In a dream I was riding my bike along a country road.The blacktop was smooth and in good condition, but the shoulder of the road was extremely eroded, the edge of the blacktop being at least one foot higher than the roadbed. This greatly unnerved me while riding, and sure enough I slipped off the shoulder of the road and had to jump off the bike to catch my fall, swearing angrily at how much I hated such a crappy road.
Nothing bad had happened really, and actually I wouldn't have needed to ride this close to the edge since I was alone on the road, I don't remember seeing any cars passing. The scene reflects my current situation pretty well though - actually my "road" is smooth and I just shouldn't have anyone drive me over the edge, I just shouldn't. Especially when I actually got my whole road just to myself, no need to make room for anyone else. I should just adhere to my own principles which afford me great privileges.
And this is what I'd been planning to write about for a long time: Selfishness. I'm a selfish person and have no problem admitting it, in the contrary, I appreciate it. I'm an honest person too; honesty toward myself especially is a principle I hold very high. And while honesty is generally seen as a virtue, selfishness is not - and this is what doesn't matter: the way things are generally seen. I am a law unto myself, I am the only law I have approved of and which I honor and adhere to. This appears to be a selfish attitude, and therefore I declare selfishness a virtue.
Selfishness is natural and is closely associated with the instinct of survival. Certain species of wild animals are more or less social than others, but even highly social herd animals of the savannah display a healthy selfishness: When a member of their herd is taken down by a predator the others will relax, the hunt is over and unlike their unfortunate fellow they have survived.
Humans, who are generally also highly social, tend to associate altruism with "courage" and selfishness with "cowardice". My personal view is fundamentally different here: I can't think of any circumstances in which I might ever possibly sacrifice myself for anyone else, instead I would rather kill for my own survival if necessary. This in my view has nothing to do with courage or cowardice but only with what is logical to do when considering my priorities.
But let's face it: In the end I may be coming out quite a bit better than most people in matters of honesty due to this. What I mean is, most people may in truth be a lot more selfish than they would like to admit, or than they even realize. For instance, when mourning over the loss of a beloved person they're actually for the most part bemourning their own loss, the horrible emptiness they feel due to the person's absence. And when sacrificing for someone else's sake or when taking a great risk to save someone else's life they may be doing it for the chance of being celebrated as a hero, or at least because they fear to be looked at as a coward or bad person if failing to give their utmost to save the other person. Or alternatively, if the person in question is a beloved friend, close relative, or especially if it is their own child, they may feel horrified at the idea of seeing this person suffering or even dying. This does constitute an element of selfishness if your own feelings appear in the equation!
I'm not saying that all altruism ultimately has its root in selfishness - but then, some of it does. You may feel offended by these suggestions, and if so I don't care because I'm selfish. :)
Now, it's not the subject of selfishness in particular that relates to my above dream but rather the general notion of following my very own principles and this includes not giving a damn about what others might think about me.
Note: "The extent to which you care what others think about you is inversely proportional to your capacity for happiness."
Yes, it certainly is offensive when materialist hardliners see you as just a f'ing piece of meat with no soul. But on the other hand we must keep in mind that they view everyone in this same way, no matter which species, and most notably themselves. It will be of no consequence for my afterlife if some morons think I won't have any. There is at least some chance though that it might be of consequence for their own - giving some credit to the idea that our beliefs and expectations are capable of shaping reality which is not my own idea but one that probably is quite ancient and seems quite plausible.
"Whether you believe that you can or believe that you can't, in either case you're right." (I hope to be forgiven for not knowing who is to be credited for this wise proverb.)
Another good one to be kept in mind is, "Stress is caused by giving a shit." (Seen on Facebook.)
The relevance of my dream to all this is just that my sleep is fragile and I have anger issues and a youthful temperament and that's why I shouldn't ride close to the edge where the shoulder of the road is badly eroded. I should stick to the center of what is my road, after all, else I'll get temporarily thrown off my bike and delayed on my journey. But NEVER STOPPED!
Great piece.
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