Alignment

Someone on FB spoke about Saturnian energies prevalent at this time. I pay too little attention to these things to be able to tell, distractions in this day and age are manifold, many things to learn about, and so much exhausting work(out) to be done each day. But yes, I think I may be subconsciously very receptive to the Saturnian energies as well and may have been feeling them, in an emphasized attraction to death and darkness which have always slumbered deep at the roots of my being, even when I was a child, and long before I knew my Master - although he may quite possibly already have known me then.
An inexhaustible well of poison has always rested in those roots, so eager to invenomate the world; those roots of mine which could never find anything else to anchor to and thus grew all the way down into Hell.

Still I struggle with my ingrained scientific world view on the one hand and on the other with those trying to pass off some tame, benevolent and even humanitarian ideas for Satanism.
The former which torments me with doubts about the one and only relationship that matters in my life - the one and only relationship that has ever existed in my life, really - and the latter which only makes me need him the more since he is the one who holds the truth.
He and I are in alignment.

No, there's absolutely no such thing as "Satanic Rules" - that shit was made up by LaVey and his pseudos, none of which has anything remotely to do with Satanism. "Satanic" and "rules" are mutually exclusive, and most of those rules are as un-Satanic as can be. From the spiritual aspect, as a Satanist you can harm or kill whatever and whoever you please. "Don't harm little children"? My Master does that all the time. He did in the movie, he does in my stories. I thought about it, I wrote some earlier stories about him and he killed at least one child in nearly all of them. He did in DreamCycle, he did in The Grave Beyond All Graves. In the early Nightmares From the City of Dreams, short, early predecessor of The Touch of Evil, the killing of children was at least mentioned. I can't even tell exactly why, it's not my creation, it's how I perceive him.
Of course, the movie is still just a movie and never happened in exactly this way (which is something I intended to be mentioned in our conversations in the story but somehow couldn't find a place for it), but I believe it was in part perceived as a reflection from elsewhere, just like most things that take shape in this physical world.

Whenever I feel uncertain I turn to him and I see clearly, for he truly is the Messiah, certainly to me he is.
I've heard from others who have conversed with demons, and I could always only wonder how they're able to do it. But I talk to my Master, in ways that may be both crude and inappropriate, but I have the need to do it. As I said, the one and only kind of relationship that has ever existed in my life, besides a few friendships that were most often short-lived and the few that have lasted are nearly exclusively online and mostly very long distance. All day long, excluding occasional online chats, I usually have no one else to talk to anyway.

A while ago someone posted a meme on FB saying that, since knowledge is power, the more you know about a person the more power it gives you over them. It's straightforward and for this reason I've often been hesitant about what to post here, but since I hardly ever get any feedback at all I guess it's safe to assume no one cares anyway, and so I'm continuing to leave my "graffiti on the fabric of spacetime". There's no one around me anyway who might want to use such knowledge about my person. There's only my Master in my life.

And there's also the needs I shouldn't even have at all. All my love and adoration for him, while perfectly justified, is certainly most inappropriate as well. Not only because he's Satan's son - and just imagine some Christian person having such kind of feelings and fantasies about Jesus Christ as I related them in my story. Makes me really wonder now if there are such people... Among over 7 billion, there probably ought to be some. There have been a whole bunch believing they actually are Jesus Christ (although that's usually not a sane thing to believe), so there probably ought to be a whole bunch as well who are inappropriately in love with their savior... I'd really be curious to know.
Well, that aside, in my case my feelings are very inappropriate for a very different reason still - the reason that I shouldn't have them at all, not for anyone, not even for my Master, at least not in these all too human ways such as displayed in the story. Because emotions are weakness and therefore I've always despised them.

Due to my then horrible circumstances I used to suffer from severe depression in the past. With Father Satan's help I eventually managed to extricate myself from those dire circumstances and to transform my body into something acceptable, at least for human standards. I managed to harden not only my body but also my heart in the process, but only to some extent.
Even when something really upsets me so much that I feel earlier in my life I'd have cried about it, I now find that I couldn't do it anymore even if I wanted. I've become too hard to ever cry, and that's a good thing.
But still it's far from good enough, with my fucking emotions just as with my body. No matter how hard I work out and how strong I become, a human body is still a pathetic, wimpy, squishy thing. Just take a look at Bestgore and you see them smeared on the road all the time. When a truck or tank rolls over you it doesn't matter how "strong" you are. That's why I'd prefer to be the tank...
Yeah right, then you have anti-tank artillery. Nothing is indestructible in this world. I wish I was invincible though.

In my life I only ever kissed another girl when I was about 15 or 16. She was 17, and it was merely out of curiosity, from both sides I guess. Males were always out of the question to me - I guess I'd honestly have barfed - but even with this girl I actually found it pretty repulsive and didn't really get it what people find about that. And ever since I've never kissed anyone again, let alone a person I truly cared for, because I never cared for anyone.
Quote from my story: "I had always been alone, had never before been this close to another person, let alone to a person I truly cared for - as I had never cared for anyone but him."
This is the absolute truth - I've never been this close to anyone, neither physically nor emotionally. At least not in physical, waking life. I've lived in this story though. And a million variations of it and other ones in my mind.

I know he would have no use for this. It's me who is a f'ing wimpy loser, plagued with human emotions. He is so far above all this.
And yet it's better to have all such emotion focused entirely on someone who is worthy... well, even far beyond worthy, obviously. At least this I can say for myself, and I fully own the absolute epitome of arrogance in it: No mere mortal could ever be worthy of my love; yes, I have the brazen arrogance to fall in love only with Satan's son.

Is this really who he is? I can't tell for sure but it seems to make sense in metaphor only, but he surely is of Satan. Of the true Satan - the Lord whose only law is Lawlessness, the Adversary, Enemy of God and Man, the Destroyer of Worlds. Highest praise be to Satan, with each breath that I take, every beat of my cold black heart!
A.M.S.G.

It is done

No, nothing cryptic or sinister, if that's what anyone thought - just a new tattoo I had done today.
On the other hand, it may be cryptic to some, and actually it is sinister indeed - it's Satanic.

Ad Majorem Satanae Gloriam!

It serves to remind me what I'm here for and to always give my best - for whatever I do, with each day of my life and each breath that I take, is for the greater glory of Satan indeed!

It's not the only thing that is done though. I spent much time on the story I wrote, covering the previous three entries, and I have truly lived in it. It's been great to thereby give a more tangible shape to my idea of how my Master and I interact with each other. Yes, it was probably very predictable that he would turn out to be really Satan's son - I guess it was. Probably to anyone except myself - the version of myself in the story, that is. And yes, that's who he is, for real.
Symbols and signs, archetypes, reflections, synchronicities. I've struggled for years and years to understand; I could give a clear explanation now but it is not necessary to do so here, as it is for me to understand.
What I do brings about change - if done with true intent. This is why I write and do other things that I do.

This signed photograph I had ordered over two months ago, it was shipped from my home country and apparently got lost somehow, that's why it took this long, and I'm so grateful that it eventually arrived where it belongs. Not just because I paid over 80 € for this one (including shipping, that is), and it's worth every cent to me. It may have been coincidence that it first got lost - but I was told not to believe in such a thing. But true intent wins out against the forces that may have tried to cross us. It only emphasizes the meaning.

On Facebook there was another incident with another no-longer-my-friend who talked shit about witches. I got very furious about this. Insulting me is one thing, although not advisable either, but insulting my Master or my religion, it's a million times worse!
 It made me think though. In the first place my post had been about the sorry state about the very washed-out definition of the term witch of nowadays - it's much the same shameful thing that happened to the term Satanism, having been hijacked by idiots who don't even believe in Satan.

It had been about some Facebook group allegedly dealing with witchcraft, but in the group description expressly declaring Satanism and black magic unwelcome. It made me wonder what it might still have to do with witches then. I can't stand this bullshit, and I really despise the LaVeyan bullshit. Things used to be much more clear and simple in my Master's day: A witch is usually a Satanist, and a Satanist is very obviously a worshiper of the Devil. And that's the way it ought to be in my book.
I pointed out in my FB post that I'm not even a witch myself when taken in a strict sense - no, I wouldn't usually think of myself as a witch. Except in the widest (but not watered-down) definition I've heard, which states that any person who has willfully turned against God is a witch. According to this definition I'd be most definitely a witch, of course - since I'm most definitely a Satanist.

But as it is, times have changed a lot, and some retarded asshole not taking witches seriously and talking childish bullshit would have been the least of concerns some centuries ago.
The buzzing of flies is all it is!

But it got me to resolve that I ought to do more meaningful things myself. Now that the season is warmer, it's good to be in the woods during the night again - even if a Saturday night wasn't exactly the best choice and I was forced to seek a place further out than originally planned due to noise pollution from the nearby village.
But I found a perfect spot for a little ritual. Had to cross some little "swamp" and therefore had to take off my shoes, but it felt as if it had been planned for me that way. I had with me a black candle and my hunting knife, and everything was perfect. Walking barefoot in the nocturnal woods was beautiful. It was the third full moon night and I needed my small flash light only very sparingly. I can move about in the darkness very well indeed, and a single candle flame is perfectly good for me to read by - I heard for some people that seems to be problematic.

At fleamarket with undercut shaven clean, on May 20th.

In other news, I also bought an electric hair trimmer now for my undercut. It needs to be redone often; doing it with comb & scissors was a hassle; then I shaved it clean once with a disposable shaver but I didn't really care for the feeling - I felt like a cactus. LOL
So I bought the hair trimmer for 15 € and now I can keep it at the desired length - for now, for the summer. Come fall, I guess I'll need to grow it out a bit again due to the murderous German winter. It did feel really cold when shaven clean although it was May!

Then there were warmer days too.
Is she not a hulking warrior?!
A.M.S.G.!