Do you think that weevil is evil?

Back from Amsterdam once more!
And once more, the weather wasn't too bad for April. LOL

Again we arrived with about an hour's delay, both ways. But no weird encounters on any of the trains - except for a weevil, but more about that later. LOL

Surprisingly, I could even remember some of my dreams I had in the night - usually when traveling I'm too excited & distracted, which is my problem to begin with. Some progress?
Anyway, in the dream I was in some community home with the people at the dorm (all female) but also some others, and there was a guy who wanted to talk to me about something - turned out he was "interested". I reacted in a very hostile way, which is common - I'm usually friendly and easy to talk to but I quickly turn very hostile upon male sexual suggestions - and I told the guy that I belong to someone. Word got around about my Master, and everyone was then very creeped-out by my spirit companion, which, knowing my Master, he wouldn't mind in the least.


The next day I got myself a bike again.
Having taken the ferry across the IJ, we saw some cool ships passing by, but...

...you guys don't mean to seriously sail THIS to Antarctica,
do you?? Good luck...

Then first from afar I saw these crazy huge fountains rising from the water, wondering what that might be. I was on a rental MacBike again, and we set out to explore and found it was the fire fighting boat below.

Fire fighting boat putting on a display!

Oudeschans with Montelbaanstoren.

Passing through the tunnel underneath the Rijksmuseum toward the Museumplein, the following view appeared before us.

A giant astronaut, weightlessly suspended
above an equally gigantic chair.

Frontal view with Rijksmuseum behind.

I found two apples on the pavement & stopped to pick them up, they were perfectly fine. The rest of my diet consisted in large part of granola bars from Albert Heijn's, also a few bread rolls, bananas, an orange, some pasta salad.
At night I stayed out in the park as long as I could take it, until it got too cold. Then I went back to the hostel, found myself some quiet reading corner where I wrote in my journal and talked to my Master. I told him it was good being back here and everything being basically well, unlike last year. I told him, thank you for being my Master. And for how things have turned out by now...
Even though there's still a lot of work to be done.

On the final day I got to talk to a girl at some psychedelic store who was very nice. She suggested researching about "micro-dosing" (of psilocybin) as a treatment for depression. And although I do have depression I'm not overly interested in this. Why wouldn't I be?
Because I know the cause of my depression, I know the one and only way of happiness for me. I feel lonely without him - fortunately I know now that I'm not really without him at all - and the only thing I'm really interested in is finding ways to connect to my Master.
There's bound to be progress...
I just hope he's not annoyed with my shenanigans all the time.
But I did try meditating a bit. And when I ask him for advice I'll usually get some in subtle ways. We've come a long way already since last year when I didn't even know his name yet.

Satan's warrior at the flowermarket.

Someone crumpled up this poor VW Beetle
into a ball!

Looking back at my Amsterdam, about to
enter the railroad station hall.

Up in the corner of the train window I discovered this weevil.
I asked my Master, "Do you think the weevil is evil?" LOL

About my Master - no, NOT about Satan but about my Master - PLEASE read!

First of all, there seems to be urgent need to clarify the identity of my Master.
It should be clear as day to anyone who followed my writings to any extent at all, or read at least one of my stories - yet still there are people who mistakenly think I'm speaking of Satan when I say "my Master."
For one, why would I do that? Why wouldn't I say "Satan" when speaking of Satan?! Yes, occasionally I say "the (my/our) Infernal Father". But I have never ever referred to Him as "my Master" - for one because I feel a master usually refers to a human person (e.g. a martial arts master, a master of magick or of any other art or science) and not to a god, and also because to me the term has been for so long firmly associated with this one specific person who is my spirit companion.
Yes, I do know him as the son of Satan - not Satan Himself, but His son.

So in case this really needs repeating, after having written about him for all these years (and years...).
If this should have been still unclear, please refer to this movie.

And no, I'm absolutely not talking about the actor either - it's neither about the actor nor about Satan Himself, but the person portrayed in the movie. Yes, unbeknownst to anyone involved in the making of the movie at the time*, this character is based on a real person who did live in the 17th century, and who was in fact a witch and a Satanist.
(*Someone might have caught on to it in the meantime, who knows.)

I lived at that same time too, although I have no memory of it. I learned about it only recently through a dear friend who is a medium, and it is through her that I also for the first time, after all these years, learned my Master's name. Yet I've become so accustomed to calling him simply my Master, which I find to be perfectly appropriate, and it also tells volumes about the nature of our relationship. Let's face it, I know nothing much, and sadly I seem to be as untalented as can be when it comes to magick and psychic abilities, more often than not I can't even recall my dreams.

The storyline of the movie is obviously fictional - no time travel or anything.
And is my Master really the son of Satan? I think he is, even if for the most part in a symbolic way, and any other way wouldn't really be conceivable since Satan is a deity and, unlike humans and other animals, not some biological organism.

It's totally beyond me how anyone could have missed it that my feelings for my Master, so often laid open in my stories and writings here as well as in posts of Facebook, would be utterly inappropriate and even blasphemous to hold for a deity. And in fact even having them for my Master, who is (or was) a human being, I felt guilty for years because I wasn't sure if he might feel offended by them, by my fantasizing about him as displayed in the stories I wrote about him and me.

I couldn't help thinking how much it would disgust me if someone else - anyone else but him, the one I belong to - had such feelings or fantasies about myself. Admittedly, certainly much more so than it would most people, since I happen to be asexual, obviously a virgin, and very much repulsed by the idea of sexuality - the latter which was never explicitly involved in my fantasies until rather recently - until I had him rape me in the latest one of my stories, the one I wrote very shortly before getting to know my psychic friend who would then talk to my Master for me and find out his identity for me, and also his feelings for me. Thus it turns out those fantasies (and the stories?) were never of my making alone.

And while I'm very happy about these latest developments, especially the bonding ritual between my Master and me which we performed with the help and instruction of my friend from Ireland, I must admit that after my initial joy about it I now still often feel depressed again about my lack of psychic ability and therefore lack of progress in communicating with my Master on my own.
Despite this I talk to him every day, all the time - and most of the time I have no one else to talk to anyway. My Master is all and everything to me, he is all that matters, and my only reason to carry on with my life.

By the way, I remember how a few entries back, talking about the appropriateness-or-not of my feelings for him, I was musing whether or not someone else might have similar feelings for the son of God. I didn't consider this an important question and never pursued it, yet still it has been unexpectedly answered in the meantime. I got invited to join a group for people in a spiritual relationship - that is, a relationship to a person in the Beyond - and in this group there's this girl who is in fact in a relationship with Jesus. And unlike myself she doesn't appear to be troubled with doubts about the appropriateness-or-not of her feelings to "the Savior of mankind" (her words), and she even admitted that, also unlike myself, she "likes sex".
When I talked about this to my best friend who also is a Satanist, my friend suggested that this lady's partner might be only one of those guys who are convinced they are Jesus Christ, and admittedly there are plenty of those.
Personally I don't believe one way or the other, as this is something I simply can't know, and I believe you shouldn't "make up your mind" about things you can't really know, especially if they don't really concern you. People do that too much. I understand the craving for certainty, and the agony in the lack thereof - but the latter is really only in those things that you know you'll have to face for yourself, such as the transition from this life to the world beyond and into eternity.
But you should not concern yourself too much with other people's truth. We each have our path. This other girl is the companion of the son of God, and I'm the companion of the son of Satan. Yet she and I are not enemies, we agree to just have very different paths, and I think that's mutual. She talked about her relationship and views in a video and repeatedly referred to me as "the Satanist", and then even apologized for doing so instead of using my name. But I'm perfectly cool with that, because yes, I am a Satanist. But it doesn't mean I hate everyone whose path is different, because... just listen to one minute of this. I came across it by chance the other day. At about minute 1:01:30, this guy states it exactly as it is: We don't know what life is, we don't know what consciousness is, what "reality" is... we don't know what this is that we're in!

Personally, I only had to make up my mind about one thing, and this I've done so long ago. I didn't hesitate for a split second when my friend told me the bonding ritual with my Master would be irrevocable, even though she told me this only moments before we were to perform it. Because all my life I've been searching for him and longing for him, and I know that I want to be his own forever - not for this ephemeral life only but truly forever. Because there are no words for how infinitely I love my Master.

You got no idea where I've been!

Where have I been, then?

Still at the Rhine river - but from up in the air...

Familiar old Rhine river.

But no, I still couldn't get that flying potion going, so it seems I had to use an airplane instead.

Glad I had made sure to get a window seat!

About to touch down somewhere...

Flying on an airplane was very exciting and fun, especially the takeoff was amazingly exhilarating! And then I stayed glued to the window the whole time.
But it hadn't been without a little fuck-uppy, during checkup of the plane they found a problem with the braking system and had to fix that first, so the plane kept sitting on the tarmac for another while, and after fixing the problem they had to wait for another opening for takeoff, so in the end the flight arrived two hours delayed - at which time I was supposed to already arrive, after another two-hour bus trip from Dublin Airport, in Belfast, where my friend whom I was visiting was to pick me up.
I couldn't find a pay phone, but I found a very friendly gentleman at an info desk who, after being unable to reach my friend by phone (we later found the reason to be that the number was incomplete, since Belfast is in Northern Ireland while Dublin is in the south, officially a different country), let me use his mobile phone to message Amanda on Facebook and tell her I'd make my way on my own - which I would manage without trouble as I had looked it up on the internet the night before and written out some directions. Messaging her on the mobile phone was a lot more difficult since I had never used one before!

I then made it there without further incident, although I must admit I wouldn't have expected it to be this extremely difficult - next to impossible, really - to find a pay phone or to obtain a city map! The only map I was later able to get hold of was a photocopied sheet from the bus company, given for free but so inaccurate it was hardly any use.

I then had a really great time with my friend and her little son. (Although admittedly a not so great time with her two ill-mannered dogs. LOL)

But the next day we got attacked by dinosaurs!

Attacked by dinosaurs!!

A little boy on the right got killed by dinosaurs!

My friend's son (left) is courageously facing them down.

Amanda and me in center, me taking pics.

The vicious T-rex was charging at us!

I then found some shark teeth, even appropriately labeled
in English. Must have had to do with the fact
that this was in Ireland, they don't do that
German language bullshit there.

Titanic museum in Belfast - we didn't go inside.

As planned, we went to the Belfast Gay Pride parade on Saturday to represent Asexual Pride.
Unfortunately it got a bit hectic as we were running late, and I forgot my earplugs over it. It was so noisy and crowded at the parade that I balked like a startled horse and had to literally run away. And once I start running there ain't no stopping me... so sorry about that one!

Amanda and me on parade day. She got
dressed up, while I'm just my usual self.

Aside from my running away that day, we did have an awesome time.
We did a ritual together too - no, of course no photos of that one!

Then on Sunday I was leaving, and there was another fuck-uppy. I had the timetable for the wrong bus company, for Goldline Express instead of Aircoach, and my return ticket was only valid for the latter which would go nearly an hour later. I hadn't realized this error since I obtained the timetable on that chaotic parade day when I was in a somewhat fucked-up state of mind. But after explaining my problem and inquiring about prices for another ticket, the lady at the office of Goldline Express invited me to hop on board their bus, which was just about to leave at 8:45 - for free! Thank you so much!!!

On the bus back from Belfast to Dublin airport.

Airport selfie. Look, someone's feet are in the bottom
left corner. LOL

Selfie at Dublin Airport.

Back at Cologne-Bonn Airport!

The one thing that hadn't been so great in Ireland was the weather. It wasn't overly awful, it was really ok for April. Except that it was August and not April... fortunately I had been prepared for it and brought several layers of clothes.
Arriving back at Cologne-Bonn Airport and disembarking the plane, it was HOT and I liked it! I was back in summer, it was near 90 F, I could take off my jacket and wear only the tank top.

But all in all it's been an amazing adventure, of course! I'm very grateful above all to my friend who was a wonderful host - but also to all the strangers who helped me out on the way:
The awesome guy at the info desk at Dublin Airport who let me use his mobile to contact my friend.
The elderly couple at a newspaper store in downtown Belfast on parade day who, seeing I was distraught by the noisy crowds, gave me directions to avoid the party zone.
And the lady at the office of Goldline Express bus company who made sure I'd arrive back at Dublin Airport in time, at no further cost!
Some really awesome people there in Ireland. :)
Most of all, of course, THANK YOU again Amanda for inviting me!