...but this time literally.
This morning an electrician was here to finally fix the fuse that blew a week ago quite out of the blue around 5:30 Thursday morning while I, having just woken for the day, was still sitting in bed and writing down a dream. I had suddenly heard a loud bang from the corridor outside my room and had wondered if something had suddenly fallen over. When I went to the bathroom a little while later and tried to switch on the light I found that it didn't work - which in fact made me wonder if I was dreaming.
Not this time though... I tried the corridor light, which didn't work either, and quickly determined I should check the fuse. It had indeed switched itself off, but my futile attempt to put it back in "on" position only resulted in sparks and a burnt smell.
It wasn't too much of a problem though since, oddly enough, my combined living/bedroom, where my PC is, wasn't affected but only the remaining parts of my apartment - corridor, bathroom, and kitchen, and in those only the light and wall sockets. Both the warm water and my stove continually worked, so I could continually wash my laundry and cook lunch; since it's still summer I don't really need the light much, usually only the one by my bedside, and I rarely use any other electric appliances in the kitchen - bathroom and corridor don't have any sockets anyway.
So the electrician checked everything and already found it odd that the fuse had, as I told him, blown out of the blue while no light or appliances were in use in the affected rooms. He asked me if I was sure I hadn't possibly forgotten to switch off a light overnight, but I told him I'm 100% sure since it's not even quite dark yet when I go to bed these days, and when I need to use the bathroom during the night I habitually never switch the light on since I often have trouble falling asleep again and I know light would aggravate this problem.
The electrician checked various wire connections, not only in the fuse box but also inside the wall, and got it all working again. When he checked the wiring with some meters he said the readings were fabulous, good enough even to be more than acceptable for a newly constructed building, and that to him this situation was somewhat dissatisfactory as he couldn't determine what had caused the problem.
He was friendly and so told him I see things in a different way and don't mind when certain mysteries sometimes remain unexplained. I related how I had this severe affliction of my eyes several years ago, a corneal dystrophy, which would cause me attacks of excruciating pain with my eyes watering profusely but which would last only up to a half hour - what was far worse than the pain though was that afterward I would invariably have seriously impaired vision. These attacks increased in frequency and so did the visual impairment; during the worst time the attacks were daily and the impairment continual and so severe that I was unable to read the license plate of a car from just about 10 feet away. I was sent by the eye doctor to the university hospital but no one could really help me, and (this part I omitted to tell) I was very seriously considering suicide. But then after several months the condition subsided as suddenly as it had set on. I'll probably never know what had caused it to start nor to go away, and in simply being immensely grateful that it's gone and that my vision is back to perfectly normal, I feel no need to know the causes.
I didn't philosophize any further about this with the electrician, but to myself I thought, maybe this is how my own mindset is distinguished from that of the materialists. I certainly have a very strong natural curiosity - but would you really be ready to die to learn a secret? And not only die but abandon any life you could ever possibly have had? What secret could be more important to you than your own existence?!
But as it appears, it may be this important to them, even though this secret is not even a truth but a mere conjecture, a delusion fervently clung to because not-knowing would be so utterly unacceptable. As Daniel Dennett said, not-knowing would be like "giving up". And giving up their own existence instead apparently doesn't mean so much.
To me, my own existence is everything, because from my own point of view, nothing else would exist without me - that is, nothing that I could possibly experience or know about, and what I cannot experience or know about is from my point of view non-existent. Therefore, from my own perspective I am truly "God". I AM. I am the one, the only one, who makes knowing and experiencing and existing possible for myself. Without myself it would be impossible for me to know or experience or exist.
And since my existence is so above-all-else important to me, I accept that I don't know how I came into existence, and what I truly am deep inside, or outside - outside of my body - and how it is that my existence will continue beyond the expiration of my body, because that I will in fact continue to exist is so infinitely much more important than knowing how it can be.
There is, however, reason to believe (perhaps rather intuition than reason?) that this physical life is a very crucial stage of development. I've heard claims that people (souls) no longer develop after their bodily death. Whether or not this is true - I think it's always opportune to give the best you can while you can. And after all, belief does matter - in fact, in the realms I'm trying to experience more consciously, in dreams, it can make all the difference!
Still no progress really, neither regarding lucidity nor have I been able to accomplish the dream incubation assignment yet - the nuke test, remember. But at least I've seen my Master again. I only wish I could see him being all of his true self, without consideration of stupid little me in my stupid little dream world... I hope so much we can expand this world very soon.
Not this time though... I tried the corridor light, which didn't work either, and quickly determined I should check the fuse. It had indeed switched itself off, but my futile attempt to put it back in "on" position only resulted in sparks and a burnt smell.
It wasn't too much of a problem though since, oddly enough, my combined living/bedroom, where my PC is, wasn't affected but only the remaining parts of my apartment - corridor, bathroom, and kitchen, and in those only the light and wall sockets. Both the warm water and my stove continually worked, so I could continually wash my laundry and cook lunch; since it's still summer I don't really need the light much, usually only the one by my bedside, and I rarely use any other electric appliances in the kitchen - bathroom and corridor don't have any sockets anyway.
So the electrician checked everything and already found it odd that the fuse had, as I told him, blown out of the blue while no light or appliances were in use in the affected rooms. He asked me if I was sure I hadn't possibly forgotten to switch off a light overnight, but I told him I'm 100% sure since it's not even quite dark yet when I go to bed these days, and when I need to use the bathroom during the night I habitually never switch the light on since I often have trouble falling asleep again and I know light would aggravate this problem.
The electrician checked various wire connections, not only in the fuse box but also inside the wall, and got it all working again. When he checked the wiring with some meters he said the readings were fabulous, good enough even to be more than acceptable for a newly constructed building, and that to him this situation was somewhat dissatisfactory as he couldn't determine what had caused the problem.
He was friendly and so told him I see things in a different way and don't mind when certain mysteries sometimes remain unexplained. I related how I had this severe affliction of my eyes several years ago, a corneal dystrophy, which would cause me attacks of excruciating pain with my eyes watering profusely but which would last only up to a half hour - what was far worse than the pain though was that afterward I would invariably have seriously impaired vision. These attacks increased in frequency and so did the visual impairment; during the worst time the attacks were daily and the impairment continual and so severe that I was unable to read the license plate of a car from just about 10 feet away. I was sent by the eye doctor to the university hospital but no one could really help me, and (this part I omitted to tell) I was very seriously considering suicide. But then after several months the condition subsided as suddenly as it had set on. I'll probably never know what had caused it to start nor to go away, and in simply being immensely grateful that it's gone and that my vision is back to perfectly normal, I feel no need to know the causes.
I didn't philosophize any further about this with the electrician, but to myself I thought, maybe this is how my own mindset is distinguished from that of the materialists. I certainly have a very strong natural curiosity - but would you really be ready to die to learn a secret? And not only die but abandon any life you could ever possibly have had? What secret could be more important to you than your own existence?!
But as it appears, it may be this important to them, even though this secret is not even a truth but a mere conjecture, a delusion fervently clung to because not-knowing would be so utterly unacceptable. As Daniel Dennett said, not-knowing would be like "giving up". And giving up their own existence instead apparently doesn't mean so much.
To me, my own existence is everything, because from my own point of view, nothing else would exist without me - that is, nothing that I could possibly experience or know about, and what I cannot experience or know about is from my point of view non-existent. Therefore, from my own perspective I am truly "God". I AM. I am the one, the only one, who makes knowing and experiencing and existing possible for myself. Without myself it would be impossible for me to know or experience or exist.
And since my existence is so above-all-else important to me, I accept that I don't know how I came into existence, and what I truly am deep inside, or outside - outside of my body - and how it is that my existence will continue beyond the expiration of my body, because that I will in fact continue to exist is so infinitely much more important than knowing how it can be.
There is, however, reason to believe (perhaps rather intuition than reason?) that this physical life is a very crucial stage of development. I've heard claims that people (souls) no longer develop after their bodily death. Whether or not this is true - I think it's always opportune to give the best you can while you can. And after all, belief does matter - in fact, in the realms I'm trying to experience more consciously, in dreams, it can make all the difference!
Still no progress really, neither regarding lucidity nor have I been able to accomplish the dream incubation assignment yet - the nuke test, remember. But at least I've seen my Master again. I only wish I could see him being all of his true self, without consideration of stupid little me in my stupid little dream world... I hope so much we can expand this world very soon.
***
Also... here's sunset views from my balcony,and the "super moon" too.
Also... here's sunset views from my balcony,and the "super moon" too.
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