity. A world where the sun shines all throughout the night and by daytime it's always pitch dark.

I think this is a major part of the problem: that words all too often are confused with their meaning (or sometimes their meaninglessness, as it is). The advancement of knowledge depends on communication, and communication usually relies on words, which often turn out a rather crude and unreliable instrument of conveying meaning. Yet we have little choice to try and use it anyway as best as we can.

 And those are the people I'd like to meet and communicate with: The ones who WANT TO KNOW in the way I do - to look beyond mere words and appearances, to try and figure out consciousness and reality, to know the true nature of existence.

Dress rehearsal... of sorts

I'm dead to the world - a little bit more now than I've already been usually.
I rode to a fleamarket today, one of the last times before the long, dead winter months - technically that was yesterday as it's nearly 3 AM now and I can't sleep once more. I always used to think of night time as "in between yesterday and tomorrow", but without a "today": October 9th was yesterday, October 10th will be by morning; right now it's "in between days".
My bouts of insomnia happen about every other night and usually I don't get up but just keep lying around for some hours. But maybe it's time to change a few things; fortunately I can sleep or wake at any time I like, and even my gym is open 24/7, so I could go there right now.
I didn't talk to anyone all day, just like on most days. Except when praying to Satan and when talking a bit to myself, the latter I think is done by most people who spend most of their time alone.

The reason I'm more dead to the world than usual is because I just deactivated my Facebook account. All of a sudden FB wouldn't let me use my name anymore, I couldn't log in anymore without changing it, nor could I change it in any useful manner. When I first registered there, about 5 years ago, I tried to use Diana the Warrior just like here but it didn't work (wouldn't be "approved"), so I settled for my alternative name, Gladiatrix Satanae, which is Latin for "she-warrior of Satan".
(Technically, gladiator/gladiatrix means "sword fighter", there's another more general Latin word for warrior, bellatrix, but I find it unfortunate for a name because "bella" also means beauty in Italian and some people might confuse the meaning there, and calling oneself beautiful would be the most ridiculous and embarrassing thing; it's something done by the sort of people who wear dresses and makeup, not warriors!)
When forced to change the name I tried "Diana Satanswarrior" but that didn't work either; I was about to give up but then it turned out when I changed only the first name I could log in again. Now that gives "Diana Satanae", which makes little sense. It's "Diana of Satan", but the warrior part is missing and it sounds quite ill matched. And anyway, what's a "real" name? Diana is not my real name, it's a name given to me by the hoe that once shat me into this world and the memory of whom contributes quite a good deal to my insomnia and bad dreams.
I never really liked the name, especially for the horrible shit the Germans make of it, they pronounce it more like the -diana part in "Indiana", but more German sounding: "dee - ahna", with a very long "ah" sound in the middle, it sounds very, very ugly and I often have to correct the same person several times in a row which gets extremely tiresome.

I don't have any name more real than Gladiatrix Satanae, or Satan's Warrior, because that's what I am. I'm a warrior and belonging to Satan; furthermore I don't know who or what I am. I'm glad I know at least this much, and life is a quest of finding it out.

Being more dead to the world... being off Facebook is like a dress rehearsal for my actual death, of sorts. A good exercise, I guess. I said so often that I meant to update this blog more often and it's in fact a more reasonable place to put my thoughts, even if no one reads it. I have practically no contacts outside of Facebook. Will anyone miss me? I highly doubt it. Will anyone try to contact me by other ways? Even much more doubtful. But who cares - I'm here for Satan and for myself, and there's no one else to ever rely on. I never really needed anyone else, and no one ever needed me, and at least in this regard I'm fortunately truly free, unbound by anyone or anything, free to move on whenever it should happen.
Needing to breathe, to eat and drink, to sleep, are obligations enough. I've never really been of this world and can't relate to the pleasure most people seem to find in it. I am truly alien to it,and still I don't know why, or how I ended up here although I don't belong.
The quest continues.