All summer I had paused my gym membership; after being forced to work out mainly outdoors back in spring I found that it was going great for me and so I stuck with it until October. And now I'm back at it already, because my gym got closed again. Today, only in the backyard, so I decided to record a few clips of it.
After finishing my workout I rode to the park again to visit my fluffy family.
Number of days I've stayed at home this year: 0
My gym may be closed, but the great outdoors is always open!
Lately I was so lucky to have these beautiful photos taken of us; that's mostly me and Bumpy; last one is of Rosso - not together, that wouldn't have worked since they both are alpha males with different territories and don't tolerate each other.
Things are not great right now at the park, with the water level catastrophically low and the municipality not giving a shit. And just shortly after successfully rescuing two of Rosso's babies, as I related in the previous entry, sadly I had to bury one of them, the little Golden One. But fortunately Bumpy and Rosso are fine, Rosso no longer limping on three legs but his injury finally healed by now, and there are also some few surviving babies - as well as new ones whom I haven't even seen yet. Two big adults both of whom I had deemed to be male turned up pregnant, and both have given birth in the past week, which I can only tell from seeing that the two, Biggie and Brownie, are no longer pregnant. The new babies are probably still staying in a nest on the island hopefully staying safe.
My beautiful Bumpy
Kissy for Bumpy
Cutest thing ever how Bumpy is holding his hand, like he's imitating me, so adorable!
I had a not-so-great time at the park on Saturday. I had met that photographer again, I'll call him R., a kind man who always brings lots of treats when he visits the little fluffies. We had found Rosso - poor Rosso who has been injured once more for three weeks now and is limping on three legs and only slowly getting a bit better, Rosso who broke his teeth back in December so I had to bring him food every day then. About three weeks later his teeth had grown back and he was fine; sadly his injured forelimb seems to take longer to heal now.
Rosso, sitting with feet sprawled out sideways,
so cute. He still can't use his right hand.
So for what happened on Saturday, while my attention was on Rosso, R. alerted me to a group of people on the opposite side of the water he had spotted carrying away a nutria. I jumped on my bike and rode around the lake to intercept them. I found them settled for some picnic, but they had two nutrias with them, both babies from Black Mommy's nest, the brown one and a black one.
I confronted them and they claimed they were just feeding them - they were indeed giving them some twigs with green leaves, but while a man was firmly holding the black baby with both hands, in the way you put your hands around someone's throat if you want to choke them. A woman held the brown baby which kept escaping twice.
I talked to them for a while, they were Italian and didn't speak English very well, and asked me about where I'm from and so on. Eventually they decided to leave and let the babies go. Both quickly made it into the pond, but they were away from their home place and seemed lost and disoriented, and I felt responsible for returning them home.
I managed to catch the brown one quite easily although some idiot with his kid was bothering me. (He was offended that I ignored his kid who was babbling to me in German, while I was obviously busy with more important problems.)
I brought the nutria baby back to the shrubbery by the BBQ place where they live and returned to do the same with his black sibling, which turned out much more difficult though. I even took off my shoes and waded into the lake, but the poor baby was so scared and kept escaping. R. was watching from the far side where he had stayed, and warned me it wasn't safe for the baby to swim into the center, since there are some very large fish in the water. To no avail, the baby swam all the way to the opposite side, so I rode back around. I found him back, having climbed out of the water, and I managed to distract him with some food and then to quickly snatch him up so I could bring him home. It pained me so much how scared he was. I held him close to my heart and, still barefoot, walked him over where I let him slip into the shrubbery to rejoin his siblings. R. and I went back there to check on them, and they were at ease now in their familiar location, coming to us again without fear.
Rosso also came back there once more - he's their daddy.
So it ended well but left me feeling very bruised and worried. I have no idea if those people would have let them go without my intervention, or what their intentions might have been, but in any case it was horrible enough of them to displace the babies from their home; they might or might not have eventually found their way back on their own, but straying around disoriented would certainly have put them at risk of severe exhaustion and more vulnerable to predators. What if R. and I hadn't been there at the right time? It's so awful that I can't ever be at peace, always having to worry that some idiots might do some shit to my beloved animals while I'm absent.
The golden brown baby with two black siblings. I don't know
which one of the black ones I saved, there are two more.
Daddy Rosso with one of his babies.
It's troubling enough that these days the water level of the pond is really low, and since it's artificial, the sides are vertical stones in most places, and the nutrias now have a hard time climbing out, especially the small babies as well as the injured ones, like Rosso, who can use only his left hand to pull himself up. There hasn't been much rain lately. Only on Sunday I worked out in the rain, which I didn't mind since it wasn't overly cold then, but the rain didn't last long, but instead the weather has turned freezing cold since yesterday (Monday), but no more rain.
Two other tiny babies down in the shallow water.
How to possibly climb up that high "curb"?
Long hours spent outdoors again, as it ought to be. But although I haven't had any trouble so far, it's hard to ignore a certain feeling of being persecuted, or at least at the brink of it. A veritable maze of construction fence has come up around the outdoor "gym" at the park over the past week or so, yesterday I saw two guys working out there anyway, so there must be a way in but I haven't further pursued it, as I'd be very uncomfortable with the risk of possibly having my workout disrupted. After all, I still know a nice alternative. It's up in the woods, the horizontal ladder thing and the double bars are at separate locations, about half a mile apart. I had both places all to myself.
I don't mind that this thing is rusty, or that the ground underneath is a swamp.I love the woods and the outdoors, and I'm used to being alone, and don't care if people probably think I'm some dirty homeless girl, as I'm usually mud stained. This is my way of life.
I had a great day. Got myself lost in the woods a bit on a long ride to get to the park from there, which actually is in the opposite direction from home. I probably rode 25 miles in all today. I saw a few people on horseback in the woods, and many others cycling and hiking, and I'm glad they're still coming out, I even felt a sense of friendly solidarity between them all: "We're the ones who decided not to be bullied into staying at home."
At the park I met two friends again, one at a time - two human ones, besides my many little furry friends there. Basically, I have nothing to complain about right now, even with my gym closed.
And yet, back home and especially at night, that sense of threat is washing over me again. I didn't expect that my gym was actually going to close until it happened, pretty much without warning. What else might happen? No, I'm not worried about the virus itself, but about "the powers that be," and what more tyranny they might be plotting next. And I can't shake the feeling of being a scapegoat: "It's people like you who keep stubbornly insisting on their freedom who have caused this virus to emerge and to spread." Not me alone, but "people like me." The free thinkers, the rebels, the ones who refuse to be herded like sheep.
That's why I've been riding to the park every day again lately, although it costs me a fortune (in carrots) and I'm pretty broke. But I need the company and affection now that I get in return from my sweet little familiars.
So it really has come to this, very suddenly and without warning. I'd have had no idea if a friend hadn't told me on Facebook the other night - but yesterday was my last workout there for a long time now, as it's closed now for at least a month due to the CoViD-19 scare. And I've never been away from the gym for longer than 6 days at the most, when I was either traveling or very ill.
I think this is a bad decision. Because young and healthy people are no longer worrying at all about the virus now, but instead they're very worried for their freedom - well, in fact I don't really know about any other young and healthy people, but it seems natural to me to feel this way. If I do get ill, damn, I've had the flu numerous times before in my life. I'm unlikely to die from this, but even if I should die, I know I'll die anyway - everyone does, it's not a matter of if but only of when, and it's beyond me why so many people are in stubborn denial of this fact.
But whether in this life or in the hereafter, freedom is what always matters most in all of existence!
So I'll have to use the workout bars at the park for a long time now, or up in the woods, and go running, etc. Fortunately I know a few such outdoor workout spots, and I have some limited equipment myself. And praise Satan, it's spring now, so being outdoors even more will be much less problematic. I have dumbbells and an EZ bar with weights, a chin-up bar, and today I ordered a set of workout slings on eBay. Stairs, logs and rocks can be used, and hills, of course. I'll get by somehow.
Maybe it's the sunny and milder weather, but I was surprised how busy it's been downtown and at the park these past three days.
Mason bees on my balcony, being really busy too. LOL
I've been kept really busy lately; inundated by massive negativity it was finally time to take a step back and have a good look at this mess. As usual, I should have gotten the message a lot sooner, a helluva lot sooner even than that particular dream I wrote down here three entries below, which gave a good hint that I was missing the elephant in the room. Oh boy, was that an elephant... but everyone was looking the other way.
Yet it's the communication problem between my Master and me which threw me into a vicious circle, when seeking help with this very problem got me trapped in a dangerous dead end, and the same problem made it so difficult for him to make me realize I was going down the wrong track. I hope my Master always knew that all I tried to do was for him. That I'm the one true to her colors, ready to seek out all options available, to go on hazardous journeys for him. If I'm required to ride to the woods in the middle of the night I readily do so. And when I make grave mistakes, which I did, I'll do my utmost to correct them, and also to learn from them. One thing I refuse to do is to give up, because I owe him to do my very best.
Another thing I refuse to give up on is this... I found the picture of this doll a few weeks ago, of my beautiful Master. And although I don't generally care much about material things, this is something I'd really love to have, and so I'll keep looking and asking around. I found the picture on Google Image search, apparently from Pinterest, but when I clicked on the Pinterest page it wasn't there at all.
He's so pretty, that's the beautiful face of my Master, that's his radiant, glorious hair. That's him in his unearthly glory. My Master, so unlike any human males which generally are all but repulsive.
My Master, so far removed from such human hideousness, he's so graceful and delicate and dignified. I'd really wish to have this beautiful likeness of his, of the beautiful Son of Satan.
On the Midwinter night I had a sort of epiphany, and I meant to write about this for more than a month now, obviously. I was watching another video lecture regarding the origin and evolution of the universe, and coming from the reductionist-materialist point of view, explaining how according to quantum physics even the most perfect vacuum must contain energy in form of quantum fluctuations - the generation of virtual particle and anti-particle pairs, and according to these laws of quantum physics, the big bang and thereby the birth of the universe eventually had to happen. In other words, according to the laws of nature, the universe had to come into existence. The universe, with these said laws of nature as its properties. Did you spot it? You can simulate it on a computer: If you set the proper initial conditions, the universe will evolve by itself accordingly. Did you see it now? If you set the initial conditions.
And how was that done for the universe?
No no, I'm certainly not gonna argue for "doG did it," I hate that tyrant bastard, and he sure wouldn't have the power all by himself, he's not the only god, after all - but let's keep this scientific here.
Also, I won't claim that I can explain how the universe came into existence, but I only will point out how the materialist model is flawed and can't be the answer.
The assumption is, "The universe created itself from Nothing, according to the laws of nature." There are two things wrong with this idea: 1) "Nothing," and 2) "the laws of nature."
1) The alleged "Nothing" is that dynamic vacuum in which quantum fluctuations take place. This is not "Nothing". A vacuum is by definition empty space; it is any volume of space, no matter how big or small, that is void of any particles, void of anything... but space! Without space there would be no place for any quantum fluctuations to take place in, but space is not nothing!
2) The second flaw of this idea is related to the first one but is even more severe: Not only was space already in existence, but also the laws of nature which would be governing the universe-to-be. But these laws of nature would be intrinsic properties of that universe; a different universe might be governed by a set of different laws. And yet, these physical laws are assumed to already have been in place before the universe got started, in order for it to get started according to these laws.
So, how did those physical laws, those initial conditions, originate? Perhaps they were left over from an older universe that preceded this current one? Then how did that previous universe come into existence? You see, we're ending up with the very same infinite regression as in saying, "God created it," and then, who created that god? It's still the same "turtles all the way down."
As for a better explanation, all I can give is a few clues. For one, there's the analogy of Gödel's Incompleteness Theorem, which states that any closed system (such as mathematics) contains possible problems (equations) that have no solutions within that system.
We're limited to a four-dimensional spacetime continuum, three dimensions of space and, in particular, only one dimension of time, and we can only think within these familiar dimensions. Time is linear, and everything in it must have a beginning and an end. But time and space are both part of this limited universe, and everything outside of it - and "before" is "outside" in a temporal sense - is not necessarily subject to these same rules.
And then, of course, there is consciousness. Consciousness may or may not exist within the universe, but in any case the universe exists within consciousness. It might be both ways or might be only the latter. And consciousness is being confronted with the problem of comprehending its own existence. As always, instead of answers, only more questions.
Once more I've neglected this blog for way too long. I've been very busy, and may need to reevaluate how I use my time outside of workout and visiting the park.
My last month of 2019 went quite well, at least until the day after Shitmas.
My new sweetheart I call Rosso, and I think we have a very special bond. On December 5th I had met him by the pond at the park, he came begging for carrots and he was very good at it, coming very close to me, allowing me to hug him and to caress his luxuriant fur, dark brown in color with golden tips. He's a big guy like Bumpy.
Two days later on the 7th, a Saturday, I was at the park and met him again. I handed him a carrot, but to my dismay I had to watch him turning it around and around but being unable to bit it from either end. I'll never know how it happened, but both his upper incisors were broken off completely.
I happened to have some bread with me that day and tried feeding him that instead, and at least he could handle this, but it pained me to see blood on the edge of the slice where he had bitten from it; whatever had happened to Rosso's teeth must have happened very shortly before on that day.
And so I then vowed to make the 12 mile (20 km) round trip every day to bring him food. There might be little or nothing he could eat unless I did; other people who feed the animals wouldn't know that he couldn't bite anything. And so I rode there, rain or shine, for the rest of the month. I'd go to the pond and call him, and it never took long and Rosso appeared. I brought him bread and carrots cut into thin slices. The area of the pond where he lives is opposite of the "family place" where I usually visit Bumpy and the other nutrias. So on most days I would first visit Rosso and sit with him for as long as he would take to eat, and then I'd ride over to see the others. On some days when it got late after workout I would only visit Rosso.
Fortunately it took barely 3 weeks for his teeth to grow back. Rodent teeth keep growing continually throughout their lives. I was happy to see him able to bite carrots again soon.
I've always hated Shitmas, not only for the Christian meaning but also since it's a "family holiday" and therefore has to be depressing for everyone who is alone and has no one to visit. But this year I was happy to finally have a family too whom I would visit and bring them food. The day before New Year's Eve was the first day I took a break from riding to the park, but both the last day of the year as well as the first one of the new year I spent with them again.
Sadly, in between the horrible murder happened, on the day after Shitmas, December 26th, which actually still is Shitmas in Germany - no idea why they have two Shitmas days here, best ask a German about that, but I think even they wouldn't be able to tell.
Anyway, I didn't witness it myself, but a friend did who also comes daily to visit the animals. I didn't know the victim well, had seen him only twice before briefly. He or she was only 4 months old, was most likely the baby of the Black Mommy who is often seen near Rosso, and Rosso himself might even likely have been the father, since the baby resembled him a lot.
The disgusting scum that murdered the sweet baby was a repulsive c*nt with her dog, and yes, it was in fact PREMEDITATED MURDER. My friend told me how the c*nt instructed her dog to be very still and then strike. And the poor baby hadn't even been the first victim! I never saw this disgusting woman so far, but I was told she was still sighted again, even though a number of people had witnessed the crime and reported it to the police.
I don't know what may happen in the future, in any case I must be prepared to possibly face this hideous monster. And in any case I curse her in all eternity, and I wish upon her any and all of the most horrible torment any soul has ever suffered, in fact that which she dreads most in all of existence is what I wish upon her, and what I command to remain upon her for all eternity, hers shall be an eternity of ruin and suffering and of all hope forever drained away; so mote it be.
Just one more trauma to live with, and I pray each day for the rest of my family to stay safe. I'm still riding there to see them at least every other day. A few times lately, Rosso has even come over to the family place, but sadly he has to beware of Bumpy, because Bumpy hates him. Last Tuesday I saw the two of them together for the first time, and I was still able to deescalate the situation - that day, to following video was taken. Last Saturday though, Bumpy ignored my attempts to distract him with carrots, he charged at Rosso and chased him into the water. It pains me for I love them both.
More to come soon. There are other things to reevaluate, as I said above. I've had trouble typing on my laptop on and off; at times the row of keys starting with Q will be unresponsive, I've had to use an on-screen keyboard at times. Right now, I've had no trouble typing this blog entry though. There may be a message in this. After all, besides my furry family there's only one person I share my life with, who is my one and only soulmate, my dearest Master beyond this fallen world of flawed creation. Still we haven't found a way to communicate, and help hasn't been forthcoming, instead there has been negative interference, and I may have failed to read the signs.
