At least it has all the appearance of it. When I posted the previous entry about the near-accident, which left me so elated for having been saved, I didn't yet know what disastrous news I was still in for that same night.
I probably should still be grateful to have been spared much worse disaster, as in physical harm. But that same night, something anticipated each waking hour for precisely three months and one day was taken away and utterly destroyed. Something that had been meant for me, that I still believe my Master had meant for me, and I couldn't understand how it could be that it was simply taken away now.
But I guess it's just because humans have free will and, like most, those involved in this matter are greedy, ignorant scum, ignorant of any deeper significance in anything and merely interested in their own profit.
As a matter of fact I lost a huge amount of money to this matter as well, at least a huge amount for someone like me, which I'm unlikely to regain a single penny of. But although I'm anything but wealthy, the financial one is the least significant aspect of my loss.
I hate to admit that when suffering a really hard blow I'm prone to falling into a bottomless depression out of which I have no idea how to ever emerge again.
Someone in one of the gore groups posted a video of a guy, presumably on drugs, who kept repeatedly headbutting a bus, really hard, but needless to say the bus ignored the provocation.
Somehow I feel a bit like that guy, for dwelling on it, for being desperate to talk to someone about it, when there's nothing further to be said about it and the only person I should really talk to is my Master. Which I do, of course, but I wish I had the knowledge and ability to do it in a way as to truly converse with him.
Instead, I'm running. Not just literally, for workout. I spontaneously decided to travel once more although I can barely afford it, especially now. But I decided it was better in the short term, and less final, than considering to leave this place of trial for good. The weather right now is quite favorable for the late season and so I decided to grab the opportunity. I asked my Master to look out for me though as I'm in a really fucked-up state of mind right now.
As always, it is with him, with Satan's son, that I find my only comfort.
I'll probably start writing another story soon; they're for me to have something to really live in.
All these stories are open ended. Why? Because what comes after is entirely up to him; what comes after is entirely unknown to me or to any mere mortal. Because unlike in the movie, there will be a happy end, there will be victory. It's my stories, after all.
Visions of Apocalypse give me solace. Why would someone want to perpetuate all this trial and suffering here! I sure wouldn't mind if our President and Little Rocket Man of North Korea could work something out together to end it all... If it were that easy. Some people seem to be so naive to believe that.
But Hiroshima and Nagasaki didn't exactly end the world, obviously, and even though they're said to have been mere firecrackers compared to modern nukes, which can be thousands of times more powerful, a lot of those have been tested in the past, and even the most powerful of all, the 50 megaton Tsar Bomba, produced a mushroom cloud of 40 miles high and spread quite a bit of fallout, but didn't cause any long term damage at all.
I find solace in the darkest art and poetry. I'd have wished to perform some of my own on cam, and also to record some dancing for my sharky girl, my best friend, who told me she'd really love to see it. But sadly, although I did manage to install my webcam again I can't use it because every time I try all I get is a blue screen and my PC will crash. And so I'm reduced to writing.
Where will you run to when you have no place left to run, when all around is on fire?
When right through the flames is the only way left. You must keep running, running - seek the darkness, the darkness is shelter!
Roba El Khaliyeh, known as the Empty Space, that immense desolation.
Roba El Khaliyeh is where I live. (Only a lot colder.)
Oh, and have an Infernally blessed Friday the 13th, everyone!
It's considered unlucky by Christians because JC was crucified on a Friday the 13th, so they say.
Lucky and sacred to Satanists, thus. I had a little good luck in that when I bought a sixpack of coke at the supermarket I later discovered I was charged for a sixpack of water instead, which costs 19 cents a bottle instead of 39. LOL
I was also lucky in still getting a hostel bed and a train ride for Sunday.
Other than that, I still feel much like it's me who has been crucified right now.
But that was three days ago - actually time to rise again... ;)
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