First of all, there seems to be urgent need to clarify the identity of my Master.
It should be clear as day to anyone who followed my writings to any extent at all, or read at least one of my stories - yet still there are people who mistakenly think I'm speaking of Satan when I say "my Master."
For one, why would I do that? Why wouldn't I say "Satan" when speaking of Satan?! Yes, occasionally I say "the (my/our) Infernal Father". But I have never ever referred to Him as "my Master" - for one because I feel a master usually refers to a human person (e.g. a martial arts master, a master of magick or of any other art or science) and not to a god, and also because to me the term has been for so long firmly associated with this one specific person who is my spirit companion.
Yes, I do know him as the son of Satan - not Satan Himself, but His son.
So in case this really needs repeating, after having written about him for all these years (and years...).
If this should have been still unclear, please refer to this movie.
And no, I'm absolutely not talking about the actor either - it's neither about the actor nor about Satan Himself, but the person portrayed in the movie. Yes, unbeknownst to anyone involved in the making of the movie at the time*, this character is based on a real person who did live in the 17th century, and who was in fact a witch and a Satanist.
(*Someone might have caught on to it in the meantime, who knows.)
I lived at that same time too, although I have no memory of it. I learned about it only recently through a dear friend who is a medium, and it is through her that I also for the first time, after all these years, learned my Master's name. Yet I've become so accustomed to calling him simply my Master, which I find to be perfectly appropriate, and it also tells volumes about the nature of our relationship. Let's face it, I know nothing much, and sadly I seem to be as untalented as can be when it comes to magick and psychic abilities, more often than not I can't even recall my dreams.
The storyline of the movie is obviously fictional - no time travel or anything.
And is my Master really the son of Satan? I think he is, even if for the most part in a symbolic way, and any other way wouldn't really be conceivable since Satan is a deity and, unlike humans and other animals, not some biological organism.
It's totally beyond me how anyone could have missed it that my feelings for my Master, so often laid open in my stories and writings here as well as in posts of Facebook, would be utterly inappropriate and even blasphemous to hold for a deity. And in fact even having them for my Master, who is (or was) a human being, I felt guilty for years because I wasn't sure if he might feel offended by them, by my fantasizing about him as displayed in the stories I wrote about him and me.
I couldn't help thinking how much it would disgust me if someone else - anyone else but him, the one I belong to - had such feelings or fantasies about myself. Admittedly, certainly much more so than it would most people, since I happen to be asexual, obviously a virgin, and very much repulsed by the idea of sexuality - the latter which was never explicitly involved in my fantasies until rather recently - until I had him rape me in the latest one of my stories, the one I wrote very shortly before getting to know my psychic friend who would then talk to my Master for me and find out his identity for me, and also his feelings for me. Thus it turns out those fantasies (and the stories?) were never of my making alone.
And while I'm very happy about these latest developments, especially the bonding ritual between my Master and me which we performed with the help and instruction of my friend from Ireland, I must admit that after my initial joy about it I now still often feel depressed again about my lack of psychic ability and therefore lack of progress in communicating with my Master on my own.
Despite this I talk to him every day, all the time - and most of the time I have no one else to talk to anyway. My Master is all and everything to me, he is all that matters, and my only reason to carry on with my life.
By the way, I remember how a few entries back, talking about the appropriateness-or-not of my feelings for him, I was musing whether or not someone else might have similar feelings for the son of God. I didn't consider this an important question and never pursued it, yet still it has been unexpectedly answered in the meantime. I got invited to join a group for people in a spiritual relationship - that is, a relationship to a person in the Beyond - and in this group there's this girl who is in fact in a relationship with Jesus. And unlike myself she doesn't appear to be troubled with doubts about the appropriateness-or-not of her feelings to "the Savior of mankind" (her words), and she even admitted that, also unlike myself, she "likes sex".
When I talked about this to my best friend who also is a Satanist, my friend suggested that this lady's partner might be only one of those guys who are convinced they are Jesus Christ, and admittedly there are plenty of those.
Personally I don't believe one way or the other, as this is something I simply can't know, and I believe you shouldn't "make up your mind" about things you can't really know, especially if they don't really concern you. People do that too much. I understand the craving for certainty, and the agony in the lack thereof - but the latter is really only in those things that you know you'll have to face for yourself, such as the transition from this life to the world beyond and into eternity.
But you should not concern yourself too much with other people's truth. We each have our path. This other girl is the companion of the son of God, and I'm the companion of the son of Satan. Yet she and I are not enemies, we agree to just have very different paths, and I think that's mutual. She talked about her relationship and views in a video and repeatedly referred to me as "the Satanist", and then even apologized for doing so instead of using my name. But I'm perfectly cool with that, because yes, I am a Satanist. But it doesn't mean I hate everyone whose path is different, because... just listen to one minute of this. I came across it by chance the other day. At about minute 1:01:30, this guy states it exactly as it is: We don't know what life is, we don't know what consciousness is, what "reality" is... we don't know what this is that we're in!
Personally, I only had to make up my mind about one thing, and this I've done so long ago. I didn't hesitate for a split second when my friend told me the bonding ritual with my Master would be irrevocable, even though she told me this only moments before we were to perform it. Because all my life I've been searching for him and longing for him, and I know that I want to be his own forever - not for this ephemeral life only but truly forever. Because there are no words for how infinitely I love my Master.
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