Dress rehearsal... of sorts

I'm dead to the world - a little bit more now than I've already been usually.
I rode to a fleamarket today, one of the last times before the long, dead winter months - technically that was yesterday as it's nearly 3 AM now and I can't sleep once more. I always used to think of night time as "in between yesterday and tomorrow", but without a "today": October 9th was yesterday, October 10th will be by morning; right now it's "in between days".
My bouts of insomnia happen about every other night and usually I don't get up but just keep lying around for some hours. But maybe it's time to change a few things; fortunately I can sleep or wake at any time I like, and even my gym is open 24/7, so I could go there right now.
I didn't talk to anyone all day, just like on most days. Except when praying to Satan and when talking a bit to myself, the latter I think is done by most people who spend most of their time alone.

The reason I'm more dead to the world than usual is because I just deactivated my Facebook account. All of a sudden FB wouldn't let me use my name anymore, I couldn't log in anymore without changing it, nor could I change it in any useful manner. When I first registered there, about 5 years ago, I tried to use Diana the Warrior just like here but it didn't work (wouldn't be "approved"), so I settled for my alternative name, Gladiatrix Satanae, which is Latin for "she-warrior of Satan".
(Technically, gladiator/gladiatrix means "sword fighter", there's another more general Latin word for warrior, bellatrix, but I find it unfortunate for a name because "bella" also means beauty in Italian and some people might confuse the meaning there, and calling oneself beautiful would be the most ridiculous and embarrassing thing; it's something done by the sort of people who wear dresses and makeup, not warriors!)
When forced to change the name I tried "Diana Satanswarrior" but that didn't work either; I was about to give up but then it turned out when I changed only the first name I could log in again. Now that gives "Diana Satanae", which makes little sense. It's "Diana of Satan", but the warrior part is missing and it sounds quite ill matched. And anyway, what's a "real" name? Diana is not my real name, it's a name given to me by the hoe that once shat me into this world and the memory of whom contributes quite a good deal to my insomnia and bad dreams.
I never really liked the name, especially for the horrible shit the Germans make of it, they pronounce it more like the -diana part in "Indiana", but more German sounding: "dee - ahna", with a very long "ah" sound in the middle, it sounds very, very ugly and I often have to correct the same person several times in a row which gets extremely tiresome.

I don't have any name more real than Gladiatrix Satanae, or Satan's Warrior, because that's what I am. I'm a warrior and belonging to Satan; furthermore I don't know who or what I am. I'm glad I know at least this much, and life is a quest of finding it out.

Being more dead to the world... being off Facebook is like a dress rehearsal for my actual death, of sorts. A good exercise, I guess. I said so often that I meant to update this blog more often and it's in fact a more reasonable place to put my thoughts, even if no one reads it. I have practically no contacts outside of Facebook. Will anyone miss me? I highly doubt it. Will anyone try to contact me by other ways? Even much more doubtful. But who cares - I'm here for Satan and for myself, and there's no one else to ever rely on. I never really needed anyone else, and no one ever needed me, and at least in this regard I'm fortunately truly free, unbound by anyone or anything, free to move on whenever it should happen.
Needing to breathe, to eat and drink, to sleep, are obligations enough. I've never really been of this world and can't relate to the pleasure most people seem to find in it. I am truly alien to it,and still I don't know why, or how I ended up here although I don't belong.
The quest continues.