10,000 mile stare

Day off workout, so I rode to the woods for a bit as it might always be the last time  these days before the winter hits for good. It was forecast to be nearly 60 F one last time, but it was very windy and felt more like 40s. Especially after lying down on a steep slope next to a tall pine tree for a little while to find comfort out in nature, although unable to avoid thinking about recent events over and over, still picking up the pieces.
But also, as usual, pondering how anyone can actually believe that the entire natural world is nothing but a hollow facade, meaningless and basically dead, with absolutely nothing beyond.
After about half an hour I was terribly cold, so I took my bike to leave and still buy some groceries on the way home. I was wearing only fingerless gloves, the metal studded, black leather ones, and my fingers felt totally frozen. But not only this. For some reason it was only the index and middle finger of my right hand which felt completely numb and looked shockingly white and bloodless - but so I know for sure now that, as already suspected long since, I have indeed Raynaud's disease. Needless to say, this is what makes German winters at least doubly brutal for me. Some idiots have been making fun of me for always being cold.

Back at home and at my PC, I found some interesting articles regarding my main field of interest and study, consciousness.
The first one starts with what I personally consider almost an "old hat", explaining the double slit experiment and its implications, including the "delayed choice" version of the experiment. I'm also familiar with Roger Penrose's books "The Emperor's New Mind" and "Shadows of the Mind", both of which I own. Btw, that's a cool photo of him on the spiral stairway.
But then, some new and to me heretofore unknown ideas are introduced, regarding the nuclear spins of phosphorus and lithium atoms.

The second article explores the idea that The Universe May Be Conscious, as well as various different views ranging from materialism to panpsychism. I was familiar with famous and brilliant John A. Wheeler having coined the term black holes (which, hilariously, was initially rejected for sounding "obscene"), but that he apparently also spoke of a "proto-consciousness field" was unknown to me. - Proto-consciousness! A perfect term to describe what I had so far lacked a useful term for. As when saying, "I believe everything in the universe is consciousness, although much of it not having awakened yet - thus unconscious." But "unconscious consciousness" sounds retarded... LOL. Proto-consciousness is heaps better!
Also explored is the idea that stars might be conscious, which I first heard from Rupert Sheldrake in his book "The Science Delusion" (also in my collection).
This article also ends with Sir Roger Penrose and a video of him.

After this I still found several videos on the subject of AI and the possible threat it may pose, which is quite interesting. And also a philosophical monologue making brilliant arguments as to why the view of materialism ought to be abandoned - without making a case in favor of religion!
Having ranted here in various earlier blog entries about how there usually is only the clash of these two extremes, materialism on one side and traditional religion on the other, I really welcome the much more balanced point of view stated in this video.

Balance... everything seems to be hanging in the balance lately. Strange things arising, then coming crashing down on me. It is said if you use magic but then disbelieve in it, you will lose everything you had previously gained through it. Is this what happened? Through the habitual way of thinking - biased toward science, cold logic, probabilities...?
I know a few things about wording when doing rituals, but maybe not enough. My approach is naive and pretty clueless, and so I get crazy results.
("Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"?!) LOL
But for all that happened, I'm more convinced than ever that I'm right - it's not a hollow facade with only the semblance of life in it.

The irony of how some conscious beings can deem consciousness to be an illusion!

In some strange way it's all... not really so bad. I know well things could be much worse, I'm still being protected. That I have this particular, dark temperament, a propensity for depression, is all. It can in some circumstances be really tough to handle, but it also makes me who I am.

Can you do the 10,000 mile stare straight into the Abyss?
I do it all the time, yet no one but the Abyss sees me doing it.