The Guardian of the Gateway

On Good (Evil) Friday I had a bit of a ball as is proper, although I didn't dance as I should have - I remembered only later having read that explicitly public dancing on this day had been prohibited which is quite hilarious and reason enough to do it with a vengeance. Instead I listened to my favorite Good Friday song which is about the resurrection of Christ     (although in an alternate version here wandering around without his head), had two nice chicken steaks, and later some red wine while watching my certain sacred movie   once more.

On Saturday I went to this year's first big flea market, which is always a happy occasion when the season starts again, and I also met some friends there again. On the way home I still had to pass by at a bookstore because unfortunately I had to return the "Journey to Ixtlan" by Carlos Castaneda although I love the book - but after page 208 it suddenly ceased to make sense, which was no wonder because the next page had the number 177. All the pages up to 208 repeated and then it continued at 245. I was lucky to have ordered this one at the store because they readily took it back upon seeing this major defect and even returned the money to me for now. They re-ordered it for me too, but of course it's going to take a while again, I expect at least 2 or 3 weeks, so I'll have to read something else in the meantime.

The rest of the weekend was jut business as usual and I used the time (besides workout) for cleaning and hunting down all the Easter dust bunnies.

I'm getting a lot out of Castaneda's books and the teachings of the wise Indian shaman don Juan Matus, as I am also walking the Path of the Warrior - in so many ways. Most people doing sports like me are very different, which is probably why I've never made close friends with any of them. I think the main reason is that, like don Juan, I've always more or less lived in the presence of death. Don Juan says, Death is an adviser, reminding us that our time here is indeed very brief and that whatever we do we should it count. This is what I try to do best as I can, also when doing my workouts.
Death is who I will do battle with, but I've never seen Death as the enemy. I see Death as the guardian of the gateway to the next world, a world we can know nothing about, and the nature of which may well depend on how we have fared in this life. Death is the professor who will take your final exam, in a way, and determine what your next world will be, as there may be many. I accept that it is unknown but which means there are infinite possibilities.

Why is it that people can't see that what is unknown amounts to so tremendously much more than the tiny fraction of what is known?!

Death and the unknown are what most people don't want to think about though. But how can you move forward in life if you always stick with the known only and deny the inevitability of future transcendence? The answer is, not at all - you just won't move forward then. But apparently most people prefer this stagnation, out of fear and despair. I have been through fear and especially despair, but for very different reasons - I've despaired over the meaningless and less than mediocre existence they once offered me for a "life" and which they tried to make believe was the only possible way - when it was an absolutely impossible way.

And while I struggled to break free I would for years set all my hope in Death. I tried to force the guardian to open the gate for me to be free from this unacceptable existence. But I had not passed the assignment of this world, I couldn't leave yet... Those initial battles I had to go through were exceedingly grim, but eventually I would finally grow stronger and choose my own battles.
This world is so very much more than they tried to make believe... but they still keep trying.