The final day of summer

I meant to celebrate the last day of summer with my little furry family, but others had the same idea and sadly did it in most noisy and annoying ways. The video is mostly of Growly and Sleepy-Eyes only. Most of the others had been there before too, for some pears and carrots. Bumpy seemed particularly aggressive today and kept attacking everyone - not me, but sadly the babies and adults alike.

An old lady was there when I came, I've seen her sometimes previously, she's friendly and usually also comes on her bike, to exercise a bit in the park. She wasn't happy with the annoying festival either, especially the trash and colored bits of paper all over the place. We picked some of it up; I hope someone will clean up after this Mickey Mouse circus.
According to the weather forecast it's been the last day of summer not only on the calendar. Germans are known to be very strict and punctual, and it seems that even the German summer is unwilling to stay even a single day beyond August; from tomorrow it will be cold again.

A Pentagram fountain in Amsterdam

The latest trip to Amsterdam the other week wasn't without complications. I still managed to get to the bike rental before closing time right after my arrival, which was very positive - what's life without a bike!
But just after recording the clip at the hostel dorm though I had to find myself confronted with a bearded face there - I had been assigned to a mixed gender dorm by accident, although I had booked an all female one as usual. I felt extremely uncomfortable, much worse than expected, since I seemed to be the only girl in that dorm and some of the guys were so rude to go to bed shirtless, despite the cold weather. The next day I felt ready to go home early, and quite depressed. As I asked for a refund for the remaining two nights, the receptionist offered to move me to a female dorm though, and also a free breakfast as an apology. I accepted, since I had planned to meet up with someone the next day. Still that first night at the mixed dorm is a nightmare to remember, and frankly, by morning the room was stinking far worse than my gym ever does! At least I felt much more at ease again at the female dorm. No smell and no one sleeping topless.
Unfortunately I seemed to have picked some of the rainiest days of the summer though, and at least I had brought a rain cape and gloves, since it was very cold too.

I mostly managed to find me some breaks in the rain though, and surprisingly that first evening, the pavement next to the fountain had dried enough to comfortably sit down and eat some dinner I had bought at the supermarket, yogurt and granola bars and such. At another occasion the next day, I draped the rain cape over the bike to crouch underneath as a makeshift "tent" to eat something. LOL

The fountain consists of 20 individual spouts, each with a color-changing light. Five form a pentagon in the center, then there's 3 more on each of the 5 sides, forming the 5 points of the star.

The Pentagram fountain

Full moon above Pentagram fountain

Megalodon teeth in a shop window

I bought me some ear studs at Albert Cuyp Market

Bees on passionflower by the side of a street

Tall ship outside Scheepvaartmuseum

I had a very  nice walk from my friend's hotel back to Vondelpark on the final night, with clear skies again.

De Magere Brug at night

De Magere Brug ("Skinny Bridge")

Bike full of rubber duckies outside Knuffels store.

Souvenirs: New backpack for the gym, covered in
little sharks, & book from book exchange
at the hostel.

I beat the treadmill, but Bumpy bites again

Leg day once more, at my secondary gym which is farther from home but close to the park where I was going to visit my furry family again afterward.
It troubled me lately that my sprint performance has been so awful, and especially my tabata interval sets. The latter are done as follows: Run for 20 seconds, pause for 10 - and preferably do 10 of these intervals at the same speed, which for me is 20 kph; at least I had worked my way up to that, and it troubled me tremendously that the last few times I tried I hadn't been able to do more than 5 intervals before I had to either pause longer than 10 seconds, or reduce the speed. Time for euthanasia?
Well, we got new treadmills at McFit. And now my suspicion is that they're even faster than the old ones.
Because today at John Reed gym, I found that I had no trouble at all to finish all 10 intervals, and as a bonus to even make the last one 40 seconds instead of 20! I don't think I just had a sensationally good day for workout. I think the treadmills are different, and 20 kph on the one type are not equal to 20 kph on the other. And I'm not a worthless piece of shit after all, but still getting better than ever!

After taking a shower, my band aid had come off, which had been expected and I had brought another, and Povidone-Iodine to sterilize this latest bite again. Bumpy took a scrap of skin off my hand the other day.

Worst bite yet. Bumpy never targets me though, it always happens only when he jumps at someone else. Big Daddy also once bit me by accident lately when jumping at another black fellow who looks much like he might be Bumpy's brother. Rivalry between adult males. The sad thing about Bumpy though is that he will also attack the babies sometimes. He never is aggressive toward me, only when it comes to other nutrias he's quite antisocial. It seems that someone bit him back though. I couldn't see any blood, but which is unsurprising since he's in the water a lot; only the edge of a bit of torn skin on his back. I hope he'll be ok, he's probably been through worse. I've been thinking for a long time that the little bump in his tail, for which I've named him, most likely is from an old injury; his tail might have been fractured once. The little bump feels hard and bony but doesn't seem to bother him at all.

The above video was taken the other day, when that bite happened. Me being a big, strong warrior, I can take it. But what happened today was far worse, and I hope to Satan that the poor little baby will be fine.

It must be stressful for them that there frequently are such noisy festivals at the park. You can hear throughout the video how noisy it was! Maybe the noise and stress contributed to Bumpy's behavior, I don't know. Because it was all fun and games until he sadly bit one of the babies. Usually the babies are very quick to jump away, but this one sadly wasn't quick enough this time. I don't know how badly the baby was injured, but he seemed to be in pain. At first he sat by the edge of the pond, I could see him just breathing heavily, as in distress. It might have been just the scare, but my instinct tells me otherwise. Bumpy frequently attacks and chases everyone else, so they must be used to this already. I could sense this poor baby was in pain. Eventually he swam over to the island and sought shelter between those branches by the edge of the water. There was no blood. But a few weeks ago when Bumpy bit me on the leg I just had a big bruise there, and I hate to imagine what that same force of bite could do to those tiny bones in the hind leg of such a little creature. The much I love Bumpy, it really pains me that he would attack the babies.
I hope so much the little one will be fine!

Bumpy, Shaggy, & fighting babies again

I've been depressed AF... but let's rather talk about these cuties here! Bumpy is my special darling. He gave me a kiss on the forehead on the day of Lammas (Wednesday). No, not with his teeth, nor just with the whiskers, but an actual kiss, a wet little nutria kiss, it was so sweet of him.
It's a 10 km bike ride but I always feel drawn to the park again to visit the cutest creatures in the world. Just look at the white-ringed noses on those babies, so adorable!

My lovely Bumpy is back

I was so worried for him. He suddenly was unwell the other day, and then yesterday I called for him several times but he remained absent, and today still he wasn't there at first. I had the babies all over me, who are so adorable, and several grown ones too, yet still I was sad because I thought something might have happened to Bumpy. Then suddenly, there he was! And aggressive as ever.

I have to admit Bumpy is not exactly the nicest fellow, as can be seen here, he's very jealous and attacks all others, even the poor babies. Bumpy is antisocial. He bit me again in the process, although he doesn't target me. He peed on me again too - that he does on purpose, I guess to mark me as his own. It's like just a little pond water, so I don't mind it. I'm so glad to have my cheeky little boyfriend back, I love him so much!

On a quest in Northern Ireland

It's been 2 weeks already since I returned from this adventurous trip, visiting my friend in Belfast again.
She hadn't told me beforehand about this curious holiday I was to encounter, which is pretty much unknown outside of Ireland; at least I had never heard about it before. I looked it up now, and it appears that they usually refer to it as simply "the 12th", like we Americans call our Independence Day "the 4th".

This time around I also found the opportunity to take pictures of the Big Fish, which Amanda told me is the symbol of Belfast. It's recognizable for sure, but reading the plaque by the statue I found that this Big Fish actually is of very recent date, of 1997, which makes it even a decade younger than myself, which I hate to admit, of course.

Big Fish

Heavily armored patrol car

Police guarding the parade. Looking a bit intimidating,
but they were all friendly.

July 12th parade

The day after this parade day, Saturday, my friend and I would visit the shaman. It was about an hour's bus trip into the hills to the place he lives. And as I mentioned in the above video, sadly nothing came of it really; he couldn't help me with the communication problem with my Master, and his views as to how I ought to proceed were incompatible with my own, and with my way of life. He was very friendly, but while I would like to know how I ended up as a sort of a foreign intruder in that German and Danish family line which is so alien to me, he insisted on the importance of ancestors and urged me to embrace their heritage.
I still have nightmares about my birth "family", and about people speaking German, I hate those people and their vile language that I was once forced to learn as a child. I worked so long and hard to free myself of this, and I'm even far from done yet; the nightmares are less frequent and less severe but they still come.

My friend Amanda understood me much better; after we left the shaman's place she suggested that it would be best for me to leave Germany forever so that I'd be no longer exposed to hearing that language that tortures me. Of course that's true and it's what I wanted since my childhood, but there's no way to make it happen. And as of late I'd no longer want to leave, because of my nutrias. And where would I go anyway.

The ride back into Belfast was quite enjoyable, at least to me it seemed so. The outward ride had been a regular bus, but the one going back was a double decker, and we sat upstairs right at the front window, looking down from high above at the winding road through the scenic hills back down to Belfast.
I'm usually the first person to get upset over noisy crowds, but I didn't mind much that we were sharing the bus with lots of noisy party people headed to town, since it was a Saturday night. For once, Amanda was much more annoyed by them than I was, and I didn't realize then how unwell she was. But later that night I would still accompany her to the ER.

The waiting area at the hospital was packed with people that night, and we had to wait for many, many hours. We had arrived around 11 PM, and I think it must have been between 4 and 5 AM when I could no longer hold myself upright, and ended up half-sleeping on the floor and on my backpack, under the bench of the waiting area. It was about 9:30 AM when Amanda woke me up to ride home.

So we both were very tired the next day, Sunday, but at least it was the only warm and summerlike day, and I went to the park near her house to exercise a bit, eat some stuff bought from the supermarket, and just hang out in the sunshine.

When I returned to her house, Amanda told me while she had been relaxing in the backyard she had received a psychic message from my Master and written a letter on his behalf. She was hesitant to even give it to me. My Master is dissatisfied with the way things are going with me. He told me that he wants me to wake up - I have no idea how - and to step out of my comfort zone and into my power as a true warrior of Satan, to stop daydreaming in my room and to take action. I don't have the foggiest clue what he wants me to do though, and this greatly troubles me.
Part of it sounded very unlike him, and I'm wondering to what extent it may have been colored by Amanda's own ideas. He mentioned that he'd want me to be out there "speaking, creating chaos, protesting."
Creating chaos, that's something a Satanic brother of mine often talks about, who is very close to my heart. But speaking and protesting, about or against what?? It's something Amanda does a lot, animal rights activism and such. But I can't think of any causes of any relevance to a Satanist, let alone a being as far above and beyond human affairs as my Master is. Back in the days of his and my past lives, in the 17th century, matters were much different, of course. But nowadays there's freedom of religion. Obviously I'm openly "Satan's warrior", as in the very title of this blog, I never made a secret of being a Satanist. I'll freely tell anyone who asks about my religion. I'll tell the police I'm a Satanist. Because I have the right to be a Satanist. My brother has the name of Satan tattooed on his face. Nothing to hide there, and thus nothing to protest; we're no longer persecuted. We already own this right.

I'm very confused by my Master's message, and very depressed. I always meant it when I said I'll do anything for him. If only I had the vaguest idea of what he wants me to do.

Babies & Bumpy

The babies try to take apart my backpack, and Bumpy does not bite me - not today, for a change. What caused Sleepy-Eyes (the white one) and the other baby to run away so suddenly, I got no clue. I have extremely sensitive hearing, but the animal senses are still superior I guess.

Bumpy was surprisingly peaceful today - the big, dark one. He's my abusive boyfriend who keeps biting me... but also allows me some hugs. I anticipated trouble when the babies got so close to him as he will often react aggressively even to the babies, and usually it will be me who gets bitten in the process. But not today. Oh, but he peed on me again. LOL



Sleepy-Eyes looks so much like her mom, Whitey, who died in the beginning of this month. It's of great comfort to me that she had these babies before she died, and two are of the same almost white color. There's a third baby of similar light color who is smaller and younger, it makes me wonder whose babies these are. As can be seen in the video, Sleepy-Eyes and a few others are obviously older than those really tiny babies, and I think therefore they can't be of the same birth. Also their colors range from almost white to black. But regardless, I love them all, of course! Some of the tiny ones are still shy, but they all start coming to me,while the older babies are getting quite bold already.

Adorable tiny baby.