I guess I'll have to embrace my fate indeed. Is it heroic to do so when there's no other choice?
On the surface everything seems fine, just the way it's always been, workout going fine and all.
Is it really just that I never noticed before how terribly alone I really am? Before I got into that spiritual equivalent of a train wreck, that is.
No, it's not that I simply didn't notice. I don't know, maybe people notice subconsciously, and only subconsciously, how broken I am, and you instinctively avoid talking to someone who's smeared on the road with their guts out. Let the medical professionals deal with that.
Yeah, in my case that would be spiritual professionals, but sadly I don't know any, at least not on this side of the event horizon, and still don't know how to communicate to beyond.
And be advised if you're a materialist moron who happens to read this and you think it sounds completely schizo: Your problem - I sure don't have any fucks to give about your uninformed and worthless opinion.
Shithole? Thanks for the entertainment, but this whole fucking world is one.
I should know so much better. I know that this shithole place is an illusion, that everything is in consciousness and consciousness is the only thing that can change anything. But I got no idea how.
I have to keep the faith, it's what matters most and it's all I got left now.
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