Haunted Memories

I've come to realize of late that some people may still assume that deep inside I may be just a scared little girl, a soft-hearted, sensitive creature hiding her vulnerability behind the facade of a hardcore bodybuilder and evil Satanist.
But you see, there's an old story, coming in many variations, of a lady going to a masked ball, perhaps a Halloween party, where she dances with a man wearing a mask of a scary monster. Then at midnight the party ends and everyone is supposed to take off their masks - and she discovers the monster had never been wearing one. In some versions he'll certainly kill the lady then, and possibly all other party guests as well, but this is irrelevant for my point.
My point is simply that just like him, I'm not wearing a mask.

Of course I haven't always been strong - it's very difficult while trapped in a wimpy and nearly entirely useless body. Living in isolation with zero connections and zero support didn't help either, I had to figure everything out for myself and so it took me a long time to, with Father Satan's help, finally rise from rock bottom where I had spent nearly the first two decades of my earthly existence crawling around like a worm. It sure wasn't a life, it was mere existence, and even that only barely, for the most part deprived of any route to better myself either physically or intellectually, and I did consider myself as good as dead. I had no mercy on the worm that I was, and I have no mercy on my former self in looking back now. But something in me kept fighting...

Trapped in that body of a maggot was the spirit of a predator.
When nowadays my peace of mind is disturbed so it's most often by the memories of those times of indignation. But I do still cherish the things that kept me going during those times...
Yesterday I discovered this beautiful fan video about Freddy Krueger. I dearly loved him back when I was 14 and when I wished so much I could be like him - everybody's nightmare, feared and pretty much invincible - and I do still love him now.

Of course, that was also around the time when I had first encountered my Master...

One of the metal albums I loved most was The Nocturnal Silence, by the same band that now lately came out with a song by whose title I feel being addressed personally - not me alone, of course, and yet it's only an elite few of us who have indeed stayed Satanic, and hereby I salute all those Brothers and Sisters in Satan!!!

Entering Eternal Sharkness

Only two days until Halloween - and only the 2nd entry for this month. Not as if nothing happened, in the contrary.
There were still a couple of fair days with balmy afternoons, but now we've entered the grim, freezing season, which is very difficult for me as I wasn't made for this brutally cold climate.

Lucky shot - it's a butterfly! :D

Nightfall.

 But the great news is, by the hand of a gifted artist I have entered eternal Sharkness!

Massive Great White on massive warrior's arm.

 The tattoo artist copied the design very precisely after the drawing I provided. At the instant of attack, a great white shark will roll their eyes back in order to protect them from possible counterattacks of the prey, this is why the shark's eye then looks white.

My original pencil drawing.

I'm really happy with the way my great white shark turned out!

The obsolescence of the "god or no god" question

While the ultimate goal of all earthly existence may be unknown and as of yet unknowable, how foolish is it to bluntly deny even the possibility of any goal. Is it just the fear of responsibility, and to preferably take the easy way out? "When I die I'll no longer exist, and so it will no longer matter what I've done and what I've failed to do in my life, I can no longer be responsible when I don't exist."
Or is it really the human arrogance of wanting to continually bask in the illusion of scientific omniscience?
Whatever it is, and no matter how much I despise the materialist dogma, I must admit that to some extent I can understand its adherents - for one single reason: Whenever the proponents of primal, non-physical consciousness, existing independently of matter and of physical brains, present their theories and evidence, more often then not there will come a point when the unfortunate and most unnecessary nonsense about god and love enters the picture.

These matters are extremely subjective, and being a Satanist, it is clear that my own values are of completely different nature. But when exploring questions about the nature of the universe, of consciousness, and of existence itself, such personal choices should be left out of the picture. Religion is always something personal, and my own is certainly not an exception. The materialists do have a point in that you can't have a scientific discussion when it always comes down to the "god or no god" question. They legitimately want to free themselves from the religious dogma which has prevailed for way too many centuries, and in this battle they have sadly seen it needful to replace it with a new dogma of their own.

The original meaning of atheism is to not believe in any gods. But by now if someone describes themselves as an atheist what they usually mean is that they are a materialist: someone who denies the existence of anything besides physical matter (including radiation, magnetic fields, nuclear forces, etc.), and they usually suggest hat those who believe in an afterlife must be altogether simple minds clinging to some religious myths. This is deplorable, but again, to some extent understandable, as long as most of those who research into non-physical phenomena will sooner or later throw their religious ideas in with it.

So... why is the possibility of non-physical consciousness, and thereby an afterlife, always thrown into a pot with god?!
This is where the problem is situated. When discussing consciousness, quit the bullshit about god and love!
God and love are a faith of personal choice, just as Satan and power are my own personal faith of choice.

I found this very interesting video yesterday, but sure enough, towards the end there's the god fallacy again.

Rupert Sheldrake, although of Christian confession, mentions religious concepts only very sparingly and in relatively neutral context in his very fascinating book The Science Delusion.
William Buhlman, in Adventures Beyond the Body, tells about environments in the non-physical interior of the universe which form a consensus reality shaped by the thoughts and beliefs of their inhabitants, such as the followers of a particular religion. Other regions are "unformed" and thought-responsive environments, and that it is of utmost importance to be able to control one's own thoughts.
Myself I'm far from able of doing this for now, but that's what I need to work on. My tentative conclusion so far is that our goal of being here is becoming.
Exactly what we will become is still beyond our comprehension, and yet it is a matter of our own choice. The path of a Satanist is different from other paths, and yet when forming theories about the ultimate nature of consciousness in general then we should leave personal paths out of the picture.

Rainbow, the other day