On the way home from the gym today I stopped by a supermarket to buy some groceries, where I had a nasty encounter. At first it seemed innocent enough: A girl a bit younger than myself approached me and shyly asked if she might ask me a question. I said sure, and she explained that she and her friends, two other teenage girls who had stayed behind, would like some drinks and if I could buy them some vodka since all of them were minors. Although taken by surprise I soon agreed - I used to drink myself as a teenager, in fact I did it as young as twelve.
But then she went over to her friends and announced that "he's gonna do it." WTF?!!
I immediately called her out on that one, of course - "Did you just say he?!"
The black girl who had first talked to me apologized - but the blonde one started giggling!
I scolded her that there's nothing funny about this - no idea WTF they thought, it's summer and I was wearing flip flops, painted toe nails, painted long fingernails, and just a t-shirt and tight leggings, the latter certainly making it impossible to hide anything if there were anything! And most importantly, I most certainly didn't wear any mask over my face!!!
So I angrily told them that I'm just coming from the gym, working out every f'ing day, and certainly not for shit 'n giggles! (Well, in fact it's more like 5 times a week only, but if you count riding the bike it is every day.)
And that if they're ok with being physically inferior it's their thing; I told them that I hate men and that I'm glad I can wipe out any man if I have to, and it was fucking hard work to finally get to this point!
And that's true, at least in a sexual sense it certainly is, I do hate men. That's why I said I ain't no woman - but sure as Hell I ain't no fucking man either!!!
I hate this life. No, not really my own, not if I could live it the way it ought to be - away from all this crap, away from this fucking world! I sure wouldn't ever want anyone else's life; I sure wouldn't ever want to be a woman - but even much less a man!!!
Oh, needless to say, of course I didn't buy anything for the other girls after that.
I hate this life, and I hate humans, they're disgusting creatures that gross me out, and that's why the only way I like to look at them is with their guts & brains spilled out on the pavement, or slitting one another's throats.
And if any one of these vile creatures should ever try to touch me I'm more than ready to maim and to mutilate and kill!
Fortunately no one would try nowadays, because I'm a monster.
But what more do I still need to do to clearly show that this is what I am, and not get mistaken for some wimpy ass piece of shit that can be lightly had fun with?!
It pissed me off that I'd been struggling again with the 100 kg bench press earlier today. That I still can't do a clean rep with that weight, bar touching the chest and feet staying on the floor.
It always pisses me off seeing guys there that are taller and evidently heavier muscled than myself. I'm barely 5'10 and 170 lbs and I wish I was much taller, and even more I wish I was a helluva lot stronger than I am - a damn helluva lot!!!
So on one hand I used to be told, "You need to accept that you're a girl, that you can't be as strong as a man," - YES I CAN, AND EVEN MUCH STRONGER, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!!!! - and on the other I get mistaken for a fucking man myself now - just BECAUSE I'm strong?!
Why would I paint my nails and wear leggings if I wanted to be a fucking man!
It's already an insult to tell me, "You're really strong... for a woman!"
Some idiot at the gym once did that, meant as a misguided compliment. At first it was a compliment - before he added the latter part and turned it 180° into an insult: So I'm only strong considering the fact that I actually suffer from a disability - of being female.
That's in fact the way I used to see it throughout my unspeakably miserable teenage, because disability was how it manifested itself. The inability to be a true athlete and a warrior. A decade on the verge of suicide, until I got my hands on testosterone which finally enabled me to have an actual life.
And now this!!!
And most of all I hate and curse the one responsible for it all - the pathetic tyrant god who created this hideous ape species "in his image"!
I curse you, Jehovah, as I have cursed you throughout most of my life, and I loathe the slimy abomination you created called humankind!
I hate your fucking guts if you even have any; I know you hate me as well but I sure hate you more than you ever could - than anyone ever could!!!
I curse you, Jehovah, and I curse your slimy bastard spawn Jesus Christ, and I curse and forever banish the Holy Spirit!
I curse and banish the Holy Trinity and I'll purge and exterminate all you slime abomination from this existence - from mine for sure, and ultimately from all of existence!
Hate this, you motherfucker!
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