Maybe an antisocial network would work better for me...
I do feel forgotten sometimes, but then I have to remember that I've always lived a shadowy existence at the sidelines of it all, and usually it's the most natural thing in the world to me.
But lately, circumstances are somewhat extraordinary.
Feels like shit just got real lately.
It may be just something to shake me out of the doldrums of my hidden and secluded life. A life only partially real, so separate from the rest of the world, and it makes me realize what it really means to have handed it over to forces that are not of this world.
And doesn't it feel like something that he would do to me, that Satan's son would do? I've come to know him well enough in twenty years or so. Never taking me quite seriously, playing games with me. I love him beyond anything. I only wish so much I could ask him - and get an answer.
I was taught not to believe in coincidence...
Doesn't it mean things are getting weird? Or getting real?
This ain't normal... I caught myself thinking. What an idiotic thought, Diane: What is "normal", really?
Ain't seen a normal thing in my life!
(Let Bob Wilson explain what is normal, if you will.)
And I find myself staring at the event horizon that is in my future - an event horizon as of a black hole, impenetrable to information from beyond it; the point of no return. A decade from now, all this will be gone. I will be gone.
The thing coming my way now is nothing to dread, it will be safe. It's not the horizon.
But I know that eventually I'll have to do what is anything but safe. What could be more unsafe than going to battle.
This one won't be a battle. More like a rare event, like the solar eclipse to be observed from my home country soon, and which I'll never see since I'm here now. Here where I've lived for so long now, so far from home since I have no home in this world nor amidst the stars. None that I know about. My only hope, that I will have one on the other side.
But hope is as futile as emotions and all this other bullshit.
If I get a chance, what will I say?
Just the same I always say, the things I've been saying here. The truth - no false pretense, not from me, ever!
Yes, I'm a monster, and flaunting it.
Thinking back once more about the events of several months ago when I unexpectedly got rid of some "friends" on Facebook over that python post - and it only makes me want to express even more emphatically what I truly am. Apparently they had mistaken me for something I've never been. And what they, and others, were and are doing is actually a pretty nasty thing: Trying to force you to be something you're not. "We'll be your friends, but only if you'll be what we expect of you."
Hell NO, I won't ever!!!
Instead, I got myself this tattoo - four letters that stand for what I stand for.
 |
| Ad Majorem Satanae Gloriam! |
Those are: F.O.A.D.!!!
Try urbandictionary.com if you need to look it up. LOL
To all others, true Satanists as well as allies:
I already wish you a wonderful and magical Lammas night tomorrow!
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