I was at the bus station downtown with a friend, talking to her about a surgery I required and that the doctor had told me I'd have to do it myself - which is a very weird suggestion from a doctor, but in the dream it was apparently what things had come to. My friend was very concerned and troubled about this, more so than I was although I was aware I'd have no anesthesia but I was determined to do it anyway.
Then later I was at home, at some home that is - mine, my friend's, or did we live together? It looked different from my waking home, and my friend was there and showed me a baby doll with curly,brown hair she had bought which she was very fond of and remarked how cute it was, something I couldn't quite relate to and so I said nothing much. Then my friend left the apartment - and my mother was coming. What the f*** did she want here?! (In waking life we've been out of contact for more than seven years now and I'm very grateful to keep it this way.)
My mother didn't even look at me once but walked to a table to open a letter; it was something like a police report, stating how I had attempted to perform a surgery on myself and had apparently bled to death.
So I had died? Ok... but I still felt my mother had no business being here, and so I started to attack her physically - except for the fact that I was not physical. She couldn't even see me but she sensed that something was attacking her; she seemed to get scared and left the apartment, and I followed her down the hallway and out into the street.
It was a rather wide, downtown street with lots of car traffic and streetcar rails, and I tried to push her onto the road. She stated firmly, but unconvincingly, that she was not afraid - I think she even did it in English, which meant she knew who she was dealing with... which admittedly wasn't hard to guess, of course,having just learned of her daughter's death and right then having some non-physical force or being attacking her.
I thought, "not afraid, my ass..." I knew her better than this; she had never been that mentally imperturbable but quite in the contrary, she had been addicted first to Valium and later a (supposedly less addictive) substitute because else she would get panic attacks, even for no reason at all - without any non-physical beings ever attacking her (for all I know)...
And there was a whole lot of traffic in this street. But for now I wouldn't bother, at least she was no longer in my home without being invited, and I'd have better things to do now.
I flew up high above the street, thinking with elation, "Now I can always do this!" Meaning, not only in dreaming...
I looked down at some of those old streetcars going, the beige ones with the high steps I remember from my childhood and which looked so nice. Then I came to a park-like area but which also had some tall buildings around, and tall trees too. I was still in the same city (Bonn?), there were people in the streets, and there were also some up on the roofs and outsides of the buildings, and some were even flying like me. So there were both living and dead people around here, because all those up in the air and on the roofs must be dead just like I was, and the living certainly couldn't see us. But I could see either, living or dead, it was just that I couldn't distinguish between them unless I saw them flying.
All of the latter around the park here looked very young, flocking together on roofs or rafters just like groups of teenagers sitting on a stairway after school.
Myself I sat alone, on the corner of some roof. I wore some black, Gothic looking outfit. Then suddenly a man approached me from my left, from midair, he was dark and stout, wearing somewhat grubby clothes, and much older looking that most other people here, like around 40 years. He said nothing but tried to molest me, trying to touch my lips with his finger - his hands large, very manly, and repulsive. I angrily grabbed his finger and hand with both of mine and broke his finger clean off, throwing it down to the ground deep below us. The man hardly reacted but stayed by my side, suspended in midair, just staring at me. Since he wouldn't go away I proceeded to break off another of his fingers, and then I grabbed his forearm and broke off his whole hand, throwing it away. The man seemed utterly uncomprehending of what I was doing to him, continually regarding me with a black stare like a zombie.
Then suddenly, a stern voice from behind me and to my right told me, "Stop wasting your time with this thing." It was a most familiar voice which I instantly recognized...
I turned around and faced my Master. I was so happy to see him - him I had been searching and waiting for, all along!
And that zombie man to my left was instantly gone, simply disappeared.
My Master had settled down close beside me, and I was just happy. I'd have to learn how to navigate in this new world,but I was in the most competent hands now; from my Master I could learn anything I might ever need to know. But even that could wait... for now, all I wanted was to be near him, forever... but I had just another brief moment, then I woke up.
No comments:
Post a Comment