The story to end all stories

Cut was on the side of the pinky, healed now.

Cleaned house today as it's been my turn again this week - for the hallway, that is - including my own apartment and the blood stains by my altar table, still left from the Solstice ritual. Just over two weeks, the cut is mostly healed but still visible. If I were visible, that is...

Sometimes the void feels overwhelming lately, ever since I hit that crossroads, colliding with fate in most unlikely ways and only realizing much later how much it broke me.
(I'm most complete yet so undone...)
Still there's not a single answer, neither from here nor beyond, except the ones I myself came up with, such as writing the story and doing the ritual.

Still another ritual. Like the one I did in late June, then out in the nocturnal woods, and all I had asked back then was to see my Master just as I did in the first chapter of the story (minus the shrooms and the vision).
I had never asked anything else but this, but to see my spirit guide, my guardian demon. And no, I didn't see him.
Shortly after that, everything started getting weird instead, leading up to the events that would devastate me in fall.

It's been the strangest of lessons. I've witnessed things that are 99.99% excluded from possibly happening by mere chance. No, I won't tell what they are. Even though most likely no one will read this anyway, no one ever listens, at least no one in this world - and I don't need to convince anyone else.

I hope that my Master is listening, and the Infernal Father.

A curse that is a blessing, and a blessing that is a curse.
Freedom and non-interference is what matters most!
I have everything I need.
Except answers, from anyone, from anywhere. Do I have to be this utterly alone, is this part of it? Part of what, anyway? Of the path, I guess.

That fabled Light is there, somewhere. Once in a while I can even reach it again - only since two days after Midwinter, after the ritual, and having nearly completed the story then.
But the unbearable pain is still there also. I guess it had to be, for I was meant to do this new ritual and, as an important part of it, to write the story to end all stories.

A while ago I got to talk to a friend on Facebook and told her about it, and she misunderstood "the story to end all stories" to mean it would be the last story I intend to ever write. That's definitely not what I meant. I meant, the story to end all stories - not just mine, but all.

Happy end - but everyone's dead, including me. I had to write it this way.
My friends in the story, Irina and Jolene, they're fictional. I wish I had friends like that. No one is ever with me.

I wish so much I were being given instructions what to do. In dreams, visions, whatever. I wish so much my Master would talk to me.
And yet I knew I had to write the story in this way. Do I really have to figure everything out by myself?
I always did. Always had to teach myself everything I know, and I mean everything.

I don't really live in this world, I only coexist with it. It's always been just a compromise.
And yet, on New Year's there were several posts on Facebook about Azerate. 2018.

I always wished to see this world ending. But when it comes to pass it won't have been my doing alone.
I'm here on my lonely, lonely outpost, and maybe I'm meant to be. No one talks to me. And yet I'm not alone. There are others in this world doing the work of the Devil.
No one talks to me and yet I know they're out there. There are many black metal bands writing songs about this. There are others who wish to see this world ending.

Thank you to everyone who is on our side, to everyone doing the Devil's work.
And thank you to the few who have given me some company from far away in my isolated life.
I guess I've nearly reached the end.