Alignment

Someone on FB spoke about Saturnian energies prevalent at this time. I pay too little attention to these things to be able to tell, distractions in this day and age are manifold, many things to learn about, and so much exhausting work(out) to be done each day. But yes, I think I may be subconsciously very receptive to the Saturnian energies as well and may have been feeling them, in an emphasized attraction to death and darkness which have always slumbered deep at the roots of my being, even when I was a child, and long before I knew my Master - although he may quite possibly already have known me then.
An inexhaustible well of poison has always rested in those roots, so eager to invenomate the world; those roots of mine which could never find anything else to anchor to and thus grew all the way down into Hell.

Still I struggle with my ingrained scientific world view on the one hand and on the other with those trying to pass off some tame, benevolent and even humanitarian ideas for Satanism.
The former which torments me with doubts about the one and only relationship that matters in my life - the one and only relationship that has ever existed in my life, really - and the latter which only makes me need him the more since he is the one who holds the truth.
He and I are in alignment.

No, there's absolutely no such thing as "Satanic Rules" - that shit was made up by LaVey and his pseudos, none of which has anything remotely to do with Satanism. "Satanic" and "rules" are mutually exclusive, and most of those rules are as un-Satanic as can be. From the spiritual aspect, as a Satanist you can harm or kill whatever and whoever you please. "Don't harm little children"? My Master does that all the time. He did in the movie, he does in my stories. I thought about it, I wrote some earlier stories about him and he killed at least one child in nearly all of them. He did in DreamCycle, he did in The Grave Beyond All Graves. In the early Nightmares From the City of Dreams, short, early predecessor of The Touch of Evil, the killing of children was at least mentioned. I can't even tell exactly why, it's not my creation, it's how I perceive him.
Of course, the movie is still just a movie and never happened in exactly this way (which is something I intended to be mentioned in our conversations in the story but somehow couldn't find a place for it), but I believe it was in part perceived as a reflection from elsewhere, just like most things that take shape in this physical world.

Whenever I feel uncertain I turn to him and I see clearly, for he truly is the Messiah, certainly to me he is.
I've heard from others who have conversed with demons, and I could always only wonder how they're able to do it. But I talk to my Master, in ways that may be both crude and inappropriate, but I have the need to do it. As I said, the one and only kind of relationship that has ever existed in my life, besides a few friendships that were most often short-lived and the few that have lasted are nearly exclusively online and mostly very long distance. All day long, excluding occasional online chats, I usually have no one else to talk to anyway.

A while ago someone posted a meme on FB saying that, since knowledge is power, the more you know about a person the more power it gives you over them. It's straightforward and for this reason I've often been hesitant about what to post here, but since I hardly ever get any feedback at all I guess it's safe to assume no one cares anyway, and so I'm continuing to leave my "graffiti on the fabric of spacetime". There's no one around me anyway who might want to use such knowledge about my person. There's only my Master in my life.

And there's also the needs I shouldn't even have at all. All my love and adoration for him, while perfectly justified, is certainly most inappropriate as well. Not only because he's Satan's son - and just imagine some Christian person having such kind of feelings and fantasies about Jesus Christ as I related them in my story. Makes me really wonder now if there are such people... Among over 7 billion, there probably ought to be some. There have been a whole bunch believing they actually are Jesus Christ (although that's usually not a sane thing to believe), so there probably ought to be a whole bunch as well who are inappropriately in love with their savior... I'd really be curious to know.
Well, that aside, in my case my feelings are very inappropriate for a very different reason still - the reason that I shouldn't have them at all, not for anyone, not even for my Master, at least not in these all too human ways such as displayed in the story. Because emotions are weakness and therefore I've always despised them.

Due to my then horrible circumstances I used to suffer from severe depression in the past. With Father Satan's help I eventually managed to extricate myself from those dire circumstances and to transform my body into something acceptable, at least for human standards. I managed to harden not only my body but also my heart in the process, but only to some extent.
Even when something really upsets me so much that I feel earlier in my life I'd have cried about it, I now find that I couldn't do it anymore even if I wanted. I've become too hard to ever cry, and that's a good thing.
But still it's far from good enough, with my fucking emotions just as with my body. No matter how hard I work out and how strong I become, a human body is still a pathetic, wimpy, squishy thing. Just take a look at Bestgore and you see them smeared on the road all the time. When a truck or tank rolls over you it doesn't matter how "strong" you are. That's why I'd prefer to be the tank...
Yeah right, then you have anti-tank artillery. Nothing is indestructible in this world. I wish I was invincible though.

In my life I only ever kissed another girl when I was about 15 or 16. She was 17, and it was merely out of curiosity, from both sides I guess. Males were always out of the question to me - I guess I'd honestly have barfed - but even with this girl I actually found it pretty repulsive and didn't really get it what people find about that. And ever since I've never kissed anyone again, let alone a person I truly cared for, because I never cared for anyone.
Quote from my story: "I had always been alone, had never before been this close to another person, let alone to a person I truly cared for - as I had never cared for anyone but him."
This is the absolute truth - I've never been this close to anyone, neither physically nor emotionally. At least not in physical, waking life. I've lived in this story though. And a million variations of it and other ones in my mind.

I know he would have no use for this. It's me who is a f'ing wimpy loser, plagued with human emotions. He is so far above all this.
And yet it's better to have all such emotion focused entirely on someone who is worthy... well, even far beyond worthy, obviously. At least this I can say for myself, and I fully own the absolute epitome of arrogance in it: No mere mortal could ever be worthy of my love; yes, I have the brazen arrogance to fall in love only with Satan's son.

Is this really who he is? I can't tell for sure but it seems to make sense in metaphor only, but he surely is of Satan. Of the true Satan - the Lord whose only law is Lawlessness, the Adversary, Enemy of God and Man, the Destroyer of Worlds. Highest praise be to Satan, with each breath that I take, every beat of my cold black heart!
A.M.S.G.