I've been a bit on edge today, perhaps because I didn't sleep very well. I could feel it right before going to sleep... I'd been reading on in that lucid dreaming book and unfortunately I must say it's been giving me very bad vibes in places, and it's again because of the so awful, awful materialist world view I mentioned in yesterday's entry. On one hand the author of the dream book describes how exhilarating it feels to have a lucid dream... and then he goes on to say that it all takes place just in your mind and none of it is real.
So? Then it's not real either that I'm writing this blog here right now, or at least it's completely wasted efforts because no one else exists who might ever read it. That's right, whoever reads this: You don't exist. Now you may leave a comment below and tell me that's not true and that you do exist... but look, if I imagine in my head that you exist I may as well imagine that you leave a comment on my blog, so that's no proof at all!
This idea is called Solipsism, and I'm not sure if I like it... but if someone holds this view then at least they should hold it universally, for ALL experience and not dreams only!
As a side note, I wouldn't even abhor the idea of Solipsism as much as some other people would, people who are a lot more social and not loners unlike myself. I remember reading one of the experience reports of various drug trips posted on the highly recommendable website of Erowid.org, which are fascinating to read. I don't remember what kind of drug the person had taken but their experience was that they felt to be God, who had created the universe and the whole universe was actually part of himself, and nothing else existed besides himself, and he felt very lonely and forsaken and the person related it was the most horrifying experience. And myself, the natural loner I am, just thought, ok it may be a bit lonely but I could positively think of much worse scenarios for myself. My #1 priority is always freedom, and if no one else existed then at least no one could interfere with that. :)
But back to the materialist view that bothers me so much - it's this implied assumption that we're merely biological machines and our dreams being nothing but a side effect of neurological processes in the brain. It suddenly gave me this claustrophobic feeling of being locked in a tiny, dark box - the inside of my skull - and it also made me really angry because it indirectly implies that we're ultimately nothing but garbage. We're disposable, just like your cool and fancy new TV or video game console which is really only cool and fancy while it's new but will ultimately be just trash one day. And people are just the same if they're assumed to be just bodies with brains and nothing else - you can do fun things with that machine while it's relatively new, like, go surfing or snowboarding or why not try to learn lucid dreaming, but whatever you do, even if you win a Nobel Prize, is absolutely meaningless because one day you'll be dead and then you're nothing but garbage, just like a car that's totally wrecked and can't be fixed anymore.
What on Earth are these people living for who hold such a view?!
I still felt on edge when I was at the gym this morning. Yesterday had been so much better... I had to send a letter in an official matter and since it was to an address just on the other end of the city I rode there on my bike and delivered it myself in order to save the postage. On the way back it started raining a bit but I could already see it brightening and the sun coming back out. "Can I get a rainbow?," I just said to myself. And as I turned into the path on the dike along the Rhine river, there it was: a rainbow spanning right across the path, like a gateway for me to ride into!
I reminded myself, this morning at the gym, to rather think of this, and of a friend who had related her own experiences to me and who shares my view and understands - that "reality" is whatever we experience, and that there are many more than just one. Each life is a unique journey, but at least to me and most of my friends (so I hope) it's a journey somewhere rather than nowhere!
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